AITA for not wanting to hangout with my friend’s kid?

Jonathan Hours
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Imagine planning a carefree day of wine tasting or a scenic hike, only to find a surprise pint-sized guest tagging along. For one child-free woman in her 30s, her love for adult-only outings clashed with her friend Kayla’s habit of bringing her son Ryan to everything—from painting sessions to zoo trips. What started as a polite compromise turned into a full-blown feud when boundaries were drawn, leaving friendships on shaky ground.

This story is like a picnic where someone brought uninvited ants. It’s relatable, messy, and sparks a big question: should you bend your lifestyle to accommodate a friend’s kid, or stand firm on your kid-free vibe? With Reddit buzzing like a backyard barbecue, let’s unpack this clash of priorities and see where the lines get drawn.

‘AITA for not wanting to hangout with my friend’s kid?’

I have no interest in kids, I'm that 'aunt' who shows up at their birthday parties, Christmas, and other big events. Other than that when I hang out with my friends I prefer it be a child free event. I have recently got into painting and was telling my friend 'Kayla' about doing it. Told her this place that I go with my other friend 'Annie' who is also child free.

Kayla wanted to go with me which I agreed to, but then she switched days with her son's father so her son 'Ryan' could go with us. I didn't want to make it a big deal so I just said okay and went with it. Then the next time Kayla wanted to join in on my plans it was on a hike. This time she didn't ask, but just brought Ryan along and was talking about how she wished she invited our other friends and their kids.

I told her this was not going to become a mommy and me thing and they can keep that on their 'Friday night dinners', where each week they all meet up and cook and hang out with the kids. The next time was a wine tasting. She noticed that it said family friendly and you could bring kids along. I put my foot down and said I wouldn't want to spend my day around a child.

We got into a big thing about it, her telling me I just have to get use to kids(we're almost in our 30's think I've made up my mind about them). She ended up not going and we didn't speak for a little bit. So that brings us to the Zoo. I went with my friend Annie and Kayla got so offended that I didn't invite her and Ryan, because Ryan has been wanting to go to the zoo.We got into it again.

Kayla is free to go to the zoo anytime she doesn't need me to go with her. She says the mom's of the group never want to do anything citing money issues, but that is not my fault. Annie agrees with Kayla that I should just suck it up and let kids come if they want. Only one friend agrees with me that I shouldn't have to deal with kids if I don't want to. So now I've been uninvited to Ryan's 6th birthday and to be fair I'm kind of happy about that.

Navigating friendships when kids enter the picture is like tiptoeing through a social minefield. This woman’s frustration stems from her clear preference for child-free hangouts, while Kayla’s insistence on including Ryan reflects a mom’s reality—kids often come first. The tension peaked when Kayla ignored boundaries, bringing Ryan uninvited and pushing for kid-friendly plans, leaving the woman feeling sidelined in her own social life.

Research shows 44% of child-free adults cite lifestyle differences as a strain on friendships with parents (Pew Research, 2023). Dr. Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist, notes, “Child-free individuals often face pressure to conform to family-centric norms, which can feel dismissive of their choices” (Psychology Today, 2024). Here, Kayla’s assumption that her friend should “get used to kids” invalidates her stance, while the woman’s firm boundaries protect her comfort.

The zoo snub was a flashpoint, but both sides have valid feelings—Kayla wants inclusion, the woman wants autonomy. A compromise, like occasional kid-friendly outings balanced with adult-only plans, could save the friendship.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s serving up opinions hotter than a summer grill, and they’re not holding back on this kid-free vs. kid-included drama! Here’s what the community tossed into the mix:

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Unknown2809 - NTA you've made it very clear you're not intrested in being around kids. It's up to her whether she decides to respect that or f**k off. There's really no ambiguity here. She's made it clear she and her kid come as a complete package, so the obvious solution is to stop inviting her altogether.

If she can't or simply doesn't care enough to respect your wishes then there's no reason for you two to keep being friends. You clearly have different priorities and it sounds like hers is bringing her kid everywhere. There's nothing wrong with that but a lot of people won't be willing to put up with it, understandably so.

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jenzo2 - NTA. her telling me I just have to get use to kids. She knows how you feel about kids. She's just trying to barge through your boundaries.

pocahontski - NTA. Parents often seem to take personal offense at people not wanting to hang out with their kids- even if said person has been their childfree friend since long before a kid showed up. Happened to me too. But it’s a “them” problem.

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nikannibal - Who brings a 5 year old along for a hike and wine tasting?!. NTA

redditor191389 - NTA, but it’s clear by now that if you want to hang out with her, that includes her kid. You have to decide whether to have the kid at most events too, or end the friendship at this point.

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stefaniey - Nta. Shockingly people without kids who don't want kids actually don't always want to hang out... With kids. We don't hate them, but we want to do adult things, and talk about adult things.

[Reddit User] - NTA, but... I'm 37 and childfree myself, one of the last few without children among my friends. My friends with kids generally use time with me as an excuse to not bring their kids someplace to have 'grown-up time.' It sounds like Kayla doesn't have mom friends who are actually able to do stuff, which sucks for her but also isn't your problem.

I WILL say that I'm side-eyeing you a bit about not including the kid on a trip to the zoo. The zoo is one of the ultimate kid-friendly activities, and having gone with some of my friends and their little kids to the zoo before, it's really easy to disengage from a kid wanting to play on the playground, throwing a fit, or whatever else by just saying 'Hey, we'll catch up with you at the gorillas'.

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You are **not** unreasonable for wanting to hang out with your friends without kids. But if you are unwilling to bend about every single occasion being childfree, you will very likely lose your mom friends. If that's okay with you, that's fine. There's a common ground to be found between you never wanting children along and Kayla always wanting to bring Ryan. For the sake of the friendship (if you want to keep it), it might be best to find it.

Mindelan - Annie agrees with Kayla that I should just suck it up and let kids come if they want. Then it sounds like Annie can plan events for her and Kayla and Kayla's kids and possibly invite you if she wishes while letting you know it is a kid event so you can decline if you don't feel like being around kids that day.. NTA

PretentiousUsername1 - So now I've been uninvited to Ryan's 6th birthday and to be fair I'm kind of happy about that.. Like, don't threaten me with a good time. NAH. She can't force you to hang out with her and her son and she shouldn't bring him to stuff only she was invited to. But to her, you're rejecting her favorite person in the world. It probably hurts.. It seems like you are in different places in life. Perhaps your friendship simply has run its course?

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Wader_Man - NTA. Your life your preferences. This is an eternal cycle. We age and we grow distant from some of our friends because of changing life circumstances (marital status, family status, careers and income, geography, health, new interests, new hobbies, incompatible spouses, name it). You are normal. Kayla is normal. You are just going slightly different ways for a while.

Don’t burn the friendship though. In 5 or 10 or 15 years your lifestyles might re-align and perhaps you’ll both want to spend more time together. When that time comes (if it comes) you don’t want there to have been a big ‘break up’ event to deal with. But, my experience is you will drift further apart over the next few years, because of her family situation. Sad but common.

These Redditors mostly back the child-free stance, but is Kayla’s pushiness a dealbreaker, or just a mom’s struggle? What’s the cost of holding firm on boundaries?

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This tale of clashing lifestyles reminds us that friendships can hit rough patches when kids—or the lack thereof—reshape plans. Our child-free Redditor stood her ground, but at the cost of tension with Kayla and a birthday party uninvite (which, let’s be real, she’s not crying over). Should she loosen up for the sake of friendship, or is it okay to keep her hangouts kid-free? How would you handle a friend who keeps bringing their kid to adult plans? Drop your take below and let’s hash out this social pickle.

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