AITA for not wanting to go to my mother’s wedding and saying that I didn’t give a damn who she married?

Picture a rainy English afternoon, the kind where the sky seems to sulk as much as the teenager slumped on a worn-out couch. For one 16-year-old boy, let’s call him Ethan, life has thrown a curveball wrapped in wedding lace. His mother, now across the Atlantic, is tying the knot again and desperately wants him by her side for the big day. But Ethan’s heart isn’t in it—years of feeling overlooked have left him cold toward her invitation.

This isn’t just about a plane ticket to the US; it’s about a boy wrestling with a mother’s neglect and a father’s pressure to play nice. The Reddit community has chimed in, and their takes are as spicy as a pub’s curry night. Can Ethan stand his ground without being the villain in this family saga? Let’s dive into his story and see where the fault lines lie.

‘AITA for not wanting to go to my mother’s wedding and saying that I didn’t give a damn who she married?’

Backstory My (16M) mother has always preferred girls over boys, maybe because she can relate to them better or just natural preference. I was her second boy out of five kids (my older brother moved away and nobody has any real contact with him). She was very neglectful towards me and never went to my soccer games or showed any interest towards me.

My parents divorced when I was ten because my father drinks a lot, and all of the kids got to choose whom they lived with. My older sisters chose my mom, and I chose my dad. It became sort of a 'parent trapped' situation because my mother and sisters then moved to The States, while my father and I remained in England.

None of us ever get to see each other because of the distance, and also because of the virus.. Anyways, moving onto now. My mother is getting married to this guy from work and hopes to be married by 2021, sometime in February.

She and my dad were on the phone the other day and she was apparently talking about how she wanted be to be right by her side during the ceremony and then asked to talk to me about it. My dad called me into the room but I refused to talk to her.

The thing is I don't want to go to my mother's wedding. I don't care about her, and don't give a damn about the guy she's shacking up with. My father is telling me that I'm being cruel for not giving my mother that happiness, and is willing to drag me over to The States himself if I don't agree to go. Every time we talk, he's saying stuff like 'your mother loves you' and 'you're a brat for not going'.

My mother, on the other hand, has been calling and sobbing about how she tried her best to raise me but she couldn't 'force herself' to do anything, which I assume means that she couldn't force herself to care for me. I plan on showing my father this thread when it's all said and done, so honest opinions.

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Am I being TA for not going to my mother's wedding? TL\DR- Both of my parents want me to go to my mother's wedding in 2021. I refused, said I didn't give a damn whom she married, and now they're both cross at me.

Ethan’s refusal to attend his mother’s wedding is a raw snapshot of a fractured family bond. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family psychologist, notes in his work with the Gottman Institute that “emotional neglect in childhood can lead to long-term trust issues in relationships.” Ethan’s feelings of being sidelined by his mother, who openly admitted she couldn’t “force herself” to care, align with this. Her sudden push for his presence at her wedding feels less like love and more like a bid for a picture-perfect moment.

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This situation highlights a broader issue: parental favoritism. A 2018 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that perceived favoritism can erode sibling and parent-child relationships, often leaving the “less favored” child with deep emotional scars. Ethan’s resentment is understandable—his mother’s neglect wasn’t just a one-off but a pattern that pushed him to choose his father post-divorce. Her tears now seem manipulative, as they clash with her past indifference.

On the flip side, Ethan’s father’s insistence that he attend might stem from a hope to mend family ties or avoid conflict with his ex-wife. But pressuring Ethan risks alienating him further, as it dismisses his valid pain. Forcing a teen across continents to play happy family could backfire spectacularly, like a sitcom plot gone wrong. Instead, Ethan’s dad could validate his feelings, perhaps suggesting a neutral conversation with his mother to set boundaries.

For Ethan, setting boundaries is key. Experts suggest clear communication—Ethan could calmly explain his stance to both parents, emphasizing his need for emotional space. If he’s forced to go, he might consider attending minimally, like a guest rather than a participant, to protect his mental health. Ultimately, Ethan’s choice to prioritize his well-being over his mother’s wedding optics is a step toward healing, even if it ruffles feathers.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a buffet of support with a side of snark. Here’s what they had to say about Ethan’s dilemma:

crockofpot − NTA she tried her best to raise me but she couldn't 'force herself' to do anything, which I assume means that she couldn't force herself to care for me.

Wow. That's a horrible thing for someone to say to their own child to begin with, but saying it and then immediately demanding the child force themselves to care about *her?* The selfishness is galling.

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It sounds to me like she just wants the happy family wedding pictures. You are being emotionally strung along by your mom and if her past behavior is any indication, she will drop you again after you've served that purpose. I think you are wise to protect yourself, and shame on your dad for not having your back and protecting you as well.

[Reddit User] − NTA she didn’t try her best to raise you. she NEGLECTED you and when she realized she can get rid of you, she RAN AWAY from her own child. if your dad forces you to go, you should embarrass the hell out of everyone and raise hell in that wedding

SammyLoops1 − NTA - I don't blame you for not wanting to go and it's wrong of your father to force you. Your mom has a right to marry whoever she wants and you have a right not to want to be involved with any of it.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. If you go to this weding, you will jibe a prop to make your mother look good. Your mother is TA for the obvious reasons. Your father is TA for choosing the side of a woman who mad it clear that she didn't love you as much as her XX chromosone bearing children.

Does your father magically think your mother has started care about you? Does he realize that your mother s probably telling lies about why you don't live with her to her fiance and his family? That you will be trapped in another country, unable to leave easily and likely forced to go along with her lies, including agreeing with the bashing your father?

bluebell435 − Wow. That's a lot. She couldn't 'force herself' to care about you, but you're supposed to 'force yourself' to care about her? NTA. I'm so sorry your parents are treating you this way. Please try to find adults who you can talk to for general support because you deserve better than this.

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Edit to add: you may want to start planning your future and how to be independent. You will want to decide if going or not going to this wedding is going to benefit your longer term goals. My understanding (via Google, IANAL) is that 16 and 17 year olds in the UK can live independently from their parents under certain circumstances.

I would be wary about flying to the US while your parents are showing this lack of respect and support. If they decide they want you to stay with your mom, there's little you could do until you're 18.

bunnygirlbeans − Given the current situation, you have the perfect excuse to miss the wedding. The virus isn't going away anytime soon here in the US, so I doubt very much that you'll even be allowed to come here. And if you're allowed, you'd be crazy to risk it. Stay in the UK.

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[Reddit User] − NTA - If she couldn't force herself to do the bare minimum and BE A PARENT, you shouldn't have to force yourself to put on a smile at and attend her wedding.

lucie1986 − The crying and sobbing is a disgusting manipulative thing from her side. She LEFT, she decided not to be an active person in your life, and you absolutely have the right yo return the favour. I also had a parent that left, only saw him a handful of times. He'd always have ridiculous excuses for why he himself wasn't responsible for that. 'Couldn't force herself to' care for her own son? Seriously?

Sorry kid, but you have one actual parent. He's trying to do what's best for you but I absolutely think you need to explain to him how you feel. And if it doesn't work, you could always make her wedding awkward and let everyone know you're there against your will 😉

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Plat_Daddy − NTA it seems like she didn't ever care for you and is now trying to manipulate you into going to her wedding. It's sad that your dad can't see that. I hope they don't force you, but if they do, my suggestion is just be the bigger person and do it.

Don't stir the pot or try and disrupt her wedding because that might ruin your relationship with you dad. Sorry you have to go through this, especially when your not even an adult. Hope it all works out for the better and please keep us updated.

[Reddit User] − INFO. It would tremendously help your case if you gave several more examples of how she treats you badly. At this point, your case is too vague and weak to convince your dad. Try to think of more examples.

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These Redditors brought the heat, cheering Ethan’s resolve or shading his parents’ priorities. Some saw his mother’s tears as Oscar-worthy manipulation; others urged him to stand firm but keep the peace with his dad. But do these hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the family fire?

Ethan’s story is a tangled web of hurt, loyalty, and the courage to say “no.” His mother’s wedding might be a celebration for her, but for Ethan, it’s a reminder of years spent on the sidelines. Whether he sticks to his guns or bends under pressure, his choice reflects a teenager trying to carve out his own path. What would you do if you were in Ethan’s shoes? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep this conversation going!

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