AITA for not wanting to go to family therapy?

Venus Hours
Comments 0 Comments

Picture a bustling household where an 8-year-old girl and an 11-year-old boy orbit their mom for every need, leaving their dad feeling like a sidelined referee. This 40-something father, worn out from work and travel, craves a bond with his kids but finds himself cast as the “bad guy” in their eyes. When his wife suggests family therapy to bridge the gap, he balks, stung by the idea of needing professional help to be loved. Is he wrong to resist, or is his hurt a fair reaction? Let’s dive into this Reddit heart-tugger.

In a home humming with routine, the dad’s absence due to work has left a void, with his kids gravitating to their ever-present mom. His wife’s push for therapy aims to mend the rift, but his pride and a misguided “tougher discipline” idea spark tension. This tale of longing and misunderstanding asks: when does ego block family healing?

‘AITA for not wanting to go to family therapy?’

Wife and I have two kids, an 8 year old girl and an 11 year old boy. My wife became a stay at home mom for a while after each of them was born but now she works a full time job like me. The thing that bothers me is that the kids pay 0 attention to me unless my wife tells them to or I'm lecturing them. If they need anything they'll always ask my wife.

Help with homework, trouble at school, wanting something new, wanting to go out... They always ask my wife. Which ends up making me the bad one because most of the interactions that I have with them is when they do something wrong or if they start acting up.

That isn't to say that my wife leaves the task to me, she does the same as well but she also gives them good moments which negates that, while I mostly get the bad ones. I work a lot and I travel quite a few times and my wife has said that the kids probably didn't bond with me enough because of it.

Which is not something that I could have avoided because my career is very important to me as well as my family. We tried a lot of things, currently my wife and I have a system where we take turns with their tasks so that we both get to spend the same time with them equally.

But we noticed that unless the task was something they HAD to do, they would just avoid it when it was my turn to do it. That was when my wife suggested family therapy, she found a good therapist with good recommendations and such.

The thing is, I don't want my time with my kids to be inside of a therapist's office and the thought that for my kids to like me I need to get professional help while they like my wife just fine is hurtful. My wife said that I was being immature for not accepting this and said I needed to accept that our methods had failed.

ADVERTISEMENT

When I suggested that maybe we were being too soft with the kids she ended up getting extremely angry at me and now she only speaks to me in front of the kids.. So I have to wonder, am I being an a**hole?

This dad’s struggle is a poignant mix of hurt and hope. His kids’ preference for their mom stings, especially since his work-heavy schedule left little room for bonding during their early years. His wife’s therapy suggestion is a practical step to rebuild connections, but his resistance—fueled by pride and the pain of feeling unloved—blocks progress. Suggesting harsher discipline only widens the gap, as fear doesn’t foster affection.

ADVERTISEMENT

The dad’s absence, while driven by career demands, has shaped a dynamic where Mom is the default caregiver. Kids naturally gravitate to the parent who’s been consistently present, especially during formative years. His frustration is understandable, but dismissing therapy as a personal slight misses the point: it’s about creating space for connection, not fixing a flaw.

Parental alienation, even unintentional, is common when work pulls parents away. A 2024 study from the Journal of Family Studies found that 60% of children with frequently absent parents report weaker bonds, often needing guided intervention to rebuild trust (Source). Therapy can offer tools to bridge this gap.

Child psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy advises, “Building trust with kids starts with presence and positive interactions, not authority” (Source). The dad’s idea of being “too soft” misfires—kids need warmth, not lectures. Solo therapy could help him process his hurt, while family sessions could teach him how to engage his kids joyfully.

ADVERTISEMENT

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit dished out some tough love with a side of insight. Here’s the spread:

Lesser_Frigate_Bird − YTA. I suggested that maybe we were being too soft with the kids. If children don't like you, the answer is not to be harsher with them. Your wife is correct, children and teens respond more when they have a good bond. If you don't want to go to therapy with the kids (I can see why, TBH), go alone and come up with a plan for how you will bond with them.

This might mean making a daily point of giving genuine praise, taking a full weekend to do something they really want, trying out being the relaxed parent for a weekend or camping trip. This might be more effective than having an 11 and 8 year old sit. through therapy.

ADVERTISEMENT

ETA: This is a legitimate technique used in managing children with behaviour issues in classrooms. When a child doesn't listen to you, making a point to develop a positive rapport is 10x more effective than increased punishment.

L1zisC00L − YTA. You're making this all about you. You have two young children who you have prioritized below your career and now you're being resentful because they have learned to rely on the parent who has been consistently there for them.

If this was about building a relationship with your kids you would be willing to do whatever it takes including(but definitely not limited to) acknowledging your own role in this dynamic. Instead you seem to blame your wife and kids for bonding with each other.

ADVERTISEMENT

You need to learn how to interact and build a positive relationship with your kids. You can't do that without help because if you could you would have done so already.. Digging your heels in and refusing to meet your wife half way will only further damage your relationships.

rennykrin − YTA: I was already leaning towards this judgement but then I read “maybe we’re being too soft with the kids” and my blood ran cold. You do realize that you can’t punish someone enough to make them love you, right?You seriously need therapy, at the very least solo, on top of family so you can learn how to foster a real relationship with people instead of expecting them to automatically love you.

[Reddit User] − YTA. You missed out on some important bonding time due to your job. You don’t mention taking any initiative of getting involved with your kids activities that they enjoy... taking time to play or whatever it is that they like to do.

ADVERTISEMENT

Now your wife has taken the time to try and set things up with a professional to try and facilitate some bonding **for you**. The family therapy doesn’t really gain anything for her... it’s literally for you and your relationship to your kids.. Swallow your pride and accept some help. At least give it an honest shot.

Edymnion − YTA. There is clearly a problem here, which you acknowledge. And you have a professional that can help you fix it, and you are refusing to go? I hate to break it to ya man, but from an outsider looking in that sounds like you know you're the one at fault and just don't want to admit it.. Your wife is willing to put in the work to make the family better, are you?

seasamgo − I work a lot and I travel quite a few times. my career is very important to me as well as my family. I need to get professional help while they like my wife just fine is hurtful Sounds like you know why your kids aren't close to you and what you need to do.

ADVERTISEMENT

YTA for being absent in much of their lives and then suggesting that they don't like you because 'maybe we were being too soft'. Like wut. Of course your wife is upset at you, you are being an immature a**hole.. Edit: quotes, not my own list

wigglebuttbiscuits − YTA. It was NAH until the end when you suggested that this has something to do with 'being too soft with the kids'. In the first place, you were misguided about what family therapy could do for you-- it's not that they need therapy to like you, it's that something is off in the relationship and a therapist can help figure out what it is and fix it.

But that bit at the end, combined with your mention of 'lecturing' them, makes me think that this might have a lot to do with the way you actually treat your children. If you're lecturing them a lot and acting like it's bad to be 'soft', that would completely explain why they prefer their mother to you.

ADVERTISEMENT

jessdb19 − YTA-My dad was rarely around due to work (he farmed, which meant he was always up by 5 AM doing chores-and then out doing more chores until 8 PM at the earliest.) I was terrified of him as a child because this strange man would visit my mom and try to pick me up and love me.

So, my dad seeing that he was around so little as to terrify his child with stranger danger, changed. He got up earlier to do chores and came in to make breakfast for us at least 3 times a week. He came in for dinners, extending his chore time past 9 or 10 PM (sometimes later if it was harvest season).

Then on Sundays he had chores but encouraged us to help him out-teaching us about car maintenance, how to jump start a tractor, or he'd get involved with teaching us sports or how to shoot a bow.

ADVERTISEMENT

HE made time for US. As such, my sister and I love our dad. You made children. You have to put in effort. You don't get a pass for being busy (everyone's busy, that's life.) You have to make the time. You may have to sacrifice precious time for it to work.

But think about how many hours of their life you missed, that you weren't there for, that instead of a family memory they have a memory of their mom.. Kids aren't vending machines, you don't get to put in the bare minimum and expect a reward.

deb9266 − YTA. Your wife is right. The current way isn't working so why not get some outside advice? Your hurt should matter less than the chance to build a better relationship with your kids.. And do you really think that being 'too soft' is turning your kids away?

ADVERTISEMENT

CanIBeWillyWonka − “Maybe we’re being too soft on the kids.” YTA. You can’t force your kids to like you, man. If you think dictating who they go to is going to help? You’re wrong. It’ll just make them resent you. Instead of sucking it up and going to therapy because it’s “hurtful,” you’d rather force your kids to pretend to like you because it’s better for your ego.

You should be focused *on what’s best for your kids.* And own your choices and the consequences of them. Your career is important to you. That’s fine. But you made the choice to work so much and you can’t expect that to not affect your kids. The cat’s in the cradle and all of that.

These takes slice through the dad’s defenses, but do they offer a clear path forward? Most urge him to swallow his pride, though some see his hurt as valid. What’s the best way to reconnect here?

ADVERTISEMENT

This family’s frayed ties show how work can quietly erode bonds, leaving a dad feeling like an outsider in his own home. Therapy isn’t a verdict on his worth—it’s a lifeline to his kids’ hearts. His wife’s frustration and his own stubbornness highlight a need for change. How would you bridge a gap with kids who seem to favor one parent? Share your thoughts below!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *