AITA for not wanting to go by my boyfriend’s grandparents house anymore due to dresscode?

Tiana Garrett Hours
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The hum of family chatter filled the air at her boyfriend’s grandparents’ house, but her vibrant outfits—goth one day, cleavage-baring dress the next—stirred a quiet storm. Eager to connect, she found herself sidelined, her boyfriend shielding her from his grandparents’ supposed judgment over her wardrobe. His rules, from banning boots to critiquing her style, left her feeling like a guest in her own relationship, sparking tension that threatened to unravel their bond.

This saga of fashion and family dives into the clash between self-expression and control. With a wry chuckle, it captures the sting of being judged for your look, a struggle familiar to anyone who’s fought to be themselves. It’s a tale that begs the question: when does love mean changing who you are?

‘AITA for not wanting to go by my boyfriend’s grandparents house anymore due to dresscode?’

So I've been dating my boyfriend for several months and my fashion is very diverse. Sometimes when I go to his house (which is his grandparents house) I talk with them. A few times he didn't let me speak with or allowed them to see me because he is afraid they are going to silently judge me and hate me like how they hated his mother because of some of my clothing.

It's not like I'm going to their house with my b**t hanging out of my shorts or anything like that. Sometimes I might wear dresses with a little cleavage out. My chest isn't really small and my boyfriend thinks his grandparents are going to flip out. Even when I dress toned down he sometimes don't let me talk or see them.

I wore a business casual outfit to his house with boots and he told me his grandparents were going to think the outfit was inappropriate because they would associate the boots with BDSM. One time I went to his house dressed goth and he got nervous because his grandfather saw me.

I'm at the point where I kinda don't want to go there because I'm not going to make myself super uncomfortable to please his grandparents. It's upsetting because being judged for my clothing and how others think my body looks in them is something I've been dealing with seen a teen.

Edit:I talked with him about not coming over much because a dresscode doesn't sit well with me and I don't wanna upset his grandparents with my attire and he mentioned breaking up. He said I should have asked him what they want me to wear.

I was like “But couldn't you have told me after I asked to speak with them on that”?He was upset I asked that. He also started criticizing me about stuff like how I don't watch many movies. He said I don't comprised despite me suggesting games as an alternative.

He was mad about that because he said I don't ask about what game to play and said I wasn't passionate despite not really know about these games. He said we do the same stuff over and over again despite me think of fun places to go. He said he just wants to say home.

He told me he doesn't feel like he can be himself around me despite me asking him to just be honest and be himself. He also was upset because we might have minor disagreement (like over anime). I feel like at this point he wants me to agree with everything he says and does without disagreement.

This wardrobe war isn’t just about clothes—it’s about control and identity. The OP’s diverse fashion, from goth to business casual, reflects her confidence, yet her boyfriend’s restrictions suggest he’s projecting his own anxieties, possibly using his grandparents as a scapegoat. His escalation to breakup threats and unrelated criticisms, like her movie tastes, signals deeper issues.

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Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a narcissism expert quoted in Psychology Today, notes, “Controlling partners often mask manipulation as concern, eroding personal autonomy.” The boyfriend’s behavior—dictating attire and stifling interaction—fits this pattern, undermining OP’s freedom. His reaction to her pushback, deflecting with unrelated gripes, further hints at manipulation.

A 2022 YouGov poll shows 74% of Americans value personal style as self-expression, yet family settings often spark judgment. The broader issue? Relationships thrive on mutual respect, not control. Advice: OP should set firm boundaries, insisting on open dialogue with the grandparents to verify their views. If his control persists, reevaluating the relationship may be wise.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit gang brought their A-game, tossing out red flags like confetti and cheering OP’s stand for self-expression. From calling out the boyfriend’s control to urging her to ditch him, the comments were a fiery mix of support and shade. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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Critical_Aspect − NTA But are you sure it's the grandparents causing this problem? It seems a stretch that they would associate boots with BDSM. Sounds more like it might be your BF using them as a convenient excuse for trying to control the way you dress.

pioroa − NTA I don’t think his grandparents are the ones judging you, your boyfriend is. Have his grandparents tell you something directly or he always prevents it? Think ahead, what are you going to do if the relationship progress, is he going to dictate you how to dress?

dreamer0303 − Based on your edit...it sounds like it’s time to end it. He basically told you straight up he doesn’t like you. Move on.. NTA

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Neither_March4000 − NTA. I agree with the other comments, this is nothing to do with the grandparents and everything to do with your controlling boyfriend trying to dictate what you should wear.

I'd take this as a warning, if he's saying stuff about the way you dress (and thereby trying to change you) he's not the guy for you.. Your romantic partner should love you for the person you are, not the person they want you to be.

yourgirlsamus − NTA, your bf sounds very controlling. Be you, if he is embarrassed by anything regarding that, he probably isn’t the person for you.

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TheRealRaemundo − Info: So when are you dumping him OP?

Martonia7 − NTA. It sounds like your bf has more hangups than his grandparents. Anybody with that many red flags 🚩 🚩🚩, pay atención to.

Wise_Date_5357 − NTA but you need to have a talk with your boyfriend, it seems like the grandparents haven’t actually said anything and this is all coming from him wanting them to like you. But he’s actively stopping you getting to know them at all,

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and if he’s already trying to control what you wear / ashamed of you he may not be a good fit for you. Please don’t change your style for someone else if you’ve found what you love! And you have every right to refuse to go over there until he changes his behaviour.

ElaineO9 − NTA. Your edit is red flag city. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

RandomKinkyChick − OP based on your update, I would advise you to break up with this guy. He sounds controlling and really weird, not to mention his reaction to you stating your feelings is to flip it around and attack you over everything.

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That's immature and manipulative. It's also something common with narcissists. I highly suggest dumping his ass and finding someone that you can be yourself with, who actually seems to like and appreciate you.. NTA.

These Redditors smelled something fishy, pointing fingers at the boyfriend’s motives while backing OP’s right to her style. Some saw his grandparents as a flimsy excuse; others waved breakup banners. But do these online roasts capture the full relationship rift, or are they just fueling the fire?

This tale of boots and breakups lays bare the tension between being yourself and bending for love. The OP’s vibrant style clashed with her boyfriend’s controlling rules, exposing a relationship strained by mistrust. It’s a reminder that love should lift you up, not box you in. What would you do if your partner tried to dictate your style? Share your stories and let’s unpack this drama!

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