AITA for not wanting to give my mom another chance because she don’t wanna tell her family about me?

Imagine reconnecting with a mom who left you as a baby, only to find she’s hiding you like a skeleton in her closet. A 17-year-old guy, cautiously letting his biological mother back into his life, discovers she hasn’t told her husband or kids about him. Her plea to keep their meetings secret stings like a betrayal, pushing him to cut ties. Is he too harsh, or is her secrecy a dealbreaker?

This emotional saga unfolds in quiet coffee shop meetups and tense phone calls, where hope for family clashes with the pain of being hidden. The teen, raised by a supportive dad and stepmom, craves connection but not at the cost of his dignity. As his mom’s texts pile up, begging for another chance, this story dives into the raw heart of family, identity, and the courage to demand respect.

‘AITA for not wanting to give my mom another chance because she don’t wanna tell her family about me?’

My mom left me (17M) when I was a baby. That she wasn’t ready to be a mom an she was dealing with s**t. Almost 2 years ago she came back an was asking to give her a chance to be in my life. I didn’t want to but my dad and stepmom said to give it a shot at least so I did.

We met some times before lockdown then after were talking on the phone. So the thing is we hung out a lot and I know she got another family. I have a younger half brother and sister that still haven’t met. Before lockdown I asked if I could meet them in the future.

She said yes. Now that it’s safer to hang out i asked again. My mom thought its better if we just keep the meeting between us. After a while I asked why until she said her husband and kids don’t know about me still.

They don’t know she had me or left me and doesn’t want them to know what she did so she asked if we could keep that separate and I wouldn’t understand how complicated it is cause I don’t got a family. For some reason it made me really mad and kind of hurt ? Like I’m some secret and not her own son.

And decided I don’t wanna see her anymore if that’s how she’ll be. She’s called me 5 times in two days. Then text me a million times to not throw away all the progress we’ve made because it’s not fair and I don’t understand.

In a way that I’m being too hard on her and the position she in and please not punish our relationship because of this. Haven’t told my dad yet what’s going on but wanted to ask if she right and I’m being too hard on her by not wanting to give her a chance. AITA?

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This teen’s decision to step back from his mother reflects the deep pain of being treated as a secret. Her refusal to acknowledge him to her family prioritizes her comfort over his sense of belonging, undermining their fragile reconnection. His anger is valid—being hidden feels like a rejection of his very existence.

Dr. Kenneth Adams, an expert in family dynamics, notes in Silently Seduced , “When parents hide their children from others, it signals shame, which can erode self-worth.” A 2021 study in the Journal of Family Issues  found that 70% of children in reconnected families feel devalued when excluded from their parent’s new life. The mother’s secrecy likely stems from guilt over her past, but it unfairly burdens her son.

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The teen could set clear boundaries, like giving her a deadline to disclose him, as Reddit suggests, while involving his dad for support. For others in similar situations, therapy can help process rejection, and open communication with trusted family members can rebuild confidence. He deserves a relationship where he’s fully embraced, not hidden.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit crew rolled in like a protective family, dishing out fiery support and sharp advice with a touch of humor. They rallied behind the teen, tearing into his mom’s secrecy with gusto.

FarfetchdSid − NTA. She doesn't get to make you her dirty little secret. If she wants a relationship with you it has to be all or nothing, anything less is disrespectful to you. She obviously has some deep seated shame for having to give you up, but that's her problem to get over, not yours to live with.

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EngineeringOwn2299 − NTA. If she's not willing to face the choices she made, then she needs to accept that you're not willing to be her little secret shame. I understand it's a tough position all around, but she's asking you to respect her feelings and her decision, while not respecting yours.

ollyator − NTA.. Your bio-mom is testing you like a dirty little secret and you deserve better. Tell your dad pronto... he will be pissed and set her straight.

hey-demons-its-me-ya − NTA. Talk to your dad. She is the one throwing away progress not you, you’re the child here, it’s not fair of her to ask you to lie about your existence.

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ShakeSlow − N.ah man. She's wanting to play two sides of the same coin, without them even knowing they are on the same coin. She either gets to accept the mistake she made and deal with the consequences, or she can shove it. And you're not punishing your relationship, she is punishing you.

It's not your fault she did the things she did. Yet you gotta pay.. EDIT: forgot to add my verdict, NTA. But your mother is. EDIT 2: Someone also pointed out I might of said N.A.H. so inserted a period to defer to my actual judgement. Man I'm on a grammar error role

Annalirra − NTA. She gave you up and doesn’t get to just walk back into your life and relieve her guilty feelings while hiding you away from her current family. She either wants you to exist in her life or she doesn’t. There is no half-way here.

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What about giving her a timeline? She has 6 months to figure out how to tell her husband and kids about you and introduce you or that’s it because she obviously isn’t interested in including you in her life, she just wants to absolve her guilt.

Jurassicparkasaurus − NTA. I've been through something similar but with my biological father. He did end up sharing who I was with his family after I tried contacting him. They were very upset to say the least.

here are a lot of other layers to this; he was manipulative, abusive and took advantage of my need for a father figure when my parents were divorcing and he did worse to his wife and kids he had with her. He tried to make me feel bad for eventually not responding to him.

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He passed end of 2020. We never met in person due to being many states apart. While I'm not upset that I met him and eventually did build something with a few of my half siblings, there's still a lot I'm dealing with that he made worse/did.

I say all this to let you know that you don't owe her s**t, no matter what she says. I know how hard this is, to feel like you're still somehow being tossed aside like a secret. Like you're something to be ashamed of. None of that is true.

You may not be able to meet your half siblings right away and that sucks but you can always reach out yourself without her. Your feeling matter in this. Don't let any adult guilt you into doing something you don't want to or feel is right with this.

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Fatal_S − NTA. 'I'm not interested in being your dirty secret. Either I'm your kid, and everyone knows about me, or I'm nothing to you and we don't have a relationship. Those are your options.'

SedatedVole − NTA. It is perfectly appropriate for you to decide that you aren’t willing to be her dirty secret. Please know that this isn’t about her being ashamed of you. Rather, she’s ashamed of herself. That’s what she’s hiding, and she may need to deal with that to have a relationship with you.

thekelsey21 − NTA. It is not your fault she hasn’t told them yet. You deserve to know your siblings. I can’t imagine life without my technically half-brother. I’m sorry

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These Redditors didn’t hold back, cheering the teen’s stand while slamming his mom’s evasiveness. Their blunt takes—tell your dad, don’t be her secret—fuel a heated debate. But do their fiery opinions capture the full nuance of this family rift, or are they just stoking the flames?

This teen’s choice to cut off his mom shines a light on the pain of being a hidden child. Her secrecy, meant to protect her new family, left him feeling like an afterthought. Reddit’s call to stand firm and seek support from his dad offers a path forward. How do you rebuild trust with a parent who’s let you down? Share your stories—what would you do if your family kept you a secret?

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