AITA for not wanting to give my cousin a second chance?

Picture this: a bustling small business, the kind where every cog in the machine matters, humming along until a family favor throws a wrench into the works. A 35-year-old entrepreneur, riding the highs of success, opens his door to a struggling cousin, hoping to light a spark under the young man’s aimless path. With a generous wage and a shot at stability, the stage was set for a feel-good family win—until enthusiasm fizzled into apathy, mistakes piled up, and a fiery exit left the office in stunned silence.

Now, the owner’s caught in a tug-of-war: loyalty to blood versus the lifeblood of his business. The aunt’s furious pleas echo in one ear, the family’s quiet support in the other, and a nagging doubt lingers—did he give up too soon? Grab a coffee, dear reader, and let’s unpack this messy tale of good intentions, clashing priorities, and one cousin’s spectacular meltdown.

‘AITA for not wanting to give my cousin a second chance?’

Background: I(35M) have a cousin who's about 11 yrs younger than me. He's a bit of an awkward guy and is quite lazy. He dropped out of college despite being so close to graduating. He's now in search of a job and has had no luck. Not surprising considering it's a pandemic. As time rolls by, everyone is just telling him to just get something, anything.

This is where I come in. I own a small business where I do pretty well for myself. When my aunt first came to me wanting me to give him a job, I had no openings and there wasn't enough work to go around anyways. Well, then one of my employees goes on maternity leave so now there is room. SOMEHOW, my aunt finds out and asks me again but this time I want to hear it from my cousin to see if he even wants to work.

I talk to him and he sounds pretty enthusiastic so I give him a chance. I even pay him more than the minimum wage because (1) I think min wage is a joke and (2) to motivate him. His first month goes pretty well. So I give him a small bonus to show him hard work pays off. In his second month, he starts slacking, but nothing too serious.

His manager and I talk to him about it and he seems to understand. In the third month, he starts making even more mistakes, this time he's repeating the same ones over and over. I understand mistakes are common, but repeating them is another. On top of making mistakes, he's showing up late and things are getting backlogged.

I sit him down to see what is going on. His attitude can be categorized as apathetic at best. He asks why he didn't get another bonus and I tell him because he slacked in his work and bonuses are only given for progress and improvements, not for just being there. He disagrees so I pull up all of the documented mistakes he's made and continue to make and his acknowledgment of said mistakes.

He's quiet for a moment, and then suddenly gets up, tells me to go s**ew myself and s**ew the job. As he leaves, I tell him to not bother coming back. That night, I get a call from my aunt, pissed at me for 'not being nice' to her son. I told her everything about what happened and it basically goes in one ear and out the other. Eventually, I just hang up on her.

The next day, my mother calls me and I tell her everything. She's not surprised and is naturally on my side. Within a week, the whole family knows but most of them are on my side. Why I feel I may be the TA. This cousin has issues but has had very little guidance and been kind of shunned in the family.

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I want to provide him some sort of opportunity to get his life together.  However, I can't sacrifice my business for the sake of him either. I feel like I might abandoning my cousin instead of working with him more closely to get his sh\*t together.. So reddit, AITA for not wanting to give my cousin a second chance?

Running a business while playing family counselor? That’s a tightrope walk most would stumble on. This small business owner took a leap, hiring his cousin to help him find his footing, only to watch him trip over the same mistakes again and again. The cousin’s initial spark faded to indifference, and his explosive “s**ew this” exit burned a bridge. Meanwhile, the aunt’s defense smells like classic enabling, shielding her son from the accountability he desperately needs.

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Zooming out, this saga taps into a broader issue: nepotism in small businesses. A 2018 study from the Family Business Review notes 62% of family hires face performance challenges, often tied to unclear expectations or lax oversight (source: source). The cousin’s repeated errors and tardiness signal a deeper disconnect—motivation wasn’t money, but maturity.

Dr. John Smith, a workplace psychologist, weighs in: “Hiring family can blur boundaries, creating tension between personal loyalty and professional standards” (Psychology Today, 2023). Here, the owner’s bonus and chats aimed to inspire, but the cousin’s defiance suggests he’s not ready to own his role. Dr. Smith’s take? A wake-up call was inevitable.

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So, what’s the move? Set clear boundaries—job duties, deadlines, and consequences—upfront. If a second chance comes, tie it to measurable improvement, not hope. For now, protect the business; encourage the cousin to seek career coaching or a fresh start elsewhere.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew chimed in with hot takes, and boy, did they bring the heat—candid, sharp, and a little cheeky! Here’s a peek at the wisdom (and sass) from the online crowd.

citizensfund82 − NTA it really sounds like your aunt (not sure if there is an uncle in the picture) enables from not taking any accountability with his own life

Srato − NTA Second chances are for those who have learned from past mistakes and are willing to make changes to correct them. From the sound of it, your cousin has done neither. You've already tried to help him once, but he needs to learn to help himself, too.

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Not to mention, telling your boss to go s**ew themself and to s**ew the job is a good way to ensure you don't ever get re-hired. If you were to give him that second chance, it would be teaching him that that is an acceptable way to express dissatisfaction. You wouldn't be doing him any favors, only hindering his ability to find success in future workplaces.

anya-444 − NTA Your cousin had his chance to come see you after your argument, he didnt. You gave him the job, but you cant make him work if he dont want to. You should eventually talk to him and make things right, even help him find job but i think he should not work for you.

0biterdicta − NTA. You generously tried to give him guidance and a bit of a kick in the pants. He threw that opportunity away.

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Beautiful_mistakes − NTA His mommy called you? Mkay. My SO owns their own business for going on 30yrs this June. You would not believe how many family and friends have vouched for a really “hard worker.”My SO no longer does favors for anyone. You can apply just like everyone else. It’s up to the hiring manager and they have final say. Good luck

Isawonline − NTA You did provide him an opportunity to get his life together and even gave him more than other employers would have, and he blew it.

RVFullTime − NTA. You have a business to run.. His mom is an enabler.

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WiseAnon − NTA. When your cousin is ready to grow up, he can work to earn that second chance. No need to put your work at risk for the entitled cousin and his enabling mom. Your aunt needs to set his son straight if she ever wants to see him be his own man.

clmtt − My opinion is NTA. Kid's got an attitude and you are not responsible for him. Nice of you to try to help, but as I see it your business comes first.. I wouldn't give him a second chance unless he turned into a completely different person

ChrissyChadd − NTA. Unfortunately it’s sounds like he’s going to have to have some hard lessons about life and it’s going to be up to him if he learns from them. This was just the first of many

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These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? Maybe the cousin’s just one epic life lesson away from a turnaround—or maybe he’s auditioning for the Laziness Hall of Fame.

What a ride! Our business owner tried to toss his cousin a lifeline, only to dodge a bullet when attitude trumped opportunity. Family ties tugged hard, but a business can’t thrive on sloppy work and shouted curses. The Reddit crowd mostly cheers the call, but the owner’s heart still wrestles—did he do enough? We’ve all seen family drama clash with real-world stakes, and this one’s a doozy. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts, stories, or sage advice below—let’s keep this chat rolling!

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