AITA for not wanting to drive my niece because she has Tourette’s?

Imagine a quiet car ride, where focus is everything, suddenly pierced by an unexpected screech that sends the driver swerving into a mailbox. For a Reddit user, this wasn’t just a bad day on the road—it was a wake-up call about their limits. Tasked with driving their niece, who has Tourette’s syndrome, to school after their brother-in-law’s passing, they faced a challenge: her involuntary noises clashed with their need for distraction-free driving. Now, their refusal to continue has their sister crying ableism, turning a safety concern into a family feud.

This story steers into the tough terrain of family duty, personal safety, and understanding disabilities. Was the user’s decision a selfish dodge or a responsible choice? With Reddit’s opinions revving up, let’s buckle in and explore this collision of care and caution.

‘AITA for not wanting to drive my niece because she has Tourette’s?’

I’ll keep this quick, my niece has Tourette’s syndrome, which makes her prone to making a lot of loud noises unexpectedly. I’m a decent driver, a good one, maybe. But I need focus. I don’t play music in my car and I don’t drive anyone else most of the time because I don’t like having conversation when I’m driving, it’s just distracting and could be fatal.

Just to reiterate, I almost never drive anyone because of that last bit. However my sister’s husband recently passed away and she needs someone who can drive her daughter to school. To Be honest, my sister’s always been a sour spot for me, she’s done a lot of s**t to me throughout the years but I’ve always had to find it in my heart to forgive her.

She’s also just rude and entitled 99% of the time. She didn’t tell me that my niece has Tourette’s and because I work an intense job where I work A LOT. So I didn’t know either. Cue me driving her for the first time and she won’t stop talking.

I’m doing my best to stay focused but I have to tell her to stop. She does, but 10 minutes later she makes a massive screeching sound which makes me dent my car on a mailbox. I get shocked easily, and even if I know what something is, in the half second between me hearing it and my body reacting, I can’t stop myself from reacting to it.

I told my sister I can’t drive her daughter to school if that’s what she does on a regular basis. I realise she can’t stop that, but I need to make sure I’m a safe driver.. She’s going off on me now because I’m being ableist and cruel.. AITA?

This driving dispute highlights the delicate balance between family support and personal safety. The user’s need for focus while driving, intensified by their sensitivity to sudden noises, clashed with their niece’s involuntary tics from Tourette’s syndrome. The resulting minor accident underscores a real risk, not a rejection of their niece. A 2023 study by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration notes that distractions contribute to 10% of crashes, with unexpected sounds posing a particular challenge for some drivers.

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Dr. Joshua Klapow, a clinical psychologist, notes in a Psychology Today article, “Safety must come first in high-stakes tasks like driving, but empathy in communication prevents misunderstanding.” The user’s refusal to drive their niece is grounded in self-awareness, but their sister’s ableism accusation suggests a communication breakdown, possibly fueled by her grief and stress. The sister’s failure to disclose the Tourette’s diagnosis upfront also set the stage for conflict.

To navigate this, the user could propose alternative support, like helping find a school bus or rideshare option, while affirming care for their niece. Family mediation, as outlined by Family Mediation Council, could help address the sister’s hurt and clarify intentions. Therapy for the user to manage startle responses, possibly tied to past trauma as suggested by comments, could also improve driving confidence. Balancing safety with family ties requires open, compassionate dialogue.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crowd roared in like a rush-hour debate, offering support for the user’s safety concerns while urging caution about their driving skills. Their takes are as lively as a traffic jam, backing the refusal but questioning broader implications. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

QuackLikeMe − NTA. But also if you’re scared of even talking to someone because it “could be fatal”, you might want counseling and driving lessons.

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leslielantern − NAH but I’m not sure it’s safe for you to operate any heavy machinery at all if this is really how you react to noises. A screeching child is not much different from a car honking, and if that can cause you to wreck you shouldn’t be driving until you get some treatment or therapy to get it under control.. Good luck to you.

ETA: I saw your other comment about your parents deaths in car wrecks. I am so sorry to hear this and I’m sure that has traumatized driving and even riding in cars for you. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can get some help. It’s no fun to be that stressed and it sounds like you may have PTSD.

Fickle_Ostrich4923 − Cue me driving her for the first time and she won’t stop talking. I’m doing my best to stay focused but I have to tell her to stop. She does, but 10 minutes later she makes a massive screeching sound which makes me dent my car on a mailbox.

You're not what I'd call a good driver if her screeching caused you to hit a mailbox. Unexpected sounds happen even if you don't have anyone else in your vehicle, drivers should have enough self control to not swerve off the road when startled by a sound

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Panic braking I'd understand more, swerving is incredibly dangerous. You're definitely NTA for not wanting to drive her around though. Just try to work on calming your nerves to make driving less dangerous for you.

Patient_Company_2375 − NTA - your sister won't like you any better if you kill her kid in a collision

NUT-me-SHELL − NTa. If you can’t drive safely with her in the car, you shouldn’t be driving with her in the car. End of story. That said, it does sound like you need some serious practice behind the wheel. Distractions happen and you need to be comfortable enough to deal with them as they arise.

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spaceyjaycey − ESH- if you can't drive without crashing because of a loud noise, you have no business driving. You also don't owe your sister any favors.

WoozyRadish − NTA, but you probably shouldn't be driving at all if you can't handle simple distractions.

iMESSupCOMMONphrases − NTA. Firstable, it's not ableist to not want to be distracted while operating a 2-ton machine at 60mph and that it's best that a more defensive driver chauffeurs her around. Second, a person can be an AH *and* disabled, they are not mutantly exclusive.

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shorty382 − NTA but, if that is how easily you get distracted and can dent your car you probably shouldn't be driving. I'd hate to see what you'd do when an ambulance or fire truck drivers by you with their sirens blaring.

nathashanails − NTA.. For both your safety and the child’s safety, it’s best if you don’t drive her to school.

Reddit’s mixed “NTA” and “NAH” verdicts endorse the user’s safety-first stance, with some suggesting therapy for driving anxiety or trauma. Others call out the sister’s entitlement, but a few see no villains—just tough circumstances. Do these road-ready opinions capture the full route, or are they just honking for drama? This driving dilemma’s got everyone talking about safety and sensitivity.

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This story swerves into the tough reality of balancing family needs with personal limits. The user’s refusal to drive their niece wasn’t about rejecting her condition but protecting everyone on the road. Yet, their sister’s hurt shows how grief and miscommunication can fuel conflict. Safety isn’t negotiable, but empathy can pave the way to solutions. Have you ever faced a family favor that tested your limits? How would you handle a clash between duty and safety? Share your thoughts—let’s navigate this tricky road together.

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