AITA for not wanting to care for my autistic brother?

In a quiet suburban home, the weight of family duty hangs heavy. The OP, caught between love for their autistic brother and a desire for personal freedom, faces a heart-wrenching dilemma. Their mother insists the brother, who thrives in routine and enjoys his job, must live with OP after her passing. Yet, OP envisions a different path—one where their brother flourishes in an assisted living facility, surrounded by support and activities he loves.

This choice sparks tension, as OP grapples with guilt and their mother’s disapproval. The story unfolds with raw honesty, pulling readers into a relatable struggle: balancing family loyalty with personal boundaries. It’s a tale that invites us to ponder where duty ends and individual choice begins, all while navigating the complexities of love and care.

‘AITA for not wanting to care for my autistic brother?’

Navigating family expectations around caregiving can feel like walking a tightrope. The OP’s dilemma—choosing between taking in their autistic brother or advocating for assisted living—highlights a common tension: honoring parental wishes versus prioritizing personal and sibling well-being. The OP’s brother, who values routine and enjoys activities at a facility, seems open to this change, yet their mother’s resistance creates friction.

This situation reflects a broader issue: the emotional and practical challenges of caregiving for adults with autism. According to the National Autism Association, about 1 in 36 adults in the U.S. is on the autism spectrum, and many benefit from structured environments like assisted living, which provide tailored support. Dr. Temple Grandin, a renowned autism advocate, notes, “Independent living with support can empower autistic adults to thrive in their own way” (Temple Grandin’s website). Her perspective underscores the OP’s reasoning: assisted living could offer their brother independence while maintaining his cherished routine.

The OP’s mother, however, clings to a traditional view of “family takes care of family,” fearing facilities lack personal care. This concern is valid but often outdated, as modern assisted living emphasizes autonomy and community. The OP’s stance—visiting regularly while ensuring professional support—balances love with practicality. They’re not abandoning their brother but advocating for a setup that suits his needs and their family’s capacity.

For the OP, clear communication is key. They could explore facilities with their mother, showing how these environments align with their brother’s happiness. Inviting her to meet staff or observe activities might ease her fears. This approach respects her emotions while reinforcing the OP’s commitment to their brother’s well-being, fostering a solution that works for all.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of empathy and blunt advice for the OP’s situation. The community rallied around the idea that family duty shouldn’t mean sacrificing personal freedom—or the brother’s chance to thrive. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

These Redditors cheered the OP’s practical approach, with many calling the mother’s expectations unfair. Some saw assisted living as a win for the brother’s independence, while others noted the risk of disruption if he lived with the OP. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just fueling the debate?

The OP’s story reminds us that love doesn’t always mean taking on every burden. By choosing assisted living, they’re striving to honor their brother’s needs while protecting their own life—a delicate but necessary balance. It’s a decision that invites reflection on how we define family duty. What would you do if faced with a similar choice between tradition and practicality? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep this conversation going.