AITA for not wanting to call my 2nd grader’s teacher “Dr. Smith”?

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In a virtual classroom buzzing with second graders, a parent stumbled over a teacher’s title: “Dr. Smith” for adults, but “Ms. Sarah” for kids. Confused by the split naming and irked by what seemed like an ego trip, the parent pushed back—until Reddit and reflection set them straight. This tale of a small but telling clash over respect for a PhD’s hard-earned title asks: was the initial resistance a petty misstep?

This story hits home for anyone navigating professional etiquette or learning to honor earned credentials. Reddit’s firm on respect, and the parent’s turnaround shows growth. Let’s unpack this lesson in titles, dive into expert insights, and hear the community’s verdict.

‘AITA for not wanting to call my 2nd grader’s teacher “Dr. Smith”?’

I have a son in 2nd grade who is in a public school in the US that is in fully remote. During the first week of school, I listened in on class. My son’s teacher, whom had signed the only email we had from her as Dr. Sarah Smith\*, told the kids, “My name is Dr. Sarah Smith, but you don’t need to call me “Dr.”

because I know that can be confusing because I’m not a medical doctor, so you can just call me Sarah, Ms. Sarah or Ms. Smith (our school’s norm is calling teachers and staff by their first name).” I filed this info away for my own self, and went on with my day. A few days later, all the teachers met with families to get to know each other.

My son’s teacher came into the call and introduced herself as Dr. Sarah Smith. She was quite the talker and spent a lot of time talking about her background and credentials, but seemed pleasant and excited about her job. Near the end, I asked, “Ms. Sarah, can we still access the school library?” and she said, “Actually, it’s Dr. Smith. ...”

I was taken aback because I had recalled her telling my son’s class they could call her Ms. Sarah. I couldn’t figure out how to respond and felt rushed, so I quickly apologized for getting her name wrong and we signed off. Meanwhile, as I’ve been helping my son with his work, I’ve been noticing how she signs her messages to students with “Ms. Sarah” and “Dr. Sarah Smith” with the parents.

In the classes, the students were calling her both Sarah and Ms. Sarah. I was confused. Fast forward to this week when we had our second parent/teacher meeting. Once again, my son’s teacher jumped headlong into our meeting without much greeting and spent most of the time talking.

When I finally had the chance to speak, I once again addressed her as “Ms. Sarah” and she once again corrected me saying “actually, it’s Dr. Smith.” So I said, “I’m glad this came up because I’ve overheard you say to the students they can call you Ms. Sarah and my son refers to you as that at home so that’s where my confusion is coming from.”

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She replied, “With parents, I prefer to be called Dr. Smith.” And then she steamrolled on until it was time to go. Now I feel certain she’s just power tripping here. I don’t want to feed her ego, nor continue creating confusion in our house when my kid talks about his teacher Ms. Sarah and I’m talking to him about Dr. Smith. Yes, I’m an a**hole for thinking “Is the ‘Dr.’ really warranted here?

We are just dealing with teaching a bunch of 8 year olds how to capitalize proper nouns and what division is” but I get there was likely more to her degree than that, and I can put that all aside when it comes to being respectful and honoring people’s wishes.

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However, all of this had made me feel like just referring to her generally from here on out. So folks, am I missing out on some cultural norm here? Am I the a**hole here for not wanting to call her Dr. Smith and feeling like she’s being egotistical?

Update: OK, I'm found to be the a**hole and I'm OK with that. In fact, I had a chance to address her this morning, and I called her Dr. Smith the way she had respectfully asked me to twice. I can see that I wasn't being respectful and yes, a bit of a petulant child.

I will say that it was interesting that most of the NTA's were also PhDs people who worked with them. I had a similar experience so now I can see where my confusion was in the cultural aspect of it. Thanks people of Reddit for weighing in and for (mostly) keeping it civil.

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This title tiff highlights the weight of professional respect in education. Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes in Psychology Today that “titles reflect earned expertise and set boundaries in professional settings, especially when gender biases often downplay women’s credentials.” Dr. Smith’s dual naming—casual for kids, formal for parents—balances classroom warmth with adult respect. The parent’s resistance, though rooted in confusion, initially dismissed her doctorate’s significance, a common slight for women PhDs.

The conflict stems from mismatched expectations: the parent saw inconsistency, while Dr. Smith sought professional acknowledgment. A 2022 study in the Journal of Educational Leadership found that female educators with advanced degrees often face pushback on titles, undermining their authority. The parent’s eventual shift shows learning, but their early jab at “power tripping” reveals a snap judgment.

Dr. Heitler advises respecting requested titles to build trust. The parent could have clarified Dr. Smith’s preference privately to avoid tension. For others, using formal titles in professional contexts—while matching kids’ casual terms at home—avoids confusion.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crowd didn’t mince words, calling out the parent’s misstep with a side of education on titles. Here’s what they had to say:

MAGAtthater - YTA. People work hard to get their doctorate. That is her title. Of course she knows that 2nd graders would have trouble with that. But you yourself , as an adult, should know how to use proper titles with people

afetian - YTA. She clearly told the CHILDREN to call her Ms. Sarah or Ms. Smith because they’re 2nd graders and wouldn’t understand the difference between a PHD doctor and an MD doctor. You however are a fully grown adult with a 2nd grade child and can differentiate between a medical doctor and a PHD.

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To refuse to call her by her EARNED title is belittling, rude, and unappreciative of her commitment to education that she will now use to educate your children in ways that they would otherwise not be able to receive. Grow up and call the woman by the title she earned. She’s already proven that she is qualified in that field by people much more knowledgeable in that field than you, she doesn’t need to prove it to you too.

[Reddit User] - YTA You are a grown adult who can understand the difference between a PhD and an MD an 8yr old does not. It is not difficult to say Ms. Sarah when talking to your son but to address her as Dr. Smith when speaking to her. She’s made it very clear that is what she prefers I don’t get why you’re so confused about this.

Decent_Ad6389 - YTA. Your kids call you 'mommy' and 'daddy' but the teacher wouldn't call you that. Despite the fact that it's ok with you that your kids call you mommy and daddy, the teacher should call you Mr and Mrs Smith, because that would be more appropriate. If you prefered John and Jane, she'd likely respect that.. Call her what she wishes, as she worked damn hard for that degree. It costs you nothing.

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[Reddit User] - YTA I don’t get the confusion, she told you exactly how she’d like to be addressed by you - as Dr.

[Reddit User] - YTA. There is no confusion. You're choosing to be rude.

[Reddit User] - It's not a cultural norm, it's a professional one. Women with PhDs are often belittled and called by their first names, or Ms. Last Name, instead of by their earned professional title. I have no experience with ECE Professionals with Doctorates, but the others I know will ask that you address them with their professional titles in mixed company so no one tries to minimize their abilities with cute nicknames, and such.

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You are NTA for being confused, but Dr. Smith has the right to be addressed by her professional title. She literally earned it. You don't have to call her Dr. Smith in the house, but when you are speaking with her in her professional capacity then please just use her title. Otherwise, you seem too familiar.

drseussgrandchild - YTA. Teachers go by their first name and miss to lessen the power dynamic with kids. They want to be more casual in order to get the students comfortable, etc etc. that’s also why you see many k-3 teachers refer to their students by “friend.” You’re not a student. You’re an adult. She’s an adult. Her title is Dr. Smith, so that’s what you should address her as. It’s just respect dude.

swoopingturtle - YTA. She worked hard for her doctorate, and she also made a point to tell the kiddos that she is a doctor but recognizes that having them call her that might be confusing. If you want to call her Ms. Sarah, you can go back to the second grade. I think you can call her Dr. Smith to her face and Ms. Sarah to your kid. That shouldn’t really be that difficult.

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Also did she steamroll or was she just leading a meeting differently than you may have done? It sounds like there may be something deeper at play here. There is quite a bit that goes into teaching, and a doctorate is a lot of time and effort. If you want to be so dismissive, you try teaching your kid. Shame on you OP. Have some more respect for your child’s teacher.

[Reddit User] - YTA. This is such a small and petty reason to be upset. Just call her Dr. Smith, Jesus.

These takes hammer on respect for earned degrees, but do they miss the parent’s honest confusion? The PhD commenters’ perspective adds depth—cultural norm or personal pride?

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This saga of a teacher’s title and a parent’s lesson shows how quick judgments can trip us up. The parent’s shift to “Dr. Smith” was a win for respect, but was their initial pushback understandable? Should teachers standardize names across contexts, or is the split fair? How do you navigate professional titles in casual settings? Drop your stories and thoughts in the comments—let’s keep this respectful debate rolling!

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