AITA for not wanting my parents to be apart of my daughter’s life?

Imagine a young couple, barely adults, clutching their newborn son in a cramped apartment, scraping by without a dime or a word from the man’s parents, who cast him out for “shaming” them. Fast-forward 14 years: that same couple now thrives, with a teen son and a new baby girl. When the man’s estranged parents suddenly reach out, eager to meet their granddaughter but silent about their grandson, old wounds rip open.

This Reddit story is a raw slice of family drama, where past betrayals clash with a plea for reconciliation. Was the man’s sharp rejection of his parents’ olive branch a justified stand, or a grudge too heavy to hold? It’s a tale that stirs the heart, blending the sting of abandonment with the fierce love of a father protecting his kids.

‘AITA for not wanting my parents to be apart of my daughter’s life?’

This Reddit post lays bare a man’s struggle with his parents’ sudden reappearance after years of silence. Here’s his story, unfiltered:

When I was 18 my parents kicked me out of the house after I got my girlfriend pregnant. To them it was shameful and they completely cut me out of their lives and my family’s money. My girlfriend and I managed on our own after my son was born but it was a struggle for years.

We were living paycheck to paycheck and constantly stressed about money. My girlfriend’s parents helped out when they could and were the best grandparents to our son. By some miracle we managed to graduate from college even with work and raising a child.

Now we’re both 32, been married 6 years, living in our own home with our 13 year old son and our 4 month old daughter. I haven’t seen or spoken to anyone in my family except my cousins in years. Two wks ago my mom sent me a friend request on Facebook and also messaged me.

She sent this long message about how she’s wanted to talk for a while now and she apologized for the way they treated me. She and my dad were hoping we can make amends because they really want to meet my new daughter and get the chance to be grandparents.

She didn’t mention my son at all, ask how old he is, how he’s doing, or express any interest whatsoever in also wanting to see HIM, not just my daughter. I messaged her back and vented about all the hardship and obstacles my girlfriend and I had to deal with to get to where we are.

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And how hard it was that I didn’t have my parents emotional support through what was the most difficult time of my life. Sure their money would’ve made things a hell of a lot easier but I get that money shouldn’t be handed to us. But I feel the least they could have done was be there for me instead of erasing me from their lives.

I said they don’t get to walk back into our lives and I don’t want to hear from her again. I blocked her after that. A few days ago, one of my cousins mentioned my parents and said they’re telling everyone I’m refusing to let them meet their granddaughter.

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My cousin knows about everything but he thought it was still petty to be that way when they clearly regret what they did and want to be in my life now and I can’t allow a grudge to prevent them from being grandparents. My wife and I talked this over and she feels the same way I do but will support it if I want them around.

It really feels like they only care now because we’re older and the hard part is over. And honestly, my parents have always been extremely judgmental over everything. They’re also very snobby and I’m not 100% sure if that’s what I want my kids growing up with.

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My cousin keeps saying I’m in the wrong here and it’s hurting my parents that they’ll miss out on my daughter’s first year of life by not being around. I’m just a little lost and I don’t know if I really am being the bad guy or not. AITA?

This family rift is a textbook case of estrangement rooted in past pain. The man’s parents disowned him at 18, leaving him to navigate parenthood without their support. Their sudden interest in his daughter, while ignoring his son, signals a shallow attempt at reconciliation that prioritizes their desires over genuine remorse.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, an expert on family estrangement, writes, “Reconciliation requires acknowledging past harm and showing consistent effort to rebuild trust”. The parents’ failure to mention their grandson suggests they haven’t fully grasped the impact of their actions. A 2022 study in Family Relations found that 80% of successful reconciliations involve apologies that address specific wrongs.

The man’s anger is valid—his parents’ selective interest feels like a continuation of their judgment. However, a guarded meeting, as Dr. Coleman suggests, could test their sincerity: “Start with low-stakes contact, like coffee, without the kids.” He could demand they acknowledge both children equally. This protects his family while leaving room for healing, if genuine.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up takes as bold as a family reunion showdown. Here’s what the community had to say:

AmethysstFire − NTA. They made their feelings known 13 years ago. It's a total AH move to ask about one child and ignore the other. If you are so inclined, consider meeting with your parents in a public place, sans kids. If they are serious about reconnecting and making amends, they can start with just you and your wife.

If that goes well, over time, consider allowing them limited access to kids. Make it perfectly clear that it's a package deal. Either they treat both kids the same, or they see neither child.. You're probably better off without them in your life..

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Staceyrt − NTA. Why now? Why only your daughter? I get that people can grow but in that growth are they planning to pretend your son is still a shameful secret? Family is more than blood - they are the people who stand by you, with you and behind you in good and bad times.

The fact that your mom immediately went with woe is me, I’m the victim they won’t let me etc etc to everyone- says a lot to me. She isn’t even planning to put in some work to try and heal the rift that she allowed to grow.. In case it’s unclear- I support your decision 100%

sweetjacket − NTA. It's like they think they can just rug-sweep 13 years and jump on the grandparent bandwagon. They were MIA when their presence would have made a real difference and now they want to look good to their friends who are involved with their grandchildren.

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He thought it was still petty to be that way when they clearly regret what they did and want to be in my life now and I can’t allow a grudge to prevent them from being grandparents. If anything, they way they have followed up by bad mouthing you to all and sundry, is confirmation that leaving them out of your life is the right thing to do.

The haven't made any actual overtures to you or your wife, they just say they are entitled to access to one of your children.. Tell your cousin you appreciate the input and to b**t out of the discussion.

PseudoData − NTA. When anyone brings it up to you that you should make amends, etc., simply tell them the narrative might have played differently if they’d so much as asked about their grandson, even once, during the exchange.

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They don’t get to decide which of your children they’re ok with being grandparents to. You and your spouse do get to decide who gets to be a part of your children’s lives.. I hope, someday, your parents truly realize their mistakes and try to atone for them.

[Reddit User] − NTA.. What is wrong with some people. You should keep them blocked, like you said, they weren't even interested in your son, only in your daughter. They threw you out of their house for God's sake. They chose to cut you off, they chose not to support you. It isn't petty to say you want nothing to do with them.

Veridical_Perception − NTA. 1. Why is your cousin so invested? Why would he side with your parents after 14 years? Where were all these family members 14 years ago when your parents kicked you out? If they weren't there for you back then, you can be sure they're not thinking about your best interests now.

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2. You don't owe your parents anything with regard to your children, especially after your mother made it perfectly clear she's not interested in your older son. You don't get to pick and choose at your convenience which grandchildren you want to see.

3. Antennae up. Why are they even trying to contact you. While people can and do have a change of heart, people, especially parents who kick out their own children usually have other motives to reach out after years of silence. There is a huge difference between making you take responsibility for your choices and cutting off contact for 14 years.

Be on the lookout - something is up. Since it's reddit and AITA, money or an organ are usually the top reasons 'FaaaMiiiiiiLLLLLyyy' comes out of the woodwork out of the blue. Even if it's not one of those, there is a selfish reason buried just below the surface. You can count on that.. They haven't even apologized - not sincerely. Whatever your mother is thinking, it's still all about her.

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Queen_Red − NTA. Keep those toxic people out of your life. I definitely believe people can grow and learn from their mistakes but the fact that she did not even mention your son shows they did not learn anything. They’re upset about missing their granddaughter’s first year of life but don’t care about missing their grandsons 13 years? Please for your sons well-being do not let them back into your life.

JCWa50 − OP:. NTA. REPEAT AFTER ME: IT'S A TRAP. Make no mistake that is exactly what it is. You make a mistake and they kicked you out, treating you like a pariah and disown you. From the sounds of it, you more than paid that price. So in what warped mindset does make amends equate out to ignoring that you have an older son and only wanting to meet your daughter?

What makes them think that you are just going to rugsweep what they did, and forget and allow them back into your life when they did nothing, but decide that you did not exist? Like someone bring up your name, and they go Who? Now first is your cousin. You need to tell him, that as a flying monkey, he really needs to be more careful.

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What is going on between you and your parents, or the lack there of, is really none of his business. And if he is going to act the part, he may get hurt. Before all of this got started you and he were cool, but him being a flying monkey it is not cool and he needs to not bring up your parents ever again. If he does, well have a nice life, do not call me, I will contact you when I am so inclined.

Now as far as your parents, well you need to lay down heavy, and I do mean heavy boundaries. The first is that until they own what they did, and they have to state it, not only infront of the entire family in person but also on say a social media, as well, video and all about their actions, on how the kicked you out and then treated you like dirt, and in short did not talk, contact, inquire or even care if you lived or died.

Showed no interest in you, or your child or how everything was going. How they were cruel, mean and ultimately are sorry. (Yeah, means that they have to own that mess, that they created.) But it will still never be enough for you to consider them even getting to know, meet or see their grandchildren, until you are sure of their intentions.

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Because of what they did, you do not trust them, nor should you. And ultimately they are going to have to pay a price that they will not like,. And that if they can not even acknowledge your oldest son, their **FIRST GRANDCHILD.** And see about making amends with him, the daughter is off limits, no contact, no presents, no visits, nada.

In short you have the trump card, you have the means, what you do with it is up to you. But remember there are consequences for every action and a good chance that the only reason is not so innocent and that they are wanting something. As I stated in the first part of the post: It's a trap.

Keep in mind that she is already trash talking you to your family and all who know her, and you are already the bad guy in their eyes. Flying monkeys will come around, and cue in the guilt, and manipulation.. You really should check out JustNoMotherINLaw, for a bit more reading and justno families. For more advice.

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StormingBlitz91 − NTA - I think you should be careful with that particular cousin. I feel like he'll be the one to slip them your phone number and/ or address or get you to meet in a public place unknowingly with no where to run. Have you told him they never asked about your son?

i_hatecoriander − NTA firstly congrats on what you guys have achieved! Hope you, your wife and kids are doing well. Secondly you have absolutely every right to keep your parents out of your life or let them back in if you wish to.

These Reddit opinions are as fiery as a hearth, but do they miss the nuance of balancing forgiveness with protecting one’s kids?

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This story is a bittersweet brew of pain, pride, and parental love. The man’s refusal to let his parents waltz back into his life is a stand for his son’s worth, but their regret tugs at the heart. Could a cautious conversation open the door to healing, or is cutting them off the safest bet? What would you do if estranged family only wanted to connect with one of your kids? Share your thoughts—have you ever faced a tough call on forgiving family?

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