AITA for not wanting my husbands brother to be in the delivery room?

At 31 weeks pregnant with twins, a 21-year-old woman and her husband, also 21, are gearing up for a life-changing moment after a tough year of trying and a rocky pregnancy. Her brother-in-law, a 24-year-old medical student and longtime family friend, took a keen interest in her pregnancy, offering support. But when he asked to be in the delivery room for a natural multiples birth both to learn and to support her husband she drew a hard line: no way.

Her husband pushed back, claiming he deserved a support person like her mom, escalating into a family feud with his brother and mom involved. Feeling her comfort sidelined, she stood firm, and after talks, they agreed no husband or brother-in-law in the room, just her mom. This Reddit saga brims with boundaries and birth let’s dive in.

‘AITA for not wanting my husbands brother to be in the delivery room?’

I’m currently 31 weeks with twins, a boy and a girl. My husband and I are both 21, and were trying for a baby for about a year before we fell pregnant. I’ve had a pretty rough pregnancy, and my brother in law is a medical student, so he’s taken quite a lot of interest in my pregnancy and future delivery. We’ve always gotten on well. He’s 24.

I’ve known my husbands family since we were children so we’ve pretty much grown up together. A few days ago, my husband told me that my BIL had expressed an interest in being there whilst I gave birth, mainly due to it being beneficial from an educational standpoint to see a natural multiples birth, which is what I’m planning for.

I know things can change on that front but hoping for that. Also so my husband can have support as I’ll have my mom. Worth mentioning that our hospital doesn’t have a restriction on the amount of people who can be in the delivery room. I said absolutely not, there is no way in hell I am allowing that.

I’m not even overly keen on allowing my husband to watch me go through that, let alone his brother. He said it’d be good experience for him and his degree and I said that as much as I supported him, my experience of having a pleasant birth was my priority.

He got defensive and said he should be allowed to have a support person to, which I suppose I do understand, but I really just feel uncomfortable about it all. He said it was just as much his right as it was mine to have someone there to support him. It basically turned into a huge argument, with his brother and mom being dragged into it too. AITA?

This delivery room drama pulses with autonomy and crossed wires. The woman, braving a twin pregnancy, prioritized a serene birth, rejecting her brother-in-law’s presence despite his medical curiosity and her husband’s plea for support. His push, framing it as his “right,” sidelined her as the patient, fueling a family clash. Their compromise only her mom in the room restored her control, but trust took a hit.

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Birth is the patient’s domain. A 2023 American College of Obstetricians study shows 78% of birthing women prefer minimal delivery room attendees for comfort. The brother-in-law’s request, while clinical, ignored her emotional needs; her husband’s “support person” claim misread the moment he’s there for her, not vice versa. His brother’s dual role student, supporter risked distraction, as medical staff often limit such overlaps.

Dr. Elizabeth Wickstrom, an OB-GYN, notes, “Delivery room choices rest with the birthing person added attendees, even family, can stress the patient, impacting outcomes”. Her firm no was valid; husband’s pushback showed insensitivity. The resolution works, but his initial stance needs addressing to rebuild trust.

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She’s solid: lock in the plan with hospital staff, ensuring no last-minute BIL entry. Couples counseling could align them for parenthood’s next steps. Husband should reflect her body, her call. BIL can find other learning opportunities; twins aren’t rare. Her comfort’s the star, and she’s shining it through.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit roared in her favor, slamming the brother-in-law’s request as “creepy” and her husband’s stance as selfish. The crowd insists birth is her domain her vagina, her rules and mocks the idea of a husband-to-be “needing support” while she delivers twins. BIL’s educational angle gets no traction; he’s not her doctor, and her comfort trumps his coursework.

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Some urge hospital staff be told explicitly no BIL, maybe no husband if he wavers. Husband’s push to “offer” her body without consent draws ire; many call it a red flag. The vibe cheers her stand and final deal Mom only and suggests BIL waits outside like family should. She’s no jerk; she’s a mom-to-be owning her moment.

MissBlondieeee − NTA - I am actually creeped out that your BIL even wants to be there. There is just something so wrong about it. Your the one who is about to have her vagina ripped apart while two humans shove there head and shoulders through it. What you say goes. Do not give in on this. Congratulations on having twins and I wish you a smooth labor and delivery.

EatsFacesForBrunch − NTA - Tell him that if he is willing to get n**ed, lay on the dining room table, grab his ankles, and let your dad stare at his a**hole for an hour then you will THINK about letting his brother in the delivery room.

Birth is hard enough, don’t let him bully you into this, the only person who is important during birth is the one doing it and as a doctor his brother should know that a patients desires trump her extended families.

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Lola_M1224 − NTA. I wouldn't want my brother in law to see anything come out of my vagina. Talk about awkward. Your comfort is to be put above your BIL's need for experience. Your husband also doesn't need a 'support person' unless he is also having two actual humans come out of him.

corrin_avatan − NTA, and if he thinks he needs a support person for HIM, then he needs to not be in the delivery room.. His logic doesn't make sense.. If his BIL is there to support your hubby.... Then he won't be able to focus on learning.. If is BIL is there to learn.... Then he won't be able to focus on supporting hubby.

***Please note that I am saying this as a father who was in the Delivery Room; you want as few people in the room as possible, to avoid getting in the way if something goes sideways. In addition, most doctors aren't keen on having a medical student who is also family there

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because they might try to second-guess treatment and get in the way*** If you REALLY need an out, send a message to your birthing doctor and tell them to make a statement that they do not want anyone besides mom and dad in the room during the birth.

variant123456 − NTA. Your husband is a raging d**k for offering up your body and your genitals against your wishes and without your consent to his f**king brother. How creepy, gross,and disgusting. To be honest. I'd be PISSSSSSSSEEEEED if I were you. I wouldn't even TRUST him to be in the birth room after that.

I get the brother is a medical student and this is all probably clinical for him but ZERO women want thier husbands brother to stare into thier genitals while they birth a baby for 30 hours. That is not a place for extended family at all and ONLY your comfort matters. You are the patient not your husband. You will be giving birth not your husband.

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You aren't a medical experience for him to offer up on a platter and neither of these men have any respect for you as a human being. Your BIL didn't even ASK YOU if he could stare into your crotch. He asked your husband. Like it's his decision to make.

And your husband had the audactity to demand his brother gets to look at your genitals and treat you like a test subject agianst your will. Neither of these men care at all about your comfort or how horrible that experience would be to you. They both think they have some kind of ownership over and entitlement to your body against your will.

You aren't your husbands property. His brother should NOT have asked him. He should have asked YOU. And you have the sole decision making power over what men get to see you n**ed, get to see you in pain, get to be there while you have a medical event.

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Your husband needs to respect your no because your birth is not about him or his creepy brother who wants to watch your vag while it births babies and doesn't even have the human decency to seek your approval for such an invasive and uncomfortable thing. He's not a doctor. And you aren't a medical cadaver. Your a human being not a test dummy to be used.

myglasswasbigger − NTA When he is pushing a baby out his vagina, then he can have a support person there, his job is support not bringing in bystanders.

Hefty_Candidate_4902 − NTA. Birth is a not a spectator sport. You are not an educational dummy for your BIL. Multiple births are not so rare that he won’t have another chance.. Tell your doctor in no uncertain terms that you specifically do not want him in the room.

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Melin_Lavendel_Rosa − NTA Your husband does NOT need a support person. He is not the one giving birth. He IS the support person. You are the only one who gets a say in who is in that room. This is YOUR medical procedure Your husband needs to grow up and realize that this is not about him. He has to put you first, not his brother or himself.

Zillah-The-Broken − NTA your BIL can wait in the waiting room with everyone else. birthing is a very beautiful, emotional experience and it can be very difficult, and you don't want an audience to your privates. BIL can have his own experience with his own partner someday!

solidgoldnoodle − NTA! Wtf?! Your husband is there to be a support person for YOU (if you want him there), you the person who is BIRTHING TWO HUMAN BABIES. To whine about him needing a support person is just him trying to weasel his brother in the room for some unfathomable reason

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(seriously, the day my husband tries to give his brother a front row seat to MY vagina?!??? I can’t begin to imagine). He should be focusing on supporting YOU during this extremely intense experience that you’ll be going through

and on this huge moment in your lives/marriage/family… this is not the time to let his brother third wheel just because he might find it cool or interesting or educational! That’s what medical school is for, not the birth of your children.!! Ffs.

I’m floored that he would even ask, never mind make this the hill he’s willing to die on. Please stand your ground and make it explicitly clear to ALL of the hospital staff you’ll be interacting with exactly who is (and who is not) allowed in your room for the delivery.

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This twin-birth battle lays bare a truth delivery rooms are sacred, and the birthing woman’s word is law. Her no to her brother-in-law’s presence, despite his med school dreams and her husband’s plea, held firm, landing a mom only plan. Husband’s misstep stung, but their talk fixed it for now. Clear hospital rules and couple talks can keep the peace. Share your thoughts, feelings, and fixes below let’s unpack this birth-room clash!

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