AITA for not wanting my boyfriend to get us takeout?

A phone call about takeout ignites a storm of stress in a cramped apartment where every dollar counts. A 26-year-old woman, stretched thin by bills and hunger, panics when her boyfriend suggests ordering food despite their $170 grocery budget for four weeks. She’s carrying the financial load after his demotion, scraping by on office coffee while their pantry echoes with emptiness. His casual dismissal of their plight feels like a slap, turning a simple meal into a battleground.

This isn’t just about skipping takeout; it’s about survival, partnership, and the weight of unequal burdens. Her tears and his indifference spark a rift that Reddit dives into with fierce support. Join us as we unpack this raw tale of financial strain and clashing priorities, where a single order could tip the scales of a struggling relationship.

‘AITA for not wanting my boyfriend to get us takeout?’

Me (26F) and my boyfriend (28M) moved in together 8 months ago. Things were going well financially until he got demoted 2 months ago (for missing deadlines). Now we're in a position where we're not getting by. We're not barely getting by...we're not making it at all.

I'll use 90% of my salary for our rent, utilities, gas and my student loans. Boyfriend will use 60% of his salary for his own loans and study fees. We decided to use my salary for the more important things since it's larger. The rest will go for groceries.

We came up with a strict grocery budget to help us get through. But it barely does. Last month I had to ask my parents for money because our pantry was empty, and we literally had nothing to eat. We currently have about 170 dollars to get us through 4 weeks.

Today bf called me and said he was ordering take out and asked if I wanted anytjing. I immediately started to panic and asked him not to. He said that he's hungry. I reminded him of the food we do have at home, and that he can make some mac n cheese. And I'll have whatevers left when I come homw.

He said that buying takeout for him alone wouldn't cost that much, and that if I don't want to have some, it's fine. I started crying a bit. I'm hungry at work, but I'm relying on office coffee to ease my appetite. All this financial stress is suffocating me. But thinking that I might be a controlling gf is even worse. His words are stuck in my head. Am I the a**hole here?

Panicking over a takeout order when you’re down to $170 for a month’s groceries isn’t controlling—it’s survival instinct. This woman’s carrying 90% of their expenses while her boyfriend, demoted for missing deadlines, shrugs off their dire straits. His suggestion to splurge on takeout, even just for himself, ignores their shared struggle, like tossing a match into a dry forest. Her tears reflect not manipulation but the crushing weight of financial stress.

This mirrors broader issues of financial inequity in relationships. A 2022 study from the Financial Health Network found that 45% of couples cite financial stress as a top relationship strain, often tied to unequal contributions (Financial Health Network). Her boyfriend’s demotion shifted the burden onto her, yet he fails to adjust his habits, risking their stability.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a relationship expert, notes, “Partnerships thrive on shared responsibility, especially in crisis” (Doctor Ramani). His disregard for their budget undermines her efforts, while his dismissal of her distress as “controlling” deflects accountability. She’s not wrong to set boundaries—$42.50 weekly for two people barely covers ramen, let alone takeout.

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For resolution, they should revisit their budget, splitting essentials equitably, and explore aid like food banks, as Redditors suggested. She could propose he take on a side gig to ease the strain. Readers in similar binds should track expenses and communicate needs clearly, seeking external support if needed. Her stand wasn’t about control—it was about keeping them afloat.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit rolled in like a lifeline, tossing out support with a side of shade for the boyfriend’s recklessness. It’s like a group chat where everyone’s rooting for her to stay fed and sane. Here’s the raw scoop:

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coffeecoffi − In the short term, get to the local food bank and get yourself food.. In the longer term, this guy is bad news bears.. Wanting to be able to eat at the end of the month is not controlling.

GuiltyPick − NTA when it comes to surviving the next 4 weeks. He’s an a**hole for not thinking. Op you’re gonna have some tough times ahead love if this continues. Edit: I didn’t think it worth it to elaborate on the millions of reasons why. But if this is a pattern op, run!

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Wishiwashome − NTA 42.50 a week is your budget for food and one take out with tip can wipe that out with great ease. Understandably your BF is down, BUT he can’t expect you to keep borrowing from your parents. I am not sure where you live but 42.50 a week for 2 people is Ramen. I am sorry you all are in this situation, but you are not being controlling. You are sitting at work hungry.

DoughnutPrincessL1F3 − NTA you are carrying his deadweight right now and he needs to pull his finger out and understand buying the odd takeaway here and there is making you sink. Are you able to move to a less expensive place. Is he able to reduce his loan payments by claiming financial hardship etc?

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Manager-Limp − NTA and there is a term in maritime and commercial law when a ship is sinking: jettison.. Throw him overboard. He has no consideration at all for the financial situation he put both of you in.

walnutwithteeth − NTA but there are much bigger issues here than takeout. The fact that you're struggling financially is a direct result of him performing poorly at work. He should be doing everything he can to rectify this issue, not making it worse.

He needs to either look for a better paying job or take a second part time one. If you're renting, I wouldn't suggest renewing your lease once the year is up. If you want to stay with this guy then you'll need to downsize. If you don't, then put your notice in now and find something you can afford on your own.

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ComputerCrafty4781 − NTA. You're starving yourself at work and he's ordering takeout.. He's letting you bare the heavier burden of his financial shortfall. Rework the budget so that you have adequate money for eating at work

and put the burden of the shortfall where it belongs, as his responsibility.. If you get sick due to stress or bad diet, you'll be putting your income in jeopardy as well.. Take care of yourself first.

ResponseMountain6580 − NTA your boyfriend is irresponsible.

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Maximum_Mobile9341 − Can you apply for food stamps? Or other assistance? Is there a food bank near you? A church? Somewhere you all can get some regular help?

Majestic-Moon-1986 − NTA. When you don't have enough money for groceries, you definitely don't have money for take out. Your bf is the AH. You are not controlling, he screwed up. There are no nicer words for it.

He got demoted, putting you both in this position. He needs to understand that actions have consequences. And the consequences of his actions are huge, no take out is actually the smallest of those consequences.

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coffeecoffi − In the short term, get to the local food bank and get yourself food.. In the longer term, this guy is bad news bears.. Wanting to be able to eat at the end of the month is not controlling.

Redditors cheered her for holding the line, slamming her boyfriend’s irresponsibility and urging practical fixes like food stamps or dumping him entirely. Some saw his demotion as his burden to fix, not hers. But do these takes solve their financial mess, or just spotlight his flaws?

This woman’s panic wasn’t about a meal—it was about surviving a financial freefall while her boyfriend looked the other way. His takeout craving exposed a deeper rift in responsibility, leaving her to carry the weight alone. It’s a stark reminder that partnership means sharing the load, not adding to it. Have you ever faced a partner who ignored a shared struggle? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this budget-busting drama together.

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