AITA for not wanting a relationship with my parents now they’ve cut me off?

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Imagine celebrating your 20th birthday with a gut-punch call from your parents, yanking away the financial lifeline they promised for your dream university. For one student, this wasn’t just a plot twist—it was a betrayal that left them couch-surfing and staring down the barrel of dropping out. With a high-intensity course and a measly maintenance loan, their parents’ abrupt decision to “teach independence” flipped their world upside down, revealing a darker motive rooted in prejudice.

The sting of this abandonment cuts deep, as the student grapples with financial ruin and familial mistrust. Their parents’ expectation of warm birthday calls while leaving them in the lurch paints a vivid picture of fractured bonds. Readers can’t help but feel the student’s rage and heartbreak, questioning whether cutting ties is justified or if guilt should hold them back.

‘AITA for not wanting a relationship with my parents now they’ve cut me off?’

I'm a student. My parents make enough money that when I went through student finance to get my maintenance loan I was told I could only get the minimum (just over 3k a year) because finance is calculated from what your parents earn and there's an assumption that your parents will help you out.

I'm on a high intensity course and I wasn't sure how I'd be able to balance studying and schooling, so when I found out I was going to get minimum I told my parents I wanted to either take the coming year to save up, and then go to my first choice university a year later than planned, or go to my second choice now because I wouldn't be able to afford to live in the city my first choice is in.

My parents then said that they would pay my rent if I went to my first choice on schedule. They set me up in a studio flat, so all I had to do was get a part time job to cover the cost of food and bills. On 18th February - my 20th birthday - they called me and said that I was relying on them too much and needed to find out what the real world was like by earning my own money,

so they would cover my rent and phone for that month (so until end of February) and after that I was on my own, then said that they were still my parents and they loved me, and wanted me to stay in touch, just learn some independence while doing this. I begged them to reconsider but they ended the call, so I had 11 days notice that I would have no flat or phone.

I begged my uni for emergency housing but they said that I had no proof I'd been cut off so they couldn't do anything. I emailed my parents asking them to write a letter stating they'd cut me off so I could sort my student finance and emergency housing, they said no.

I asked work if I could take on more hours and was told that due to my contract I can't do any more than I'm already doing, so I'm now looking for a second job. I'm sleeping on a friend's sofa until a place I can afford opens up, and as I still don't have proof I've been cut off for student finance I will probably have to drop out this summer.

I got a facebook message from them today telling me they were disappointed I didn't call on mum's birthday a couple days ago, and that I've not given them my new phone number yet. I responded telling them the position I'm currently in and that I no longer want a relationship with them. I've gotten a bunch of messages from them and my brothers asking me to reconsider.

My friend says I shouldn't feel bad but I feel incredibly guilty, and like a spoiled brat, because I don't love my family for their money, I love them because they're my family, but at the same time they've really screwed me over here.. AITA for not wanting a relationship with them?. ​

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Update: I messaged them asking why they cut me off, saying the least they could do was explain why they're fine leaving me homeless. They responded. My friend (the one I'm staying with) is an out and proud lesbian. There are maybe 2 posts about me on her social media, one being a group shot of us and some people we were studying with in the library with me and her sat together,

and another from a couple days before my birthday where she posted a photo of me when we went to lunch because we weren't planning on seeing each other on my actual birthday, and in the caption she refers to me as 'princess' in a clearly joking way. My brothers then showed our parents and told them I was a lesbian and she was my girlfriend.

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So now I have proof that they cut me off, proof they're h**ophobic and confirmation that they can and will switch on me at the drop of a hat, as well as proof of my brothers (who are older than me and living with our parents) being jealous s**t heads.

They didn't just tell me this on the phone because they hoped I'd figure it out, which is tricky ~~given that it's not f**king true~~ \*. Apparently there's enough affection still there for them to expect a call on mum's birthday, but not enough to not totally f**k me over. So yeah, never talking to them again. Any of them.

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I've sent the screenshots to the person I spoke to in emergency housing, though I've been warned that for something called 'emergency' housing it's not very fast. My friend has said I can stay with her as long as I need. The reply my parents sent hasn't explicitly said the phrase 'we cut you off because' but given the context of them replying to my message asking why it should be enough.

Thanks everyone, I felt really s**tty cutting them off over finances, but now I know they're pure f**king evil I don't feel so bad. I've also sent my parents the screenshots of my brother confirming that he and my brother lied about me, and they've very apologetic, but that doesn't change anything. As my brothers live with my parents, I hope they're all very happy together right now.

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New plan: changing the focus of my studies going into third year to focus on the subjects I want to do, not the ones my parents wanted me to do. If I do this, I have a far better shot at getting a work placement (it's far less popular than my current field of study) and if I get a work placement I can spend my third year working full time, earning a bit of cash, and then resume my studies the following year.

Failing this, and if I can't get any help from the university or student finance, then I will defer my third year and work full time for a year. My friend says I can stay with her as long as I need and has said if I can't get emergency housing but can sort out my placement or another job then we could get a place together next year so I have a confirmed roommate.. I no longer think I'm TA so I'll probably be taking this down.

\*so here's the thing. I might not be straight. I'm figuring it out and I don't really have the capacity to go through it right now, but I've never said anything to anyone, at all, ever, because I knew my parents were h**ophobic, so my brothers may have thought they were lying but they also may have been inadvertently correct, and I have to say being correct by accident is very typical of them.

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When parents pull the financial rug out from under a student, it’s more than a lesson in independence—it’s a seismic betrayal. This student’s world unraveled when their parents cut support with just 11 days’ notice, driven by homophobic assumptions about their friend. The refusal to provide written proof for emergency housing or student finance only deepened the wound, leaving the student in a precarious limbo.

The parents’ actions reflect a mix of control and prejudice, using financial leverage to enforce their biases. Dr. Becky Kennedy, a parenting expert, notes, “Trust is built through reliability; breaking promises erodes it”. Here, the parents’ volte-face and homophobic reasoning shattered trust, prioritizing their beliefs over their child’s stability.

This ties to a broader issue: familial rejection based on perceived identity. A 2023 Trevor Project study found 60% of LGBTQ+ youth face family rejection, impacting mental health. The student’s decision to cut contact is a self-protective boundary, not spite.

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For solutions, the student should pursue emergency housing with the provided screenshots and consult their university’s financial aid office for scholarship protections. Counseling could help process the emotional toll.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit brought the heat, rallying behind the student with a mix of outrage and empathy. From slamming the parents’ cruelty to cheering the student’s resilience, here’s the top takes:

singinscotlawyer - NTA. Your parents royally screwed you over here. You had two separate plans to be able to afford to go to university yourself and they said if you went to your first choice they would help you out. To then cut you off with very little warning is completely unfair. I don't blame you for not wanting a relationship with them after they've put you in this position.

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RockorRollInitiative - NTA, they made an offer and backed out of it, in the middle of a semester. If they wanted you to be independent they should've let you make your own decision to go a year later. Now youre out of a home

and struggling financially (and even if you get on top of finances fully, youll be strung too thin for your health) because they pulled the rug from under you. I understand, it feels real grimy to try to cut ties when money is involved. But really it shouldn't be about the money, it's about the fact they left you out to dry and they expect a 'thank you'.

amberlikesowls - NTA They only gave you an 11 day notice before you had to come up with the money for rent and your phone bill. That's messed up. Then they wouldn't write a letter so you could prove you were financially independent. That's where I find them as TA. You don't have to talk to them if you don't want to.

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LarryDavidsCereal - Am I reading this right? You were willing to delay your plans so you could get your finances in order and your parents told you not to worry about it, that they would pay- you relied on that and they suddenly cut you off with less than 2 weeks notice?

Did something drastic happen to bring this about? If this is truly what happened, it is incredibly hard to believe they could be -- *both of them yet*\-- this cruel and destructive to their child. I cannot believe there isn't something very relevant missing from the post- but if not, very NTA.

MsMissy116 - NTA your parents set you up for failure. What I dont understand is why they refuse to put into writing what they have done if they believe it to be the right decision.. You've been abandoned and your response is normal.

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IrishmanGFS - Absolutely NTA. They said they'd back you up and then went back on their word. At this point they'd better feel lucky if you send them a message, let alone rebuild a future relationship with potential grandkids.

avengedcelery - NTA A lot of people have already covered the basics. But also the maintenance loans in the UK (which I’m guessing is where you’re from) are based on parental income because the government expects the parents to subsidise the rest. Whether you think this is fair or not, it is their presumed responsibility to ensure you can comfortably live and study.

They accepted this and then just took that away from you with no chance to adapt to the change. It can take over a month to get a job from applying to interviewing to actually starting and then another month to get paid, and that’s assuming you get a job straight away.

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This isn’t encouraging independence, it’s encouraging failure because there is no way to live like this, let alone study. They clearly have no idea how the real world works today and you don’t deserve this at all. You owe them absolutely nothing in terms of a relationship.

If they’ve been otherwise good parents and you would still want a relationship with them if it wasn’t for this situation, I would talk to them and tell them exactly how unreasonable they are being, how impossible it is to assume you can just become independent at the click of their fingers, and how much of an effect this will have on your future when you can’t continue your degree

because you have nowhere to live or have to work so much you don’t have the time to do university work, which heavily relies on independent study. If it doesn’t change their minds, not only would I tell you to not feel bad about cutting them off, I would ADVISE you to cut them off. Even if you didn’t do all that, NTA.

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Jacketthrowawayasu - NTA. They made you a deal and it seems like they cut it off without good reason (I could understand if they'd fallen on hard times or something, but it sounds like they just made the decision to cut you off with no external factors). They convinced you to take on a more intense college situation with the understanding of their help, and you would have acted differently if they had not intervened.

njbella - NTA. I’ve seen a lot of entitled jerks whining about parents not paying for this or that. But, you are not one of them. What they did was terrible.

[Reddit User] - NTA. They cut you off with eight days warning and wouldn't even admit it in writing so you could keep a roof over your head. I'd block them.

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These Reddit roasts hit hard, but do they miss the complexity of family ties? Or is cutting off these parents the only path forward?

This student’s saga is a gut-wrenching mix of betrayal, prejudice, and survival. Their parents’ sudden cut-off, fueled by baseless homophobia, left them scrambling for a roof and a future. Choosing to sever ties feels like a middle finger to disloyalty, but the guilt lingers. Would you cut off family who pulled this stunt, or try to mend the bridge? Drop your hot takes below—how would you handle this mess?

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