AITA For not wanted to help my ex-friend after she ended our 3 years of friendship for her now ex-boyfriend?

After three years of friendship, a woman cuts ties when her friend, Y, chooses a toxic boyfriend over their bond, hurling insults like “ugly single person” and dismissing her warnings. Six months later, Y comes crawling back, humiliated by the boyfriend’s betrayal, only to face a blunt rejection: “You made your choice, deal with it.” The confrontation, laced with raw honesty, reignites old wounds and divides their mutual friends.

This Reddit tale, pulsing with the sting of betrayal, explores the cost of loyalty and the weight of consequences. The woman’s refusal to offer comfort to Y, who trashed their friendship, raises questions about forgiveness and accountability. Was her harsh response justified, or did it cross a line? Let’s unpack this fiery clash of broken bonds.

‘AITA For not wanted to help my ex-friend after she ended our 3 years of friendship for her now ex-boyfriend?’

So background information, I have (or had) this friend lets call her Y, she's that kind of girl who does not listen to warning and land herself in n**ty situations, it was never bad until she got a boyfriend and didnt listen to me. So Y had this very toxic boyfriend, she always talks about how she loves him etc...

I always told her that he's using her and that he's not worth it and that he was cheating on her, she did not believe me and told me that I will never understand her feelings because and I quote 'An ugly single person like you would never understand what having a real man feels like, you're just jealous' at that moment I didnt even bother to keep the friendship between up.

The conversation went like this.. Me : so you're choosing a man that you dated for a month over our 3 years of friendship. Y : oh my God, you've always been jealous of me weren't you, you never liked that I was always better than you, now that I got a boyfriend you want to ruin my relationship?. Me : you know what, I wont even bother, dont talk to me anymore.

And true to my words I blocked her on all social medias, we had some friends in commun so it was kind of impossible to not see her, but we never spoke to each other, our mutual friends told me that she says n**ty things behind my back. I just shrugged and told them that I did not care.

Besides me, two of our 5 friends group (we are 7 including me and Y) saw Y's boyfriend cheating multiple times, they did tell her, she did not believe them and cut them out of her life, apparently her boyfriend told her that they tried to get him to their bed, which was not true cause they both are dating two other girls (they did not tell Y cause she's kinda H**ophobic).

One day after six months of not talking, Y came to me crying, apparently her now ex-boyfriend shared a video of them doing the n**ty to all his friends in the chat group, they started calling her n**ty things and laughing at her, she found out about him cheating etc...

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I'll be honest and here where I may be the AH, I did not care nor did I pity her, I told her 'Why did you come here, am not your friend for you to vent your problems at me, you made your choice, I warned you, deal with it'. She called me the B-word and an AH, I just shrugged and added.

'You've been saying n**ty things behind my back all this time, you really think I'll help you after all that ? I warned you didnt I ? So why are you crying ? 3 years of friendship, you threw that out of the window for a man, and just for that, you're not worth another second in my life'

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I may have been harsh, but I believe that she needed to hear that, even my two others friends didnt want to help her or hear her out, but Y sister is calling me an AH for not helping Y and so does the other 3 friends that still kept in touch with her.. So AITA ?

This friendship fallout is a stark lesson in the consequences of betrayal. The woman’s refusal to help Y, after being insulted and discarded for a toxic boyfriend, is a boundary rooted in self-respect. Y’s decision to ignore warnings, cut off mutual friends, and spread negativity cemented the rift, making her plea for support feel opportunistic rather than remorseful.

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Friendships thrive on mutual respect. A 2023 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that betrayal, like dismissing a friend’s concerns or insulting them, often leads to permanent estrangement, especially without genuine apologies. Y’s actions—choosing her boyfriend and later badmouthing the woman—eroded trust, while her lack of an apology, as noted in Reddit comments, justifies the cold response.

Dr. Irene Levine, a friendship expert, says, “When someone betrays a friendship, rebuilding trust requires accountability, not just neediness”. Here, the woman’s sharp words, while harsh, reflect the pain of Y’s past cruelty. A softer response might have de-escalated, but Y’s history of disrespect—calling her a “b**ch” and spreading rumors—makes compassion a tall order.

This story highlights broader issues of loyalty and consequences in friendships. The woman might consider addressing Y’s sister calmly to clarify her stance, while Y needs to own her actions.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s take on this friendship implosion is as fierce as a slammed door! From cheering the woman’s “flawless logic” to urging her to block Y’s sister, the community backs her stand with gusto, though some question Y’s homophobia and motives.

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OluwaMac - NTA. She's not a friend to you, her actions dictated that. Block the sister too. If she can't see that what Y did to you was wrong then she's very likely the same. I love everything you said to her. Now block them all and go on and live a happy life without them.

snortsrainbows - NTA. She wasn't a real friend.. Info: Did she ever apologize?

DynkoFromTheNorth - NTA. She had this coming. Your logic is flawless in this matter.

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hayliis - NTA. You're not allowing her to walk all over you, and making sure that you're closing your circle to people who will value you. Good on you.

StonyOwl - NTA, at all, but why would you be friends with someone who's h**ophobic to begin with, that's a deal breaker right there.

Escape_Overlander - This girl is trash, She sounds like a pompous a**hole that will throw anyone under the bus that disrupts the lie she's trying to live. I wouldn't waste a second thinking about her again, She's reaping what she sowed. Nta

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TheMobyDicks - Easy one. You're right and anyone who says otherwise is wrong. NTA.

RaineBillions - NTA. There are those people in life that really feel like they can say and do anything wrong to you and you should be OK with it. There are consequences to actions. I don't think she should have gave up her boyfriend for your friendship

but I do believe she should have heard you out and said I'll just be your friend but I'm not breaking up with him. She can do those crazy mean things to her sister and she still stays her sister.. A friend does not have to put up with any cr*p.

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ReasonableAlbatross - NTA. Like you said, she made her choice. It would be different if she was polite about ignoring your advice, but it sounds like she's an awful person just anyway. Keeping her out of your life is a good idea.

I don't really understand why she came to you when she has other friends that she talks to. You could have been a little more compassionate about your response to her, though I totally understand why you used the words you used.

craftybiotch - NTA...you don't owe her time, patience or an ear to listen to her problems. Some friendships don't get mended or should be. You cutting her out probably was best.

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These reactions highlight the betrayal’s sting, but do they fully weigh the woman’s harsh delivery?

This tale of a shattered friendship shows how betrayal can burn bridges for good. The woman’s refusal to aid her ex-friend, Y, after years of loyalty were tossed aside for a toxic man, is a stand for self-worth, though its bluntness sparked debate. With mutual friends divided, it’s a reminder that actions have lasting echoes. Have you ever cut off a friend who betrayed you? What would you do in this woman’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

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