AITA for not waking up my girlfriend after she ignores her alarm?

In this post, a 28-year-old man recounts a tense incident with his girlfriend involving his morning routine. His girlfriend, who works an extremely early 5am job, sets six alarms a day but usually oversleeps most of them.

While OP usually wakes her up to avoid being late, this time she decides not to intervene, causing her girlfriend to oversleep and rush off to work. Now, OP is wondering if she was wrong for not fulfilling her usual role as backup alarm for her partner.

‘AITA for not waking up my girlfriend after she ignores her alarm?’

Dr. Emily Rivera, a psychologist specializing in relationship dynamics, explains that the situation at hand goes beyond a simple question about an alarm; it highlights deeper issues of dependency and personal boundaries within a relationship. “In any partnership, each individual must be allowed to maintain their own well-being, which includes adequate sleep and personal space,” she states.

“If one partner consistently acts as the other’s backup alarm, it can lead to an unhealthy dynamic where one person feels overburdened and the other becomes overly reliant on external prompts to manage daily responsibilities.” Dr. Rivera emphasizes that while caring for your partner is a fundamental aspect of a relationship, it should not come at the cost of one’s own health.

“Chronic sleep disruption can have serious long-term effects on both physical and mental health. When one partner repeatedly neglects their own need for rest by expecting the other to wake them up, it creates a pattern of dependency that can be detrimental over time,” she explains. Moreover, she notes that the issue isn’t merely about waking up on time; it’s also about mutual respect and effective communication.

“When a partner feels that even neutral, clarifying questions are interpreted as personal attacks, it signals that there might be underlying insecurities or communication gaps that need to be addressed,” Dr. Rivera continues. “In these instances, it can be very helpful for both individuals to have an open discussion about their morning routines and expectations.

This might involve setting up agreed-upon strategies, such as placing the alarm out of reach or using a different method to wake up, so that both partners’ needs are met without one feeling micromanaged.” Dr. Rivera concludes, “The OP’s decision to refuse to act as a personal alarm is a clear assertion of her own needs. It’s a necessary boundary, especially given that her own well-being is at risk due to her work demands and her physical condition.

While it might seem harsh in the moment, establishing these boundaries can lead to more balanced and respectful interactions in the long run.  Ultimately, both partners need to work together to create a routine that honors individual autonomy while still supporting each other.”

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit users overwhelmingly support the OP’s decision. Many commenters point out that if her girlfriend is used to relying on her to wake her up, that’s her own problem—especially when the OP is recovering from her own issues and has a busy schedule. Several users noted that expecting someone to sacrifice their sleep and well-being every day is unreasonable.

While a few mentioned that perhaps a playful, alternative method (like using a water gun) might be a fun solution, the consensus is that the OP is not the asshole for prioritizing her own rest and safety over being a perpetual alarm clock.

This situation raises important questions about balancing care with personal boundaries in relationships. Is it fair to expect one partner to serve as a constant backup for the other, even if it means sacrificing their own well-being? Have you ever had to set firm boundaries in a relationship over recurring habits?

We invite you to share your experiences and thoughts on how to create a balanced routine that respects both partners’ needs without fostering dependency.