AITA for not waking my boyfriend which made him late to his first day at a new job?

Picture a quiet morning, the clock ticking past 5am as a 28-year-old woman tiptoes through her routine, coffee brewing, while her boyfriend of three years snoozes on, oblivious to the dawn. They’d clashed early on—he’d snapped after a wake-up gone wrong, demanding she never rouse him, even for the Pope, and signed a quirky “contract” to seal it. She filed it away, a daughter of lawyers, chuckling but firm. Now, he’s landed a new job, partied late with online pals, and 7am rolls by—still asleep.

She exits at 8:15am, true to their pact, only to return to a storm of shouts: he’s late, blaming her! She waves the paper, cool as ice: “You’re an adult, set an alarm.” Readers, can you feel the tension—his fury, her resolve? Was she wrong to let him sleep? Let’s unravel this wake-up drama!

‘AITA for not waking my boyfriend which made him late to his first day at a new job?’

I(28F) have lived with my BF(30M) for 3 years now. When I first stayed the night and he overslept I woke him up. He woke up in a bad mood and after a big fight made it absolutely clear that I should not wake him up even if I knew he would be late to meeting the Pope (his words)

After I calmed down I wrote a 'contract' that said I would never wake him up under any circumstance short of an emergency as long as he never blames me for oversleeping. He laughed and signed it. I kept it with my important documents. (Daughter of two lawyers, get everything in writing and don't sign anything unless you and your lawyer read it are rules I live by)

Fast forward to yesterday, he just started a new job, celebrated the night before playing with some guys online. He had to wake up by 7am. I woke up at 5am like usual, did all my stuff, by the time it was 7am he didn't wake up. I left the house at 8.15am and he was still asleep.

When I got back he was there and he was very angry, he started shouting and blamed me for being late, said I should have woken him when I noticed he overslept. All I did was stay silent untill he stopped shouting then showed him the paper he signed.

And then I said I never woke you up and I never will, you are an adult and you can set an alarm like the rest of us. Also you being late is a you problem and I have no part in it at all. Now he says that I am an AH and I should know that the old rules do not apply since he no longer works for his friend that was lax with time. I still think I did nothing wrong.. So AITA?

Mornings can turn messy when couples tangle over who’s the alarm clock. Our 28-year-old woman held fast to a three-year-old “contract”—no wake-ups, no blame—after her boyfriend’s past meltdown. He overslept his new job’s first day, post-gaming, and erupted, pinning his tardiness on her. She stood firm, paper in hand, calling him an adult. He claims old rules don’t fit a stricter gig—fair, or a flimsy dodge?

Couples misfire on communication often—70% cite it as a top issue, per a 2024 Relate survey (source: relate.org). Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes in a 2023 article, “Partners thrive on mutual support; clear expectations, not quirky pacts, build trust” (source: gottman.com). Here, the boyfriend’s no-alarm habit and yelling clash with her rigid stance—both stumble.

ADVERTISEMENT

The fix? Dr. Gottman suggests a reset: ditch the “contract,” talk needs—maybe he sets two alarms, she nudges if dire. Check resources like Couples Coaching (couplescoachingonline.com) for tips.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit crew—candid, snappy, and ready to roll! The community chimed in, tossing verdicts on this sleepy showdown:

ADVERTISEMENT

narrow_octopus - NTA it also sounds like you're in a bad relationship

butt_scratcher_007 - NTA. This is the second post I’ve commented on today regarding grown ass man being responsible for getting their asses out of bed.

ADVERTISEMENT

BearyHills615 - NTA He is an adult and if the job really mattered to him then he would make sure he was on time.. He's an AH for thinking you're his mom and making sure he wakes up on time.. ✌🏽

[Reddit User] - NTA. You're his girlfriend, not his mother.

HerFabulousness - NTA, it’s not your problem if he can’t wake up on time.

getjicky - NTA. He never renegotiated voiding the agreement.

ADVERTISEMENT

nousernamefound13 - NTA. He previously made it clear he never wants to be woken up by you. He never asked you to wake him up in case he overslept. His own fault. However this does not serm like a healthy relationship you have there. You might want to reevaluate if you really want to be with someone who treats you this way

[Reddit User] - ESH He should have set an alarm for himself and he shouldn't have yelled at you like that. Now, if I'm reading this right, you had him sign the form over three years ago. There's a decent chance he forgot about it.

S**t, it sounds like he might not have realized how serious you were about the form. You could have been nice and woken him up instead of being a**l about an okd form that isn't legally binding in the first place. Are you Sheldon Cooper?

ADVERTISEMENT

LionCM - ESH. You guys need to break up. You're awful people. 1) A contract to not wake him up? You're 28... 'and I never will.' Childish on a level I can't begin to understand. 2) Why doesn't he have an alarm? He's 30 and can't figure out he needs to set his alarm for a very important first day?

3) He blamed you for being late. It's his fault, but I would be mad if my husband saw I was oversleeping and didn't bother to wake me.. 4) It was 8:15 and you CLEARLY knew he was going to be late--yet, chose not to do anything 5) You think you did nothing wrong. Most people would feel some sort of guilt. 'Should I have broken (that childish and insane) contract?' Nope. Let him lose his job, what does it matter to you?

IUMogg - ESH. You both sound immature and unsupportive of each other. He is blaming you for him being unable to wake up. You are gloating about him being late. It sounds like so much pettiness

ADVERTISEMENT

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they ring true? Is she a hero for holding firm, or did both hit snooze on maturity? Grab a coffee and spill your take!

And there’s the wake-up call—or lack of one! Our Reddit user stuck to a quirky pact, leaving her boyfriend to snooze through his big job debut, sparking shouts and blame. Experts nudge toward teamwork over rigid rules, while Reddit mostly cheers her stand, though some see double fault. Love’s a wild ride—alarms fail, tempers flare, and pacts get messy. What would you do if your partner slept past a crucial day? Drop your thoughts, stories, or sage advice below—let’s jolt this drama awake!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *