AITA for not visiting my father and his new-born sons?

Jonathan Hours
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Picture a 16-year-old boy, caught in the whirlwind of his dad’s new life—new husband, new twins, new priorities. After his parents’ amicable divorce when his dad came out as gay, their weekend hangouts were a cherished routine. But the arrival of twin boys via surrogacy, coupled with a missed birthday and a stepdad who seems to wish he’d vanish, has left this teen feeling like an outsider in his own family, unsure if he wants to meet his new siblings.

The tension is palpable, with family calling him a “spoiled brat” for skipping the visit, while Reddit rallies to unpack the emotional layers. Is he wrong to stay away, or is he justified in protecting his heart? As the scent of newborn baby powder mixes with family friction, let’s dive into this story of love, loyalty, and the struggle to find one’s place.

‘AITA for not visiting my father and his new-born sons?’

When a teen feels pushed out by his dad’s new family, the hurt runs deep. Here’s the original Reddit post that’s got everyone talking:

When I (16M) was 13 my dad (38M) came out as gay, and my mom and dad divorced (amicably) My dad swears there was no cheating involved but I think he did, in fact, cheat, because he moved in with his dude a month later. My dad had me on weekends, and it was nice, he is a great dad and I enjoyed it, his then-boyfriend was indifferent and didn’t really care about and I suspect he didn’t want me there.

They got married a year after the divorce and immediately started talking about having kids together. In the past 5 months my dad and I have barely seen each other because he was too busy with the surrogacy process, they both had to travel to Canada a lot to get everything done.

And my dad even missed my birthday because he had to check on the surrogate; when I complained about he missing my birthday, he argued that he and his husband have spent thousands of dollars on this and needed to check to have everything right so I let it go.

They welcomed twin boys three weeks ago and arrived from Canada five days ago, everyone in our family is over the moon and has gone to see the babies but, my dad has texted me to see if I’ll see them, he even came here to take me during his custodial time but I told him that I didn’t want to go, so we just hung out to have some father-son time, he didn’t say it but he was seemingly sad that I didn’t want to go.

I have nothing against the boys but I know his husband doesn’t like me and doesn’t want me there, and my dad also hurt me by missing my birthday and just giving me a phone call at night. Now everyone calls me TA and a spoilt brat because my dad refuses to take the first (Professional) pictures without me there.

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But I don’t know, it sucks seeing my dad so lovey and in love with a man that doesn’t like me and makes clear by the actions that whenever I’m there he doesn’t want me, and he acts like every access I have to my dad is because he agrees.

Navigating a blended family is tricky, and for this 16-year-old, his dad’s focus on new twins and a seemingly unwelcoming husband has left him feeling like an afterthought. Missing his birthday for surrogacy travel and sensing his stepdad’s indifference, the teen’s refusal to visit the newborns is less about the babies and more about protecting his emotional space. The family’s “spoiled brat” label only deepens his sense of isolation.

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This situation mirrors broader challenges in blended families, where 40% of teens report feeling less prioritized after new siblings arrive, per a 2022 Family Relations study (Source). Family therapist Dr. John Gottman advises, “Children need consistent validation from parents, especially in transitions like remarriage or new siblings” (Source). The dad’s failure to address his son’s feelings, coupled with the husband’s coldness, risks long-term strain.

The teen could benefit from calmly sharing his hurt with his dad, perhaps saying, “I feel left out when you prioritize the twins.” The dad should make one-on-one time a priority.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s serving up a feast of empathy and advice for this teen’s family drama, with users dishing out takes hotter than a summer barbecue. Here’s what they had to say:

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PrincessWaffleTO − NTA. Have you spoken to you dad about his husband’s behaviour and about his him missing important dates is hurtful to you?

Mishy162 − NTA. You need to tell your father that you don't feel welcome in his house because of his husbands actions and the impression that he gives you that he doesn't like you and doesn't want you there.

Snoo_7492 − NTA. That's a lot to work through, and your dad should be putting some effort into your relationship as well as his new twins. Yes it's exhausting and He probably doesn't have much time right now. But during the sirrogacy he didn't need to keep blowing you off. ( I also hate to say it, but in a way him remarking on the cost of bringing tje twins into life kind of seems not appropriate.

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Like yeah I'm sure it was expensive but - certainly I hope that wasn't his primary concern, how much he had spent on them?) You aren't bad to feel the way you do but It wouldn't hurt you to go ahead and visit the siblings and try try to connect with them.

You also need to talk to your dad about how you feel about his husband. You may be misinterpreting things and you may be completely correct. But you can't just ignore it, it needs to be addressed. Good luck to you I hope you're able to meet and enjoy your half siblings.

Ok_Intention_3262 − NTA- You and your father need to have a conversation about your relationship on how you feel abandoned/ push aside because if your father and his husband are capable of jumping through hurdles for the surrogacy process to go through.

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And start a new family of their own, then they are capable to create time for you too. I dont think your a spoiled brat, and you shouldn't let the rest of family guilt trip you for not wanting to be a part of photo shoot.

Sks44 − NTA. If. Have you talked to your Dad about the husband not liking you and making you feel unwelcome? That and the skipping of the birthday are enough to make a person feel unwanted. Did your dad do anything to make up for missing your birthday?

The people saying you are the a**hole are expecting a 16 year old whose had some curveballs thrown his way the last few years to act like an adult. The one thing I’d tell ya is the babies didn’t ever make you feel unwelcome or s**tty. They are your siblings and innocent so don’t hold it against them.

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Kebar8 − NTA, but you need to talk to your dad. You need to talk to your dad. If you don't feel comfortable talking you can send him this post, or send a letter or text. But avoiding this doesn't work. As it stands nothing will improve for the better, we would all like our parents to be mind readers and understand where they have screwed up, but we are all human and severely flawed.

Talk to your dad, worst case scenario he hears what you have to say and things stay the same. Or this could be what you need to get your relationship back on track.. Good luck op

[Reddit User] − NTA There is a lot going on here so I'm going to break down my thoughts as much as possible. I'm so sorry for the long post! You are 16 which is a super rough age to be. You're still a kid but chances are people (like your aunts, uncles, grandparents) are going to expect you to act 'grown up' and just 'be the bigger person'.

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Please ignore those people. You're a kid/teenager who wants his dad which is perfectly normal. Plus, your dad's partner doesn't make you feel welcome and this will probably be much worse with their children in the picture as it doesn't sound like he's welcomed you as part of his family and has just pushed to create his own with your dad; excluding you.

Plus, your dad has created a new family and made them his priority and the time(s) you have tried to speak to him about not making you a priority, you Firstly, your relationship with your dad. From what you've said it sounds like your dad's primary concern is his new children, his partner (who I'm sorry to say, he most definitely cheated on your mother with based on timing)

And not you which sucks for you. Your dad's priority is not you and it doesn't seem like it's been you for a while. Blended families (step, half, etc.) can work well if everyone is 1) on board in the first place and 2) everyone's feelings are respected and acknowledged. In this case, your dad has put effort into neither option which means he's put no effort into making you a part of his new family.

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The thing with the pictures, refusing to take them without you, puts me in that mindset as well. On the one hand, maybe he just wants all of his family to be together - normal behaviour. On the other hand, it could be pressuring you to comply and just get along with the new family without making an effort to actually blend you which I think may be the case.

Your dad's relationship with the new partner definitely needs to be addressed. INFO: Have you ever told your dad you feel this way about his partner? My advice: Talk to your dad about all of this: his choice in a man/partner who treats you badly (maybe not abusive but clearly makes you feel like you feel unwanted and unwelcome).

Feeling pushed out and less of a priority (use the birthday as an example, maybe you have a few more). Also how you're feeling pressured by family members to comply. If your dad reacts well (accepts what you're saying and speaks to his partner, tries to make more effort with you, acknowledges he's lied to you about the cheating etc.)

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It could get a little ugly i.e. the partner causing drama by claiming they've never made you feel that way etc. However, this may start a new page with him and you! If your dad doesn't take it well, unfortunately, like I suspect he might not, you may need to make a few big decisions like going low contact (reduced visitation, fewer phone calls, only making contact when you want to.

This way, you don't have to deal with feeling not like a priority because he won't be one to you either. I know it sucks but how is your relationship with your mum? How about your friends at home? Spend time with the people who love you and make you feel welcome.

Do things that bring you joy. Find your own family because family doesn't end with blood. This is such a hard thing to be going through and I hope you have support at home/in your life! Good luck! Live long and prosper.

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lacyreif − Having emotions doesn't make you an AH and most people never learn to understand their emotions. Please don't take out your anger on the babies and your dad without first explaining how you feel about him missing your birthday and how his partner doesn't seem to like you. You will probably grow to regret it if you don't get it off your chest.

MuskyLion − INFO: Who's calling you a spoiled brat?

EbbWilling7785 − NTA but best to give your Dad a succinct explanation of why, ie, his husband blatantly doesn’t want you around.

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These are the heartfelt opinions from Reddit, but do they capture the full flavor of this family saga, or is there more to stir into the mix?

This teen’s story is a poignant reminder that family changes can leave deep marks, especially when new bonds seem to overshadow old ones. His dad’s focus on the twins and his husband’s chilly vibe have left the teen feeling like a guest in his own family. A heart-to-heart might bridge the gap, but for now, he’s guarding his heart. Have you ever felt pushed out by family changes? What would you do in this teen’s shoes?

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