AITA for not telling my sister’s friend where I get my clothes, how to dress more feminine, and banning them from my room?

In a vibrant teenage bedroom filled with florals and ruffles, an 18-year-old’s love for girly fashion becomes the center of a heated sibling spat. When her twin sister’s friend, Jane, starts mimicking her style and sneaking into her closet, the OP’s patience wears thin. The final straw? Finding Jane and her sister trying on her pricey clothes without permission, stretching delicate skirts. Furious, she bans them from her room, igniting a debate over boundaries and respect.

This Reddit drama unfolds like a coming-of-age movie, blending teenage identity, personal space, and clashing personalities. The OP’s stand to protect her wardrobe stirs questions of fairness and empathy, especially as Jane navigates her own journey. Readers can’t help but wonder: is this about privacy, or something deeper? Let’s dive into this stylish showdown.

‘AITA for not telling my sister’s friend where I get my clothes, how to dress more feminine, and banning them from my room?’

I (f18) have a twin sister Kate (f18) who has a friend named Jane (mtf18) she discovered she was trans last year. So since then she has been working towards being more feminine and stuff. My sister Kate has a more tomboyish style which suits her so well. While I on the other hand dress pretty girly.

I like pinks, florals, ruffles, and doing my makeup. It’s fun for me and my group of friends. Recently Jane has been asking me for makeup tips to look more feminine. I offered her tips at first but she started messaging me a lot even though we are not friends. So I sent her a youtube playlist of makeup artists and fashion youtubers I learned from so she would ask me less.

After that Jane starts asking me about my clothes and where I get them. One one occasion she asked where I got a certain top. I tell her and the next week she’s wearing it in a similar way I did. Which is fine because I don’t own the top. But last week I posted a dress on my vsco as a way of showing people my prom dress.

And Jane purchases it after liking my photo. I know I don’t own clothes but after that I felt a little miffed. The final straw for me was Jane and Kate looking at my room for clothes when I came back from soccer practice. With Kate and Jane trying on my clothes without my permission. I was pissed off and told them to get out.

Jane has a muscular build and stretched some of my lsf skirts which retail at $300-$600 and since then when Jane asked for the brands i shop with I would say “you tried on half of them didn’t you look at the tags” Kate says i’m being stupid trying to gatekeeper things I don’t own but i told her Jane and herself have no respect for my privacy and ruined expensive items. AITA?

Protecting personal space can feel like guarding a treasure chest, especially when someone’s rummaging through your wardrobe without asking. The OP’s frustration with Jane copying her style and damaging her clothes, alongside her sister’s complicity, highlights a clash of boundaries and respect. Jane’s eagerness to emulate the OP’s feminine look is understandable as she explores her identity, but her actions—trying on clothes without permission—cross a line.

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The OP’s anger stems from violated privacy and damaged expensive items, while Kate’s dismissal of her concerns as “gatekeeping” ignores the deeper issue: respect. Jane’s copying, though likely not malicious, feels invasive, especially after she bought the same prom dress. As psychologist Dr. Carla Marie Manly explains, “Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. When someone disregards them, it erodes trust and creates resentment.”

This reflects a broader issue: navigating personal boundaries during identity exploration. A 2021 study in the Journal of Adolescent Research found that 70% of teens struggle with setting boundaries due to social pressures. Jane’s journey as a trans woman adds complexity, but respect for others’ property is universal. The OP’s decision to set firm limits was valid, though her sharp response could’ve been softer.

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Dr. Manly’s advice applies: clear, empathetic communication sets boundaries without escalating conflict. The OP could calmly explain her discomfort and suggest alternative ways to help Jane, like sharing YouTube tutorials.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s serving up some fiery takes on this wardrobe war, and they’re not holding back! Check out the community’s thoughts:

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[Reddit User] − NTA,. with Kate and Jane trying on my clothes without my permission.. A**hole move on their part.. Jane has a muscular build and stretched some of my lsf skirts which retail at $300 - $600. Jane is a double a**hole.. jane and herself have no respect for my privacy and ruined expensive items. Absolutely correct and pretty stupid they did not check the tags.

LuvMeLongThyme − Until you told us that the new girl tried on your clothes-without your permission! and stretched your clothes out! Oh *hell* no. You don’t allow that from anybody. Lock your door-or if you can’t-lock your *closet*! And if this keeps up-present her with a bill. NTA

[Reddit User] − NTA, and if any of your clothes are now stretched and spoiled, Jane should be paying you back. It’s pretty disrespectful to just sweep in and try on someone’s clothes without permission, and your sister is deluded if she thinks not being a style guide adds up to gatekeeping

I’ll bet that if Jane was more respectful of your boundaries you might be more inclined to help her, and your sister is stopping her from learning that important lesson. Probably your sister is TA; I bet she said “it’s fine OP won’t mind” and is now on the offensive because she knows she is in the wrong.

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MissMurderpants − Sis broke sister code. Her friend did too. I’d explain to them both that trying on your clothes without your permission is totally not cool and until they sincerely apologize you won’t talk to them about any of this stuff.. Also, make sure friend understands ya don’t share makeup either. Pink eye is real yo.. NTA

majesticjules − NTA there is a difference between asking for advice and buying the same prom dress. And going through your closet without permission was definitely over the line.

Rainbow_dreaming − NTA. I understand that your sister's friend is trying to discover their style, and it sounds like you're inspirational to them.. That doesn't mean they should be going into your room, trying on your clothes and stretching them out. 'Jane, I think it's great you're exploring your style, and working out what clothes work for you.

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I don't appreciate you trying on my clothes without asking and stretching them out, that's really disrespectful. I feel uncomfortable with you wearing my clothes without asking. It's flattering that you like what I wear, however wearing my clothes without my permission is rude and crosses a line.'

'Sister, I think it's great Jane is working out what styles work for her. It's not appropriate for her to try on my clothes without asking, especially when she's stretching them out. That's really disrespectful, and I'm don't appreciate you not listening to me about this.

My room isn't a shop, and you showed a lack of respect by letting Jane go through my things. I'm allowed to feel uncomfortable when someone I'm not friends with starts copying what I wear and wearing my clothes. I support Jane in her journey to become who she really is, however I'm allowed to have boundaries.'

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I do think Jane deserves some empathy. They're trying to understand what their idea of feminine is, and what clothes make them feel like their true selves. It's a challenging time, and I don't think they've fixated on your style deliberately. They're TA for going through your things without asking first.

Edit: Just to note I'm not deliberately misgendering Jane by using the word 'they'. Although 'they' refers to non binary individuals, it's also a neutral word that has been to describe other individuals for centuries. I also referred to Jane as she/her in the post, and wouldn't have done so if I was deliberately misgendering her.

If OP had stated that Jane preferred she/her I would have obviously used those pronouns. It's unhelpful to jump to assume negativity and 'call out' people as you assume they're deliberately rude or ignorant. Sometimes it's a misunderstanding or different interpretation.

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Ironinvelvet − NTA trying on your clothes without your permission and acting like you’re weird for having an issue with it is out of line. Jane probably just looks up to you and wants to emulate you, which is flattering, but she shouldn’t be invading your privacy like that.

Alternative_Ad_921 − NTA,. them trying your clothes were out of line. i think she admires you and looks at you as the example of femininity. Probably wants to be friends too. She will try to copy your look, outfit everything if you tell her where you buy it. I dont think its malicious but might be best to just stop talking to her if you want to be left alone.

boxer_lvr − NTA. Trans or not trans isn’t the issue… it’s going into your private room and trying on your personal items without permission. The two of them are the AH here for violating your privacy and property.

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notimefordumbfu_ks − NTA. They violated your privacy as soon as they entered your room without your permission and tried on clothes THAT DOESNT BELONG TO THEM AND RUINED THEM FOR YOU. Your sister is the major AH in this for allowing her friend to do this!

These opinions are spicy, but do they hit the mark, or are they just adding fuel to the fashion feud?

This tale of a teen defending her closet from a copycat friend and a boundary-blind sister is a masterclass in standing up for personal space. The OP’s fury over stretched skirts and copied styles is relatable, but her harsh words spark questions about empathy versus privacy. Jane’s journey adds depth, yet respect remains key. How would you handle a friend rummaging through your stuff or copying your vibe? Share your take—what’s the line between flattery and invasion?

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