AITA for not telling my sister that my baby’s “name” was always just a joke?

A new baby brought joy and a playful prank to one family’s doorstep—until it backfired spectacularly. The proud parents, known for tossing out wild fake names like “Grenadine” to dodge family meddling, planned to name their daughter something classic, like “Susan.” But when the joke unraveled, it hit a nerve with the father’s sister, who’d secretly claimed “Grenadine” as her own.

Freshly out as transgender, the sister had woven the quirky name into her new identity, only to feel mocked when the truth came out. Her hurt turned a lighthearted gag into a family fissure. This Reddit tale, shared by a baffled new dad, unravels the tangle of good intentions, hidden choices, and the delicate dance of respecting identity in a close-knit clan.

‘AITA for not telling my sister that my baby’s “name” was always just a joke?’

My wife has recently given birth to my first child, but it is her fourth. With her first pregnancy her family were very critical of the baby names she liked so she just started giving her children ridiculous fake names, defending them furiously, and then (to everyone's relief) changing her mind last minute and naming them something normal.

I thought this was hilarious and thus we named our baby girl, Grenadine. The joke fell kind of flat though. My parents were too polite to say anything and my wife's family had already caught on and took no notice. We kept using the name as an inside joke regardless because it had grown on us.

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Not long after we revealed the baby's s** and 'name', my brother revealed that they were MTF and would be transitioning soon. This wasn't massively surprising to anyone so she didn't really get much of a reaction beyond a polite 'good for you' from all of us to be honest.

Skip forward to now, my wife is out of hospital and we've brought 'Susan' (fake name for privacy but think something similar) home and my family came to visit that week. My parents were visibly relieved and gushed over the new baby and her 'new' name. My sister on the other hand pulled me aside and asked why we changed it.

I explained the whole joke and that it was never a sincere choice and she got very agitated. Apparently she had adopted the name for herself. I asked her why she would even do that and she told us she just felt a connection to the name when she heard us say it. I told her I didn't understand the issue, she hadn't legally changed it and she hadn't even introduced herself as such to us yet either.

She said that she had started using the name with her friends and in her daily life outside the family, and now it felt as if we were laughing about it behind her back the entire time. I went to rejoin the rest of my family because I'm just baffled at this point and thought my sister can pout for a while but she'll get over it.

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She hasn't yet, and is refusing to speak to me or acknowledge the baby when I bring her over (my sister still lives with our parents).. AITA?. EDIT: Because a few people are confused, my sister has been using 'Grenadine' / the fake name, not Susan.

A playful name like “Grenadine” was meant to spark laughs, not wounds. The father’s prank, rooted in his wife’s tradition, wasn’t meant to harm, but his sister’s adoption of the name for her transgender identity added a layer of complexity. Her hurt—feeling mocked—stems from a lack of communication, not intent, yet the emotional stakes are high.

Names are deeply tied to identity, especially during gender transitions. A 2020 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that chosen names significantly boost self-esteem for transgender individuals (source). The sister’s choice of “Grenadine,” though unusual, was a personal anchor, making the joke’s reveal feel like a betrayal.

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Transgender advocate Dr. Johanna Olson-Kennedy notes, “Names are a cornerstone of identity; their validation matters immensely” (source). Here, the father’s unawareness of his sister’s choice wasn’t malicious, but his dismissal of her reaction missed a chance for empathy. A gentle apology could have bridged the gap.

To mend this, the father might affirm his sister’s right to the name, clarifying the joke wasn’t about her. Open dialogue about her transition could rebuild trust. This story reminds us that humor, however well-meant, needs sensitivity when identities are at play.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit dished out a mix of head-scratching and sharp takes, with a side of concern. Here’s what the crowd had to say:

Many_Specific_2607 - I think your sister needs to talk to a therapist about boundaries, identity, and her self-esteem.

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over-it2989 - NTA. You can’t laugh behind someone’s back when you’re not privy to the information they’re mad about. Your sister needs a little outside help. What would she have done if you HAD kept the name? She needs to find who *she* is.

MadamTruffle - She “took” what she thought was the baby’s name (Grenadine) as her own and is now mad that she and the baby don’t have the same name? That’s a new one and it’s weird af. I don’t know how she can justify being upset about it? Whats her reasoning? If she liked the name, fine, it’s weird, and she can still have it but why is she so upset about no longer sharing the name w her baby niece?

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Fragrant-Hyena9522 - It doesn't sound healthy that your sister chose the name that was slated for your daughter. I understand you weren't really going to use it, the fact that an adult was taking the name of a child in their family is disturbing.

l3ex_G - Sorry your sister “stole” the name you had for your child and then was upset you weren’t using it? Nta. She needs help because she’s created drama over nothing.

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Far_Country_3852 - So she is mad she couldn't steal a kid's name

Future_Direction5174 - Honestly, your MTF sister sounds weird. If I had a sister called Grenadine, I would cross the name off of my “possible” list anyway. If I had a daughter, and my sister then told me she was changing HER name to be the same as that of my daughter, her niece, I would be very upset..

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Just as well Grenadine was a joke, that means it’s now up for grabs. Oh our fake name was Humphrey - learning the gender was unusual back in the 80’s. My nephew and his wife used LC, being their initials - it stuck and little Elsie is now 10…

InviteAdditional8463 - Sounds like sister needs all the attention all the time.

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Nem-x13 - I had a coworker that did something similar. When they told everyone they were pregnant they mentioned the name they wanted (real name) a month later their sister had a baby and used their name. So they came up with another name and told everyone (real name). Three months later their brother gets a puppy and uses the name. So after that they told everyone the new name they chose was Ragina (fake name) just hoping someone used it.

tokoloshe62 - Tbh, this sounds like your sister wanted to create drama by stealing the baby’s name. Or like someone else mentioned, it shows a troubling need for someone else to pin her identity to. Either way,

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I agree with others that this is probably something your sister needs to work out in therapy. But unless you really want to get into the weeds with her about it, do what others have said and just say that the name was a decoy but now it’s fully up-for-grabs so there is no issue.

These spicy opinions dig into the drama, but do they untangle the heart of this misunderstanding? Reddit’s leaning toward therapy and clarity.

This baby name blunder shows how a lighthearted joke can strike a deeper chord. The father’s prank, meant to dodge nosy relatives, inadvertently hurt his sister, whose new name tied to her identity. It’s a lesson in treading gently around personal choices. How do you balance family humor with respect for someone’s journey? What would you do in this dad’s shoes? Drop your thoughts below!

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