AITA for not telling my roommate about my large salary, when I’m aware he’s been struggling to pay rent?

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In a snug two-bedroom apartment, four roommates split rent like old grad school pals, until a quiet emergency physician’s secret salary unraveled their peace. She traded residency for a hefty paycheck but kept it hushed, content with their equal shares.

Then, a car crash landed a struggling roommate in her ER, exposing her wealth and igniting a fiery clash. Was she wrong to stay silent? This Reddit AITA tale, laced with humor, probes privacy and loyalty in shared spaces, blending expert insights and Reddit’s zesty takes to unpack the drama.

‘AITA for not telling my roommate about my large salary, when I’m aware he’s been struggling to pay rent?’

I (28f) live in a 2-bedroom apartment with three roommates. It’s small and we step on each other's toes sometimes, but it works for us because we were all in graduate programs when we met and needed something cheap. For the last six years, we’ve all split rent evenly, and I’ve been fine with that. Even when they all got jobs and I was still a resident, I didn’t once ask to adjust the rent.

Now, to be honest, I’m a very quiet and non-confrontational person and residency kept me on weird hours so I didn’t speak to them a lot and they didn’t even realize that I’d finished my program when I did. I also live on the second floor of our apartment in a space off the attic storage that was meant to be an office, so I keep to myself and go about my business.

Once I became a licensed emergency physician, I was able to find a job in our city relatively quickly and started working about four months out of residency. I’d already worked as an EMT for years around this hospital, even in college when I was getting clinical hours for med school, so I knew the ED well and it wasn’t hard for me to get a job there.

I still had loans from med school to pay off so I saw no problem with hanging around and paying my same share of the rent, utilities, and groceries that I’d paid for six years until I built up savings, even though I was making more than my other three roommates combined. I'm not in a relationship, don't want kids now, and I liked my little living arrangements while I got some savings behind me.

I was fine until crap hit the fan yesterday, and by some insane stroke of bad luck, one of my roommates A, (27m) was in a car crash and was transported to the hospital by ambulance when I was on shift. He was fine, just a bit of whiplash and a stitched-up cut from broken glass, but while he was in the ED he saw me and realized I wasn’t a resident anymore.

Even though he couldn’t pin down my exact salary, a quick Google search could tell him that in our city I was making at least double what my roommates were. He was pissed and he told my other two roommates while I was still at work, so when I came home, they were all waiting for me. He confronted me and asked me what I was making, and I told them the truth.

They all lost their minds at me because I knew that A had been struggling to make his share of the rent every month, whereas I was “hoarding my money”. I listened to what they had to say but said that I still had loans to pay off and I was going to bed. I was tired after a long shift, and I’m aware that I was probably really blunt and cold because when I’m getting yelled at, part of my job description is just to take it with a calm face.

This morning, they’ve all been giving me the cold shoulder, and though they haven’t talked about it yet, I can feel it coming. I don’t know how to address this because I really liked our living arrangements and don’t want it to change, but I can’t help feeling like I’m the AH for not helping A out more. So, AITA?

UPDATE: Thank you all for your advice and well wishes, I wanted to come on here and answer a few common questions and update those who requested one. First, our living situation. Our apartment has 2 bedrooms, one “master” with its own bathroom and one smaller bedroom. A and his gf live in the master, and our fourth roommate is in the smaller room.

My room is about the same size as the smaller bedroom, just without a closet, and with a slanted ceiling. Second, why did I tell them the truth about my salary? Honestly, I was tired after a shift and I wasn’t expecting to get ambushed in my own home so I wasn’t thinking about it.

A started throwing out numbers at me and he was close enough that I just said yes without giving him an exact total because he already basically knew. Why did he Google it when he saw me? I don’t know, he probably had nothing else to do. He wasn’t a high-priority patient and was likely sitting in triage for long enough to get bored and pissed.

Now, here are the actual updates: I talked to our fourth roommate (D) (not A or his gf) and he gave me their perspective in a much more polite way. A had come back, angry because his car had been wrecked, he had a hospital bill to pay, and because he thought I’d been deceptive with my income.

He got his girlfriend all riled up about it before I got home because she’d been supplementing his rent and helping him while he was between jobs (I didn’t know about this) while I had just been paying my portion and not helping when I could.

Then the two of them went to D and brought him into this so it would be a three on one and they felt justified about asking me. They thought since I didn’t help out around the household much AND because I was making more, I should either pay more or move out and give my room to one of their friends who needed cheap housing more than I did.

I admit, I buy my own food and cook my own meals and keep my own space clean whereas I think the rest of them do that communally, but that was because I kept terrible hours with residency and with my job and I wasn’t around as much.

As for someone who “needed it more” I told D that this apartment had never been need-based, it had been passed down from student to student as people CHOSE to move away. D is younger, (24/25) and still in grad school, as is A’s girlfriend, but A graduated already and still lives here with a job and no one has argued that someone “needed it more”.

He asked why I didn’t want to move away and get my own place, and I said I really liked the arrangement and I wanted to pay off my loans, which were still very large and my net worth was likely less than all of them with the amount of debt I’d accumulated.

When I explained my student loans to D, he got very quiet and just said that he didn’t realize that they were still big and thought they were smaller because I had a scholarship. I explained that my athletic eligibility only lasted for my first year because I had redshirted my freshman year of uni, so my athletic scholarship was only for that year.

Now that I know their perspective though, I know nothing is going to change their attitude towards my money and it’s time to move on. This morning I told them that I’m staying until the end of my lease and then moving out and they are more than welcome to move someone else into my room. They wished me well, and I’m hoping that my last few months here won’t be too tense since we all know there’s an end in sight.

I started looking at studio apartments, but I’m also looking at the possibility of putting a down payment on a house and starting to settle down. In all honesty, it was probably time for me to get out of my comfort zone and start living on my own, and this is going to be good for me.  Thank you all for your kind words and advice!

This roommate saga isn’t just about rent—it’s about financial secrecy’s fallout. The physician’s silence on her salary was practical, given her student loans and equal rent payments. Her roommate’s discovery, fueled by his financial struggles, sparked betrayal, as if her wealth owed him relief. It’s a clash of expectations, where personal woes breed demands on others’ wallets.

Dr. Brad Klontz, a financial psychologist, says, “Money secrecy often stems from fear of judgment or exploitation, but it can erode trust in close-knit groups” (source: CNBC Money). The roommate’s anger assumes her income should ease his burden, ignoring her debts. Studies show 45% of cohabitants face disputes over unequal finances, often due to poor communication (source: Apartment Therapy). His entitlement—expecting her to subsidize him—sidesteps equal responsibility.

The broader issue: money taboos in shared living spark chaos. Her silence wasn’t deceit but a shield against exploitation. Satirically, should she fund their groceries too? Her calm response shows grit, but she could clarify, “My loans keep me strapped, so I stick to our equal split.” This opens dialogue without yielding.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s crew unleashed sharp wit and bold takes on this salary drama. Here’s a glimpse of their chuckle-worthy reactions, slicing through entitlement with gusto.

throw05282021 − Clearly, you are NTA. You didn't ask for help when you were still a resident and they were making more. None of them offered to cover part of your rent. You don't owe your roommate any money. You shouldn't be expected to subsidize the lifestyle of anyone you are neither related to nor in a romantic relationship with.

That said, now that your roommates know you make a lot more than they do, things will never go back to being the way that they used to be. That season of your life is over. And you need to decide how you prefer to deal with the new reality.

My suggestion, if your roommates seriously expect you to pay more rent than they do, is to move out as soon as you can, because their requests will get increasingly more unreasonable until you do leave.

Anyone who thinks you should pay part of your roommate's share of the rent but who never offered to do that themselves is an AH. They want to spend your paychecks but not their own. They are not arguing in good faith when they try to spend your paychecks without being willing to spend their own in the same way.

Leahthevagabond − NTA your income has nothing to do with your split of the house. You SHOULD be splitting it evenly between the roommates. They have no right to your income in anyway. If one of them is struggling, that’s on them. They are roommates, not partners. If they throw a big stink, look for your own place.

moncyka − Maybe it’s time to move out, they will be very happy when they find out they can pay your rent now. Definitly NTA

NixKlappt-Reddit − NTA. You are roommates and not a married couple. They should be happy that you always pay your part of the rent instead of worrying about it too.. Maybe it's time to look for some new roommates.

Individual-Foxlike − NTA. There is nothing in a tenant agreement that says you have to update them when you get a new job. You were pulling your weight and did nothing wrong.. It's pretty s**tty and entitled for them to say you're

forgetregret1day − Wait, what? These very dim people (no offense, but did they think you’d be a resident for 20 years) find out you make the money you deserve, they all of a sudden decide your money is theirs too even though nothing about your living arrangements has changed? This makes zero sense.

It never ceases to amaze me how some people feel entitled to a friend or roommate’s hard earned money. You’re not your roommate’s mommy or daddy and your salary and savings are irrelevant. If they wanted the rewards of med school, internships and the grueling work of residency and training to become an ER doc,

they were welcome to do so but thinking they’re entitled to your money is just outrageous. I know you like where you live but if it comes down to being treated with hostility and greed, protect your sanity and find a new place. seriously shaking my head at people. NTA.

Mickleblade − Do they even know how big a med student's loan is? Your money is none of their f**king business

Worth-Bed-8289 − How much is their share of your student loans?

Otherwise_Degree_729 − NTA. It none of their businesses you should have never told them your salary. You are not family, you’re roommates, it’s not your responsibility to pay their rent. You should start looking for a new place to stay. Never tell people how much you make, it’s not their business and they won’t be happy for you most likely will try to take advantage of you.

dr_lucia − I can feel it coming.. Feel what coming? Are they going to evict you?. There are four roommates. You should be splitting rent four ways. This isn't a religious commune. NTA

These Reddit zingers shine, but do they hit the truth, or are they just keyboard crusaders? They back the physician, urging her to guard her cash and maybe her address.

This tale of a secret salary and roommate resentment shows money can sour tight setups. The physician stood firm, and Reddit’s cheers affirm her right to financial privacy. But when does silence about wealth tip into unfairness? Roommates thrive on equality, not forced handouts. What would you do if a housemate eyed your bank account? Share your hot takes below—keep it real and let’s dissect this drama!

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