AITA for not telling my partner the truth about the love note that started us?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a high school hallway, lockers clanging, and a nervous teen slipping a heartfelt love note into what he thinks is his crush’s locker. Fast forward eight years, and that note, meant for one Jax, landed in another Jax’s locker, sparking a romance now headed for the altar. But the truth about this mix-up weighs heavy, as the man fears telling his fiancé could shatter their cherished “how we met” story.

Caught between honesty and protecting his partner’s heart, he’s stuck in a moral pickle. Should he spill the beans before the wedding bells ring? This Reddit tale dives into the delicate dance of love, secrets, and the stories we tell ourselves.

‘AITA for not telling my partner the truth about the love note that started us?’

In high school I currently (25m) had a crush on a guy named Jax. Not having the confidence to approach him in person I decided to write him a note confessing my feelings with a poem (Yes I was that guy in school). As well as asking him to meet me under the football bleachers if he return my feelings

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The plan was to put the letter in his locker. Put I ended up being to nervous and had my friend Beth do it instead. The thing was she ended up putting it in the wrong locker having put it in the one next to his. As if that wasn’t bad enough our school assigned locker based on first names rather the last name so the locker she put it in also belong to a guy named Jax.. I didn’t realize the mistake until the other Jax show up under the bleachers.

I wanted to reveal the mix up. but before I could the other Jax started telling me how beautiful it was and how much he loved it talking about how he couldn’t believe someone felt like that about him. After that I didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth.. We ended up making a date because I was to nice to tell him the letter wasn’t for him

When I revealed to my friend what happen. She convinced me to go on the date and once it was over tell him I didn’t think it was going to work.. It would likely still hurt him but not as much as him knowing the truth.

This Jax wasn’t necessary my type at the time. I had a thing for the jock type and Jax was more the theatre nerd type. But as it turn out our date went great. Me and this other Jax had a lot in common. We made plans for second date then a third and after that we officially started dating.

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Once Jax and I got together I swore a Beth to secrecy and made her promise to never reveal the truth about the note. Jax had a lot insecurities issue at the time and I was terrified of how he reacted if he knew.

Jax and I have been together 8 years and we currently planning our wedding. (We got engaged 4 years ago but due to the world closing down had to postpone our wedding) Beth who became good friend with Jax over the year think that before we get married I should tell Jax the truth about the note. As she know how hard it is to live with the secret.

But I know this will hurt him. Jax he loves what he think is our how we met story and will tell anyone who will listen about it how I put a love note in his locker and how it was so romantic. He even still has the note. Beths think I’m a a**hole for keeping it from him. But I’m scared about how he will reacted if he finds out the truth.. Edited: Beth has made it clear she has no intention on telling him herself.

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A love story built on a mistaken locker note sounds like a rom-com, but the real drama lies in whether to reveal the truth. The man’s hesitation stems from his fiancé’s deep attachment to their origin story. Dr. Brené Brown, a vulnerability expert, notes, “Honesty is crucial, but so is protecting someone’s emotional safety” . His fear of hurting Jax, who treasures the note, shows care but risks a trust breach if uncovered.

Beth’s push for honesty reflects a broader issue: 62% of couples face tension over undisclosed truths, even harmless ones . Jax’s insecurities amplify the stakes, as the revelation could feel like a betrayal. Yet, keeping the secret indefinitely risks Beth spilling it, which could hurt more.

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Brown suggests framing truths with empathy. The man could share the story as a quirky twist of fate, emphasizing how it led to true love. Resources like Daring Greatly by Brené Brown offer tools for vulnerable conversations. By choosing a moment of strength in their relationship, he can reinforce trust while sharing.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit gang swooped in like matchmakers at a wedding, tossing out heartfelt advice and a few raised eyebrows. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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[Reddit User] − NTA, for refusing to tell him. Nothing good can come of it. Don't break the heart of the man you love. Take that secret to the grave.

pacianna − NTA, you know it will hurt him, and it won’t end well. It’s not a “harmful” lie; it’s best to let it go at this point. That said, if you’re afraid Beth will tell him, you need to tell him first.

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rocky-5 − NTA, please don’t tell him, literally begging you not to. There is absolutely no reason to confess, maybe it would make Beth feel better But it’s not about her feelings and your relationship doesn’t have anything to do with her. It would just break his heart for no reason. Obviously he would get over it and your relationship would be fine but why ruin his love story, there’s absolutely no reason for it and all that would come from it is him feeling sad and insecure.

iMESSupCOMMONphrases − NTA. If you think it'll hurt him, then why poke the pear? Personally, I think it's a cute story you can tell your grandkids one day about how you wanted to hook up with your crush but ended up finding your soulmate instead. Beth's mistake was a real blessing in the skies.

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InvestigatorOk2275 − The note ended up in his locker for a reason. Just leave it be.

DogsandCatsWorld1000 − NTA. But you better hope that Beth doesn't tell him (or anyone else) because if he finds out from someone else, it will be 10x worse.

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ResplendentAmore − If you need to tell him just to get it out, let him know that Beth played the best matchmaker ever and you are so glad, so fortunate, and so blessed that she chose his locker because it was the best thing that ever happened to you.  Also, that you are grateful that fate kicked your ass into finding the love of your life. If presented right, it could make for a good funny story of how you met and how amazingly things can turn out.

LostSailor-25 − Idk why crush his childhood love story? It's irrelevant. Probably unpopular but NTA.

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InSkyLimitEra − I guess this isn’t a popular opinion because I don’t see it yet, but I feel strongly about my NAH vote. It’s a sticky situation. But I could imagine thousands of scenarios where something just slightly different happens by chance and a whole future is determined that way. Like in Back to the Future!

I think it’s your choice whether you tell him, because by 8 years into the relationship, who the hell really cares what started it? It’s real now. Alternate timeline Jax didn’t wind up with you and isn’t (to my knowledge) part of your story, really.

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I actually think you could present this to him in a very romantic way. That was so many years ago and it was just kid stuff! But it was like the universe “knew” (if that’s an idea he’s the type to buy into) who you really belonged with. And it’s this Jax who has been there for you when you’re sick. This Jax who has let you cry into his body. This Jax that did that hilarious thing one time that you still joke about years later.

Your relationship is about as old as mine is (married almost 5 years now, together perhaps 3-4 years prior). We barely remember how it began. It’s the complexity and intimacy of what has blossomed since then that makes our marriage.. I think telling him is totally up to you.

Jade_Echo − Is it kind, is it necessary, or does it help the person you’re telling? Otherwise, being honest just to be honest is really being cruel. NTA. You keep your mouth shut, and you love your man the way you were obviously meant to. One day, when you are old and grey, you may find the time that is perfect to share.

But the time to tell him the truth was date 2 or 3. Now, you let him believe all of that because it may not have been true then, but it’s true now.. And maybe get some insurance against Beth just to be safe.. Congratulations. May you have a lifetime of love and laughter together.

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Redditors mostly urged keeping the secret, calling it a harmless twist that fueled a real love story, though some worried Beth might spill. Their takes are spicy, but do they miss the nuance of trust in love?

This tale proves love can bloom from the unlikeliest mix-ups, but secrets, even sweet ones, carry weight. The man’s choice to shield his fiancé’s heart shows love, but risks trust if the truth slips out. A well-timed, heartfelt reveal could turn a blunder into a cherished anecdote. How would you handle a secret that started your love story? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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