AITA for not telling my mum when I moved in with my dad?

In a quiet northern England town, a 21-year-old musician packs his bags, leaving behind a tangled web of family lies. After reconnecting with his long-lost father, he moves into his dad’s welcoming home, seeking a fresh start. But when his mother, a compulsive liar who uprooted his life years ago, learns of the move, she cries betrayal, leaving him to wonder: does an estranged parent deserve a heads-up?

This Reddit post unveils a young man’s quest for connection amidst a fractured family. Having fended for himself since 15, he finds solace with his father, only to face his mother’s wrath. The story, rich with themes of autonomy and healing, ignites debate about loyalty and the right to choose one’s path.

‘AITA for not telling my mum when I moved in with my dad?’

My(21M) mum(45f) is a compulsive liar. This is just well known among the family, and her husband (my stepfather) gaslights to cover for her. Not even just about big things, but about little insignificant things as well. Because of this, after I moved out at 18 we stopped really talking.

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We had never really gotten on beforehand and since she had two children with my stepdad, me and my brother(24m) and sister(27F) had to fend for ourselves. I started working as a street performer to pay my way in life from 15. So our relationship is not good.

Now, I met my actual dad for the first time two months ago, my mum had lied about him to no end and kept him out of my life until I found him. We get on like a house on fire and he still lives in the same house as he has since I was small. I love him, instant connection.

My younger sister who grew up with him is also here, and I have lots of family around as well as great opportunities for work as a musician. But here's the sticker. I wanted to move in with my dad, he offered, I was happy to come back.

My mum had moved us when I was 15 to a horrible town in northern England, ruining my GCSEs (highschool exams) since I was halfway through but my new school made me restart; and otherwise causing me problems,

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and I had been stuck there for the 6 years since.. So I arranged to move, and then I get a phone call. It's my mum, very upset and saying I've betrayed her, and that I'm choosing my dad over her and how hurt she is. I was very... polite during that phone call, just saying 'yes mum' 'no mum' etc.

My mum says she's mostly hurt because I didn't tell her I was leaving, my older sister agress with her, and my stepdad is being a simp and agreeing too. But my dad says I'm a grown man and can make my own decisions, and I never really talk to my mum anyway so I didn't think I needed to tell her.. AITA?

This tale hits like a raw chord, exposing the fallout of a parent’s deceit on a child’s trust. The young man’s choice to move without telling his mother wasn’t rebellion—it was self-preservation after years of neglect. According to Psychology Today, children of manipulative parents often face emotional neglect, with 25% reporting strained adult relationships. His mother’s lies and gaslighting stepfather created a rift that justified his silence.

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The conflict hinges on clashing expectations. The mother, backed by his sister and stepfather, sees his silence as betrayal, clinging to a sense of control. He, however, prioritizes a newfound bond with his father, who respects his autonomy. Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (Lindsay Gibson), notes, “Boundaries are essential for healing from toxic family dynamics.” His decision reflects this, reclaiming agency after years of disruption, like the move that derailed his GCSEs.

This scenario reflects broader issues of parental estrangement. A Journal of Family Issues study shows 12% of adult children estrange from a parent due to chronic deceit or neglect. The mother’s hurt may stem from guilt or fear of losing influence, but her reaction dismisses his lived experience. His sister’s alignment with her may reflect her own coping mechanism, not his fault.

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For resolution, he could maintain firm boundaries, as Gibson advises, while offering a calm explanation to his mother if safe. Therapy could help him process past neglect and build healthier family ties. Readers can reflect on balancing personal freedom with family expectations, fostering empathy for all sides while prioritizing self-care.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit posse jumped in with gusto, dishing out support and a few raised eyebrows. They rallied behind the young man, slamming his mother’s hypocrisy while pondering his sister’s stance. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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RagdollSeeker − NTA. With all due respect, your mom betrayed you when you had to fend for yourself at the age of 15. Betrayal and a crime. 🙄. She abandoned her children for the new guy in the block.

You do not owe any explanation to her.. Yes of course you can choose your dad over her, your dad is understanding your feelings. You are an adult now, OP. And adults have the ability to choose to stay with people who value them.

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You are not a child who has to go along with a parents whims anymore. You can now choose to keep your distance. Children give different responses to abuse, some of them reject the parent, others tries to please. Your sisters response is not uncommon, dont hold it against her.

LovelessBelikov − NTA. Your mom only seems to care when it doesn't go her way. Like your dad said you're an adult and didn't have to tell her.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Your mom is upset because you chose to move with someone SHE hid from you for years? That is hilarious. That being said, you’re an adult why does your mom need to know whether you move or not

lightspirate − Just because she's your mom doesn't entitle her to anything. Exactly as your dad says your grown up now and well able to make your own decisions. NTA at all it's your mother who's TA

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Theroaring2020z − You’re NTA, but I would be cautious trusting your dad... he let himself be 100% shut out of your life, and he had three kids with someone like your mom? The odds that he’s got an ulterior motive and some issues are high. Be careful.

danielkratos219 − NTA. Man your mother is a jerk. You in fact did her a favor by nto snapping and telling her how you think of her and even if you had done that, guess what? You still would not have even an a**hole. My advice would be to cut her off. Best of luck.

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TheSimplePencil − Shes your mom, but that doesnt mean she gets to control you. I agree with your Dad. NTA

[Reddit User] − My dude, big NTA. Gotta do what puts a smile on your face. Let’s say you told her prior; she would of gaslight the living heck out of you. You made the good call (intentional or not)

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MadamnedMary − NTA, your sister may be mad at you bc you left her to face your mother alone most probably.

Throwaway-2587 − NTA. She's probably just worried you'll unravel all her lies now that you're out of her reach and with someone she didn't want you around. Btw, good on you for cutting her out of your life at such a young age! That's not easy. And now you get to decide where your life goes and how you get there (perhaps with help of your dad)

These Redditors didn’t hold back, cheering the man’s independence while calling out his mother’s nerve. Some flagged caution about his father’s past absence, but most saw his move as a clean break. Do these spicy takes nail the truth, or just stir the pot?

This musician’s bold move to his dad’s house sings of freedom from a mother’s lies, but her hurt stirs family tension. Reddit backs his right to choose, yet the clash of loyalty and independence lingers. Cutting ties isn’t easy, but neither is living under manipulation. What would you do if you had to choose between a toxic past and a hopeful future?

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