AITA for not telling my coworker that I’m Muslim and accidentally “leading him on”?

A casual lunchroom chat turned into a workplace storm for a 25-year-old Muslim woman, mistaken for a European due to her blonde hair and French accent. When a coworker, Joey, learned she was Muslim, his friendly demeanor flipped to resentment, accusing her of “teasing” him by not disclosing her faith. Her polite interactions, misconstrued as flirting, sparked whispers among colleagues that she led him on.

This Reddit tale, crackling with cultural misunderstanding, pulls us into the awkward dance of workplace assumptions and personal boundaries. The woman’s story, laced with humor and frustration, highlights the sting of being judged for not fitting stereotypes. It’s a vibrant snapshot of identity and expectation, inviting readers to unpack a clash that’s as relatable as it is revealing.

‘AITA for not telling my coworker that I’m Muslim and accidentally “leading him on”?’

I (25F) am Muslim. I never hid this fact, it is something I talk about casually when mentioning holidays or my childhood growing up overseas. However if you don’t hear me say that I’m Muslim, it’s usually hard for the average American to guess as I don’t wear hijab (yet).

I’m VERY white passing. I’m a natural blond, I’m pale, I have a slight French accent (thanks colonialism), and speak French fluently. I live in the American south, and use French for my job quite often. I’ve been told my name also sounds European to Americans (it’s Arabic but I can see the confusion).

So that, plus my accent, plus my looks makes people all come to the conclusion that I’m French European. If someone asks though, or if it comes up, I’m very quick to correct them and say I’m African. Brings to me my job. I work with a guy named “Joey” (27M).

Now he works for another department (big company) , so we rarely have much interaction. The interaction we do have however is usually short and very friendly. It was honestly hard to tell if he had a crush on me or if he was just naturally nice since I didn’t know him all that well, but regardless he was a kind dude.

Now the other day I was in our lunch room, and talking to some female coworkers when Joey happened to walk by. I was telling my friends about a funny experience I once had at a bazaar as a kid, when Joey interrupts and asks if I traveled around a lot when I lived in Europe.

I giggled, since it’s common for this mistake to happen, and told him I’m actually from Africa and the bazaar in question is the one I grew up near.. His mood took a complete 180. His eyes grew wide and he was like “wait what you’re Islamic?”. I was giggling still and said, “yeah I’m Muslim, you didn’t realize?”

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He replied that if he did realize, he wouldn’t have spent so much time trying to talk to me and getting to know me. I asked what that meant and he said “Arabic girls are the biggest teases since we would never actually date a white boy” I replied that putting aside the fact I don’t date, which is true I’m quite religious

and am seeking to wear hijab soon, what made him think I owed him my affection anyways? Now some people at my job are saying that I strung him along because he didn’t know I was Muslim, and I should have been up front with him in the beginning so that “he didn’t waste his time flirting with me”. AITA?

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Workplace friendliness shouldn’t come with hidden expectations, but this woman’s experience shows how assumptions can spark conflict. Joey’s shift from charm to resentment upon learning she’s Muslim reveals his biased mindset, projecting romantic intent onto her casual kindness. His comment about “Arabic girls” being teases crosses into offensive territory, complicating their professional dynamic.

Cultural misunderstandings at work are common. A 2022 Harvard Business Review study found that 70% of employees face misjudgments based on appearance or accent, often leading to workplace tension. Joey’s assumption that the woman was European and available ignored her right to define her own identity.

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Diversity expert Ruchika Tulshyan advises, “Respecting colleagues means not assuming their beliefs or intentions based on appearance”. Here, Joey’s failure to ask about her background and his subsequent outburst highlight a lack of cultural sensitivity. The woman’s response, asserting she owes no one her affection, was spot-on.

For resolution, she could report Joey’s comment to HR to address potential harassment, while maintaining professional civility. Clear communication about her boundaries may prevent further missteps.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and outrage for this workplace drama. Here’s a peek at the community’s bold takes, as fiery as a lunchroom showdown:

islasdiary − NTA.. 1. You don’t know each other well enough to engage in personal info about your religious views.. 2. He never asked, you never told.. 3. Him assuming your ethnicity and whether you date or not is his problem, not yours.. 4. His comment about Arab girls was disrespectful.. 5. You don’t owe him anything.

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Johnny-Fakehnameh − NTA. In fact his comments could be construed as s**ual harassment since he basically just admitted in front of everyone that he was only being nice to get in your pants. Definitely go to HR and tell them what happened - this needs to get on the record.

gonnagetcancelled − NTA - 'stringing someone along' is an intentional act. You didn't go out of your way to spend time with him from what I can tell, you were simply friendly when you did run into one another. Someone else's misunderstanding is not your issue.

Jerratt24 − NTA. His comment is frankly disgusting if he was only being nice to you on the off chance that it could lead somewhere down the line. Like he can't just be nice to somebody at work for the hell of it?

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secoura − NTA. You didn't string him along. He chose to make assumptions about you to fit whatever fantasy he had in his head. You don't owe your backstory to every person that you meet.

FamousOrphan − NTA, and this is an HR issue!

0biterdicta − NTA. He's r**ist. You should consider reporting his comments to HR.

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No-Mechanic-3048 − NTA I would mention this to hr to protect yourself in case he starts spreading rumors or whatever.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Hijab or not, you do in fact not owe anybody neither your affections nor your attention. This guy is not as nice as he appeared, unfortunately.

[Reddit User] − NTA. He's a moron for thinking your being friendly is an overture.

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These Reddit reactions pack a punch, but do they overlook the workplace’s role in addressing Joey’s behavior? Is he just clueless, or crossing a line?

This story of mistaken identities and workplace flirtations lays bare the pitfalls of assuming someone’s story based on their looks. The woman’s refusal to owe anyone her affection, despite pressure to disclose her Muslim faith, sparks a question: how do you navigate others’ expectations without compromising your identity? Share your thoughts—what would you do if a coworker’s assumptions turned your friendliness into a misunderstanding?

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