AITA for not taking my niece and nephew with me on a trip to Colorado, and refusing to “change my plans” to be able to bring them?

Under Colorado’s boundless sky, a 26-year-old adventurer dreamed of scaling jagged 14,000ft peaks, each summit a step closer to completing a childhood goal. His annual escape from Ohio’s flatlands was a carefully crafted plan, blending grueling hikes, craft beers, and reunions with old friends, culminating in a solo moonlight trek up San Luis. The mountains promised freedom, a rare chance to savor life untethered from obligations.

Then came his brother’s call, demanding he bring his niece and nephew along for a kid-friendly trip. The refusal unleashed a family storm, with accusations of selfishness and calls to “settle down” echoing from Ohio. This Reddit tale captures a raw clash between personal dreams and family pressures, drawing readers into a debate about where loyalty to self ends and duty to others begins.

‘AITA for not taking my niece and nephew with me on a trip to Colorado, and refusing to “change my plans” to be able to bring them?’

I grew up in Colorado and we moved to bumfuck Ohio before I could finish climbing all of the 14,000ft peaks and try to make it back every year, or a few times a summer, so I can knock the rest off my list. I have 9 left: Ellingwood, Blanca, Little Bear, Sunlight, Eolus, Windham, Redcloud/Sunshine, and my planned finisher, San Luis.

The first 6 of these listed peaks are difficult climbs, the first 3 require a long backpacking trip in, and the second 2 do as well (and a train that may or may not run). Little Bear is considered one of the most difficult and dangerous, requiring ropes and helmets for most climbers.

My brother heard that I’m planning a trip to Colorado, and he wants me to take his kids with me. I said no, flat out. I explained which mountains I’d planned and he SHOULD have gotten the hint, but he told me that I should just switch the order I do them in and bring the kids with me on San Luis..

I’ve planned a moonlight hike for San Luis forever. I want it to be just me and the sky. My brother has been saying that I don’t spend enough time with the kids, that I make plans without considering anyone else’s feelings or wants, and that I am “stuck in adolescence and refuse to root in reality.”

The issue I guess is that he can’t give the kids a full vacation this year because he’s stuck at work, as is his wife. They don’t have another option, and are begging me to take the kids. Here’s the thing, I’m a 26 year old guy. I love my niece and nephew, but I have no interest whatsoever in changing my plans to bring kids with me on a trip.

I plan to hike, drink beer at all the new breweries, go to some baseball games with friends I haven’t seen in years, probably hook up with fit people because the options in Ohio are depressing af, etc. I don’t want to cut those plans to do a bunch of kid-friendly s**t.

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They expect me to just give up my trip and take the kids on the hiking equivalent of the bunny slopes. And I’m getting so much s**t from all my family about it, including my mom who said she agrees with my brother and that it’s time to “settle down.”

He also complained that the kids complain that they don't see me enough, which is crazy. I'm over at their house every few weeks. I haven’t told anyone yet, but while I’m back in Colorado, I’m going to look for a place to live comfortably.

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I don’t want to live in bumfuck Cincinnati Ohio for the rest of my life. This is a different issue I guess. Anyway, AITA for not taking my niece and nephew out to Colorado with me because their parents can’t do it?

This Colorado trip dispute highlights the tension between individual freedom and family expectations. The man’s refusal to take his niece and nephew on a physically grueling and adult-oriented trip reflects a valid prioritization of his personal goals. His brother’s insistence, coupled with accusations of immaturity, attempts to shift parental responsibilities onto a single, child-free individual, creating an unfair burden.

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Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting and relationship expert, notes, “Family support thrives on mutual respect, not obligation” . The brother’s expectation that the man alter his challenging hikes like the dangerous Little Bear or remote Ellingwood for kid-friendly activities ignores the trip’s purpose and the risks involved. The man’s regular visits to his niece and nephew, as mentioned, already show engagement, countering claims of neglect.

Family dynamics often strain when parents face constraints, as a 2022 Pew Research study found, with 55% of parents citing financial stress as a barrier to family vacations . The brother’s work pressures are real, but leveraging guilt to co-opt the man’s trip is manipulative. The man’s plan to explore relocating to Colorado further underscores his focus on personal growth, not family duties he didn’t choose.

To resolve this, the man could offer alternative bonding time with the kids, like a local outing, while clearly stating his trip’s unsuitability for children. For readers, this underscores the importance of setting boundaries to loved ones, ensuring personal priorities aren’t overshadowed by others’ responsibilities. Open communication can maintain family ties without sacrificing autonomy.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s community rallied behind the OP, firmly rejecting the brother’s attempt to offload parental duties. Commenters called out the manipulation in guilting a single adult into babysitting, emphasizing that the OP’s challenging hikes and personal plans shouldn’t bend to family demands, especially since he already spends time with his niece and nephew.

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The community also chuckled at the brother’s idea that “settling down” means taking on someone else’s kids. Suggestions included sending postcards or ignoring the family’s complaints, with praise for the OP’s “cool uncle” vibe. These spirited opinions highlight a shared view: personal dreams shouldn’t be derailed by others’ responsibilities.

WhoFearsDeath − NTA. I like how “settling down” apparently means “take care of someone else’s responsibilities”. I’m sure your niece and nephew say they wish they saw you more often. You are probably more fun than their own parents. That doesn’t mean you have to take them on vacation, or do anything else their parents are responsible for.. Go live your life.

BarracudaGullible − NTA, and why on earth would you take anyone's kids MOUNTAIN CLIMBING with you? You don't say how old the kids are, but based on your age I am going to assume they are far too young to go MOUNTAIN CLIMBING.

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Also, what kind of unreasonable a**hole expects a 26-year-old uncle to take a couple of little kids for a couple of weeks, out of state, anyway? This is ridiculous. Go climb things and have fun.

(Edited to add  I know the brother expects OP to change his MOUNTAIN CLIMBING vacation to something more kid friendly but I choose to ignore that, since the whole point of the trip is the MOUNTAIN CLIMBING. Clearly whatever else happens, mountains are gonna be climbed.)

[Reddit User] − NTA. You don't spend enough time *with someone else's kids*? He's gaslighting you. He's mad he settled down before you and is EXTREMELY jealous that you have the freedom to do things like this.. Your mother is agreeing with him because she's playing 'who had grandkids first' favorites.

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What he means by 'you don't consider anyone else's feelings' is 'you should babysit for me and take my kids so I can have fun more and less responsibility'.. You didn't have kids. None of this is your issue. You settle down whenever the hell you want. Not because you living your life inspires jealousy and envy in your family and they can't handle it.

Efficient-Magician61 − NTA. It’s wild that he says you’re stuck in adolescence yet he’s the f**k begging you to take and supervise HIS kids in a completely different state. Like wtf? Is he gonna foot the bill for you as well or are you expected to fork out the cash for all the BS kid s**t you’d have to do? OP, enjoy your hike and enjoy the brews! Your brother is TA here all the way.

HauntedinAutumn − NTA Not your kids. The rest of your family bitching can take those kids on vacation. Also so what if they don’t get a vacation? What first world problems!

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SatelliteBeach123 − NTA. Not sure how 'settling down' translates to you sacrificing your vacation for your niece and nephew. If your brother is so hell bent on them having a vacation, then he needs to figure it out and not rely on you. Your first response nailed it - No. Flat NO!

Kettlewise − NTA My brother has been saying that I don’t spend enough time with the kids, that I make plans without considering anyone else’s feelings or wants, and that I am “stuck in adolescence and refuse to root in reality.” No, you’re just living the life of a single adult.

You’re not the one who chose to get married, and you’re not the one who chose to have kids - you don’t have the same level of obligation to HIS family. You don’t have to take anyone else’s feelings into account. Because again, *you are single and have no kids*.. You aren’t an extension of him and his wife because you’re single.

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You shouldn’t have to give up your planned vacation because he can’t give his kids a trip. Your vacations are not his or his kids’ opportunities.. Send them postcards. He also complained that the kids complain that they don't see me enough, which is crazy. I'm over at their house every few weeks.. Oh dude. I bet you’re the cool uncle.

And I’m getting so much s**t from all my family about it, including my mom who said she agrees with my brother and that it’s time to “settle down.” There is no guarantee when/if you get married that your life will look like his; and you can’t force these things on someone else anyway.

If you settle down you settle down, if you don’t, you don’t. It IS s**tty that your family is giving you grief over this. You’re not abusing anyone. You’re not taking advantage of anyone, engaging in fraud or struggling with addictions.

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You’re taking solo vacations. Which again, YOU are single with no kids. Getting this done before you have a family (if you want one) seems pretty damn ideal.. And good luck on finding a place in Colorado!

Revolutionary-Let937 − NTA - You're not spending enough time with kids he chose to create? Did he consult you before having kids to see if you were willing to invest this time before he knocked up their mother?. Live your best life and send them pictures from the trip(s)!

vodka_philosophy − NTA. Their kids = their problem. Parents who try to push their kids off on other people who are just trying to live their own lives are selfish assholes who shouldn't have had kids in the first place. I'd tell them exactly that, too.

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stmarystmike − Oh man. Cincinnati boy here who does occasionally miss my East Tennessee roots. If I wasn’t a rock climber in the back yard of red river gorge and a beer living musician, I’d leave. But alas, Cincinnati has claimed my heart. But yeah, NTA. I have a kid. I love my kid. Light of my life and all that nonsense.

But before we had a kid, my wife and I understood our easy going vacation life would be put on hold. I don’t get date nights on a whim. I don’t get to affordably travel right now with daycare and the like. Your brother chose the family life. That’s awesome. You haven’t yet. Maybe never will. That’s awesome. Go check off those 14s

This mountain-fueled family drama underscores the delicate dance between personal goals and family expectations. The OP’s stand to protect his Colorado adventure invites reflection: how do you safeguard your dreams when family calls? Share your stories and thoughts below—have you ever had to draw a line to chase your own path?

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