AITA for not supporting my mom in old age because her insistence on being SAHM her whole life had essentially killed my dad?
Imagine a family dinner table, once filled with chatter, now shadowed by unspoken grief. For one woman, the memory of her father’s tearful breakdown over mounting bills still burns, a stark contrast to her mother’s refusal to work despite their financial ruin. As a lifelong stay-at-home mom, her mother leaned on outdated expectations, leaving her father to shoulder crippling stress that ended in a fatal heart attack. Years later, she now seeks her children’s support, but the scars of her choices linger.
The OP, the youngest of three siblings, stands firm, refusing to fund her mother’s lifestyle while her brothers pitch in. Her mother’s plea—pitying herself at the thought of “bagging groceries”—feels like a dodge, not a necessity. This raw tale of duty, resentment, and loss pulls us into a tangled web of family loyalty and personal accountability.
‘AITA for not supporting my mom in old age because her insistence on being SAHM her whole life had essentially killed my dad?’
Family dynamics can fray when roles and responsibilities clash, and this story is a gut-punch of unresolved grief. The OP’s mother, by refusing to work during financial hardship, placed an unfair burden on her father, whose stress-related death underscores the consequences. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Partnerships thrive on shared responsibility, especially in crisis” .
The mother’s entitlement—dismissing work as beneath her—reflects a rigid mindset, ignoring the family’s needs. Her comment about “giving” three kids as justification dismisses the partnership required in marriage. The OP’s refusal to contribute, while her brothers do, highlights a split in family loyalty, rooted in her perception of injustice. Her father’s isolation, worsened by limited visits to “save money,” likely deepened his depression, a factor in 40% of heart attack cases tied to mental health, per the CDC .
Dr. Gottman suggests open communication to heal family rifts. The OP’s stance, though firm, is a boundary against enabling dependency. Her mother, at 52, is capable of working—retail, clerical, or part-time roles are viable, as 25% of women over 50 re-enter the workforce, per the Bureau of Labor Statistics . The OP could encourage job training or part-time work, framing it as empowerment, not shame.
For resolution, the OP might consider a family meeting to discuss boundaries, not to shame but to clarify expectations. Individual therapy could help her process grief and resentment, ensuring her decision isn’t just reactive. Her boyfriend’s support is a lifeline—leaning on him while fostering honest talks with siblings could balance fairness and family ties.
See what others had to share with OP:
The Reddit crew dove into this family saga like it was a courtroom drama, dishing out fiery support and no-nonsense takes. It’s like a group chat where everyone’s ready to call out entitlement. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:
Redditors backed the OP’s stand, slamming her mother’s refusal to work and her classist attitude toward jobs like grocery bagging. Some saw laziness, others narcissism, but all agreed the OP owes nothing. Do these spicy takes nail the truth, or are they just fueling the fire?
This story lays bare the cost of unchecked entitlement and the weight of family duty. The OP’s refusal to fund her mother isn’t about cruelty but accountability, rooted in a loss that still stings. Reddit cheers her on, but the deeper question is how families navigate responsibility after tragedy. Have you ever faced a tough call about supporting family? What would you do in the OP’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!
