AITA for not showing up to my sister’s wedding and calling her ungrateful?

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In the shadow of a wedding’s joyous glow, a sibling bond lies fractured. A 29-year-old man, once his sister’s lifeline during her battle with depression, funded her $15,000-$20,000 treatment when no one else stepped up. Years later, when he urgently needed $600, she coldly refused, dismissing his role in her recovery by crediting only doctors and medicine.

Stung by her ingratitude, he skipped her wedding, calling her out for lacking “humanity.” As family urged him to attend, he stood firm, his absence a silent protest. Was his boycott a justified stand against betrayal, or a petty grudge overshadowing her special day? This raw tale of sacrifice and resentment pulls readers into a tangled family rift.

‘AITA for not showing up to my sister’s wedding and calling her ungrateful?’

My (29 M) sister Ashley (27 F) had her wedding yesterday, but I didn't attend it. Two years or so ago, when she was going through medical depression and required treatment, I had helped her. She didn't have the money and I was the one who paid everything for her, etc. None of her friends had helped, and neither did any of our other relatives.

Much later, when she had gotten out of her issues, I once urgently required some money. I asked her and she refused by saying she can't help and to not bother her about it again. I was shocked considering how much I had spent for her, and when she continued to refuse I asked her whether she had forgotten what I had done for her.

Ashley asked me how I can say that I cured her when it was the medicines that worked, and that I wasn't the doctor. She said it was the medicines and the doctor that treated her and not me. I didn't argue. When the wedding date was fixed I told her that I am not coming.

She was surprised and asked me why, and I told her that I have better things to do with my time than attending weddings of people like her. She got mad and asked me what my problem was, and that she wants everyone to be present. She asked me to not insult her. I told her that she herself had insulted me by brushing away every thing I did for her,

and that she's extremely ungrateful for not helping me with money when she could have. I told her I hadn't even asked her back the money I had spent on her, but she had no humanity at all. We had an argument and everyone asked me to forget about she said and to attend. But I didn't attend her wedding and I didn't even congratulate her.. AITA?

**EDIT:** I had asked her for $600 and spent around 15-20k for her treatment. I know she had the money because she'd recently got a job that was high enough and she would have been able to pay me. The wedding was being paid for our parents and the groom's. No, I didn't say that I had cured her per se. I told her that I had paid for her medications/treatment which essentially helping in curing/treating her..

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This wedding-day drama cuts like a knife—sacrifice met with cold dismissal. The OP’s decision to skip his sister’s wedding stems from her refusal to lend $600, after he funded her costly depression treatment. Her claim that doctors, not him, saved her minimizes his role, fueling his hurt.

Siblings often expect reciprocal support, especially after significant aid. As family therapist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Gratitude strengthens bonds; its absence breeds resentment.” The sister’s refusal, if she could afford it, and her dismissive words suggest entitlement, though her perspective on the $600 request remains unclear. This reflects broader family dynamics: unacknowledged sacrifices can fracture ties.

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The OP should seek a calm discussion to clarify intentions, possibly with a mediator, to heal or set boundaries. If her ingratitude persists, limited contact may protect his peace.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s takes are as fiery as a family feud at a wedding reception! Here’s what the community had to say:

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MisterSouvlaki − 'You didn't help me, the doctors and the medicine did, so I don't owe you anything.'. 'You didn't take me to work daily for a year, your car did, so I don't owe you anything.'. 'You didn't feed me, the food from the supermarket did, so I don't owe you anything.'. I would want to stay as far away as possible from a person that uses this kind of logic.. NTA

stressedpesitter − NTA. It is one thing if she had said “I can’t help you because I don’t have the money”, which would have been fair. But “forgetting” who paid for treatment is a n**ty move. That being said, I would be very clear with the rest of the family as to why you refused to go. Don’t be insulting, just state how this happened and made you feel.

Novae224 − NTA. Obviously your help for her isn’t transactional and she isn’t the a**hole for not giving you money, but she is the a**hole for brushing you off like that and not being grateful. Her not appreciating what you did for her (again, this is done by actions and not money) is a fair reason to not come to her wedding

No-Mango8923 − NTA and good for you standing your ground. Ashley asked me how I can say that I cured her when it was the medicines that worked, and that I wasn't the doctor. She said it was the medicines and the doctor that treated her and not me..

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Yeah but you paid for those medicines and medical staff to cure her.. ​. everyone asked me to forget about she said and to attend. Of course they did. It's easy to say that when it's not their money she used to cure her.. ​ **EDIT: Forgot to add - when she gets pregnant and asks you to foot her medical bills, tell her to f**k off.**

Mitoisreal − Info: what reason did she give for not giving you money?

Jo_Doc2505 − INFO Did you actually say you **cured** her?. The difference between helped and cured is huge, so I think that detail is important

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Nitehawke88 − NTA. Family helps when family can. You could help her and did. Assuming she had the funds you needed and simply chose not to help, that makes her TAH. I don't see you bringing up the help you gave her as using it as leverage but as simply saying 'I helped you because you're family, why can't you help me?' which is a fair question.

partywithkats − That's great you helped when she had no one else, OP. I do however need to know: How much of a financial burden were those bills on you? Did y'all discuss any contingent plans? How solvent was she when you asked for assistance for yourself?. Those are all extremely important details to this situation...

Potential-Caramel896 − Info: how much money did you request? How do you know she could afford that?

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Average_Iris − Ashley asked me how I can say that I cured her when it was the medicines that worked, and that I wasn't the doctor. She said it was the medicines and the doctor that treated her and not me.. INFO: did you tell her that without you she wouldn't be cured?

These opinions blaze, but do they light the path or just stoke the drama?

This wedding boycott leaves us pondering: was the OP wrong for skipping his sister’s big day and calling her ungrateful, or was his stand a fair response to her betrayal? Sibling bonds and expectations tangle like confetti in the wind. What would you do if a sibling dismissed your major sacrifice? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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