AITA for not sharing my specific diagnosis?

What happens when you open up about the daily challenges of living with a disability, only to face pushback over personal boundaries? One person volunteered to share their real-life experiences with college design students, hoping to inspire practical solutions that could make life easier.

The goal was clear: focus on how inaccessibility affects routines, interactions, and independence, without diving into medical labels. Yet, a single question about a specific diagnosis sparked discomfort and defensiveness. This situation highlights the fine line between education and intrusion, reminding us that empathy often requires listening more than probing.

‘AITA for not sharing my specific diagnosis?’

The story starts with the person’s background and how their disability visibly affects them in everyday life.

I am physically disabled. I walk with a slight limp, use crutches and braces many days, have some substantial scars (although often covered by my clothes), etc. Most days a...

Things took an unexpected turn when a college class requirement led to building a helpful connection with a professor.

A couple semesters ago I was taking a required class in college and discovered it was basically Woodshop class… which is not easy when I am using crutches and such.

I got to know the professor pretty well and he was amazingly accommodating and ended up making a lot of changes to the shop to accommodate me. He reached out...

and wondered if I was willing to come in and speak about my experiences being disabled and then serve as the client. I am a huge fan of advocating through...

During the visit, the focus stayed on lived experiences until one interaction shifted the tone.

I went in, and spoke about my day-to-day experiences. The tiny bits of inaccessibility on campus that add up for me, the way I’m treated by others, etc. I was...

hen I met with each group of students and talked about what they could design to help me. The point was for them to notice a challenge and offer a...

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I was meeting with one group and one of the students asked me what my diagnosis was. I said, “well I have a few, but I prefer not to share...

The student kind of rolled his eyes and said something along the lines of “well how am I supposed to design something for you if I don’t know what’s wrong...

Is it wrong for me to share about my experiences without sharing my diagnoses? I can see how my words can mean less if people don’t know the name of...

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p.s, if it matters. I generally don’t share diagnoses because I have had a couple bad experiences with people googling the diagnosis and thinking they have a full understanding of...

The core conflict revolves around privacy versus perceived necessity in a learning environment. The person shared practical challenges to guide student designs, while one student demanded medical details, viewing them as essential for effective solutions. Emotions ran high because the request felt invasive, clashing with the speaker’s boundary on personal health information.

Both sides likely acted from different perspectives. The speaker protected past negative experiences with assumptions based on labels, fearing reduced empathy. The student may have felt frustrated, believing a diagnosis would provide clearer guidelines, revealing a gap in understanding that disabilities manifest uniquely even with the same condition.

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Disability rights advocate Stella Young emphasized in her TED talk that “disability doesn’t make you exceptional, but questioning what you think you know about it does.” This applies directly—the student’s demand reflected common societal curiosity over actual needs, turning a collaborative session into one prioritizing labels over individual input.

To move forward, consider private follow-ups. The speaker could inform the professor about the incident for classroom feedback. Students might practice asking about specific limitations instead of diagnoses. Regular boundary-setting phrases, like redirecting to impacts, can prevent escalation while keeping discussions productive.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Social media users quickly rallied around the post, showing strong consensus on respect for privacy in disability discussions. The overwhelming response highlighted frustration with intrusive questions while praising the speaker’s approach to advocacy.

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Many readers strongly sided with the original poster, emphasizing that functional challenges matter far more than medical labels in design work.

AdFinal6253 − NTA Engineer here, and all I need to know is what your challenges are in order to be able to help in that sort of class. Yeah I...

Ideally your prof would have covered basic ethics regarding working with folks with disabilities, but they might not have thought of it either. If the student had backed off on...

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Antique_Elk7826 − NTA No one needs the actual diagnosis to accommodate you or design things to help. All they need is the physical/mental limitations that they need to design for.

That student’s response is very typical of people of who don’t understand the nature of living with disabilities and absolutely should be called out so all the students can learn...

TyrannasaurusRecked − NTA, and the question was inappropriate, though possibly understandable due to ignorance. Their eye rolling and response however, was absolutely rude and uncalled for.

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Spiritual_Address_18 − NTA. I would report that student's comment to your professor and explain to him how such comment makes you uncomfortable.

That student was way out of line, and to prevent future incidents like this, then your professor must insist on his students to focus on how to accommodate your disability...

They're not doctors and none of them should never, ever ask you that kinds of questions.

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Normal-Height-8577 − NTA. He doesn't need to know your diagnosis; he needs to know how your disability affects you adversely, and the problems you encounter as a result.

Those two things are not the same (not least because if you take any two people with the exact same diagnoses, you can pretty much guarantee that they won't have...

If you haven't already, tell the professor - he needs the feedback that one of his students was rude to the guest speaker, and also missed the whole damn point...

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Jack_Stuart_M23 − NTA. You're absolutely correct about everything you said, and the student was very impolite in how he asked and reacted.

Others pushed back against the student’s attitude, pointing out rudeness and the risk of stereotyping based on diagnoses.

hubertburnette − NTA. The most charitable interpretation is that the student didn't mean "diagnosis" as much as "constraints" (so, they weren't asking whether you had MS, fractured tibia,

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or whatever, but "stairs are difficult for me, I can't bend over easily". ..and so on). They don't need a diagnosis to design an accessible space, but it is helpful...

Of course, if they were learning about universal design they wouldn't need to know anything about your accommodations, constraints, or favorite colors,

but it sounds as though this is supposed to be more client-specific. I will say, though, that chances are the student meant diagnosis--I don't know why people always want to...

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varulvane − NTA, I'm also disabled. He was an a__hole for the "what's wrong with you" comment and acting like it's impossible for him to design for you when you...

He's also an a__hole who apparently doesn't know that a diagnosis can tell you nothing about someone's specific accessibility needs. I'm sorry. People who make comments like this don't treat...

If you feel comfortable with it I would bring it up with your professor; it shows a real lack of curiosity or engagement on the part of that student and...

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Street-Length9871 − NTA - you volunteered your time and experience, not your medical records. The person asking was rude.

A few comments offered deeper insights or practical suggestions, reinforcing that lived experiences trump labels in effective design.

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FishScrumptious − NTA "I just told you everything you need to know about how my life is impacted that allows you to adapt your design.

Nothing about my specific diagnosis will give you better information than the lived experiences of those with disabilities, regardless of what it is.

So, no, actually, given you my diagnosis would make it harder for you to design to the person, rather than the textbook diagnosis. " You might report back to the...

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Not to rat them out, but to emphasize to the teacher that *THIS* is the critical lesson, and why so many designs for people with disability fail. They aren't designing...

elgrn1 − A person with a shoulder injury, someone having just had a mastectomy, and someone with a degenerative muscular condition would all struggle to lift their arm. There may...

Designing a product to help them reach and grab wouldn't need their diagnosis to be disclosed, although I acknowledge someone with muscular issues may have problems holding a tool or...

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This student was being nosey and trying to show off their supposed superior knowledge by suggesting that knowing your diagnoses may mean they can design something even better than you...

But the diagnoses don't matter. They can be as ingenious as they want and you can feed back on its usefulness without this.

This was the moment to ask him how and why he thinks knowing the name of a medical condition rather than the symptoms or impacts it has could possibly make...

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Always ask "I don't understand" types of questions in these situations rather than lecture. NTA

Free_Owl_7189 − NTA No-one except a medical professional is entitled to your diagnosis. A designer simply needs to know what your abilities are and what needs to be adjusted to...

EssexCatWoman − NTA. He’s looking to put you in a box of stereotypes, not actually understand your challenges. Even if you did feel you wanted to share that info, what...

I have some disabilities, physical and cognitive, but I don’t necessarily have the same challenges as the next person with these conditions. He’s a buffoon.

FeelinQMiteDeleteL8r − NTA. They just need to know what challenges you face, not your diagnoses as a diagnosis can vary wild between people

Plumplum_NL − NTA. A designer doesn't need a specific diagnosis to think of a solution for the specific problems a disabled client experiences in day to day life, which you...

If something is unclear or if they need some extra information, they can ask in-depth follow up questions about your needs based on your experiences. This person was just incredibly...

No one is entitled to your personal medical information. And I agree that most people have no clue about specific medical diagnoses, because they aren't trained doctors.

I totally understand you not wanting to share it because of ignorance and/or prejudice. (I am autistic and will definitely not share that with people I don't know or trust,...

I think you should inform the woodshop teacher (who sounds great btw! ) about this, because I'm sure he wouldn't tolerate this kind of behavior in his classroom.

This story shows how protecting personal medical information can clash with others’ assumptions about what’s needed for help. True accessibility comes from listening to individual experiences rather than relying on labels that often lead to stereotypes. Setting clear boundaries early fosters respect and leads to better outcomes for everyone involved.

Have you ever faced pressure to share private health details in a professional or educational setting? When helping someone with a disability, do you focus on their described challenges or feel tempted to ask for a diagnosis first?

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