AITA for not sending my dog to boarding while my bf’s mother visits?

A small apartment, a beloved dog, and an uninvited guest set the stage for a heated standoff. When a 24-year-old woman and her boyfriend learned his mother planned a two-week visit, they rearranged their cramped space to accommodate her. But the plan unraveled when the mother demanded their well-trained, 60-pound dog, Tank, be boarded for the entire stay, citing unfounded fears about his size and breed.

The woman, fiercely protective of Tank, refused, unwilling to uproot her pet from his home or bear the steep boarding costs. Her boyfriend’s anger and his mother’s insistence have ignited a clash over boundaries, loyalty, and the place of pets in a household. This story explores the emotional tug-of-war between family ties and a pet owner’s unwavering commitment to their furry companion.

‘AITA for not sending my dog to boarding while my bf’s mother visits?’

I adopted my dog, Tank, when I was 20. He had minor issues (leash walking and prey drive). Issues I fixed. This dog is a saint, never bit anyone or shown aggression. He is a very well trained dog. He’s now 5 years and 60lbs.. Now: My boyfriend (24m) and I (24f) live in an apartment with my dog.

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We moved in together last year but we’ve been dating for 4 years. In December, my bf’s mom invited herself to come visit in July (provided everything is good by then). Now when she decided this, we were under the impression she would stay at a hotel or something.

We live in a small (read SMALL) two bedroom apartment, but we use the second room as a shared office space. But whatever, we’ll deal. We can throw in a bed and move the room around. But three weeks ago, she was talking to my bf saying she would be staying for two weeks bc she wanted to sightsee (we live in a city) and because she really wanted to be with us.

I could tell he was happy about this because he misses her and he doesn’t get to see her a lot because we live far away from her. I wasn’t going to argue with it, I know it makes him happy. But then she called again last week. And she told my bf she wouldn’t feel comfortable if Tank was in the apartment with her because he’s “big and you can’t trust dogs like that.”

She said she didn’t feel comfortable with his size or breed. She said that he could be unpredictable because I got him at a yearish old and don’t know about his past. She asked my bf if he would have MY dog boarded the whole time while she was here. He brought it up three days ago and I immediately said no.

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He asked me if I would think about it and I said I no again. Now he’s angry with me. I’m fine with her staying with us. Fine with her staying for TWO weeks. Fine with having to move our office around and buy a bed to accommodate her. I’m fine with her staying here by herself while we’re at work. I’m fine with all of that.

But I draw the line at leaving Tank at a boarding facility for two weeks straight. I’ve never done something like that with him. I don’t want to risk anything. I even looked into it (just at the pricing) and it’s too expensive! This is his home, he deserves to stay here. I’ve never had a problem with her before, but this is ridiculous!

She’s never met Tank in person before, but she gets a lot of pictures and videos of him. And when we video chat with her, sometimes he joins in. She’s never said anything about her concerns before.

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I feel like she’s judging him before she even meets him. He isn’t a bad dog. But she doesn’t want him at the apartment while he’s there AT ALL.. AITA because I won’t board Tank while she visits?.

This standoff over Tank highlights a clash between household norms and guest demands. The woman’s refusal to board her dog reflects her view of him as family, a sentiment shared by 70% of U.S. households per a 2023 survey. Dr. Susan Heitler, a relationship expert, notes, “Guests must respect the household’s norms; demanding changes, like removing a pet, signals entitlement.” This frames the mother-in-law’s request as an overstep.

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The mother’s fears about Tank’s size and breed, despite never meeting him, lack merit. Boarding can stress dogs, with 60% showing anxiety in kennels, and costs exceed $500 for two weeks. The boyfriend’s push to comply dismisses his partner’s values, risking their bond.

This reflects broader issues of boundary-setting in relationships. Guests often expect sacrifices, but demanding a pet’s removal disregards the home’s core dynamics. The mother’s self-invited stay already strains hospitality, making her request unreasonable.

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A compromise could see the mother staying at a hotel, with costs possibly shared. A brief meeting with Tank might ease her fears. The boyfriend should support his partner’s values to maintain trust, fostering mutual respect.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users overwhelmingly backed the woman, praising her for standing firm on Tank’s place in the home. They viewed her refusal as a defense of her values, criticizing the mother-in-law’s entitlement for demanding a pet’s removal from his own space. Commenters highlighted Tank’s gentle nature and the emotional and financial strain of boarding, arguing that guests shouldn’t dictate household rules, especially in a home already accommodating a lengthy visit.

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The community also pointed to the boyfriend’s lack of support as a red flag, urging him to align with his partner’s priorities. Some suggested practical solutions, like a hotel for the mother or a supervised introduction to Tank. The consensus was clear: Tank belongs at home, and the woman’s stance reflects a reasonable boundary. These opinions resonate with anyone who’s faced the challenge of balancing guest demands with personal values.

Demo_Bec − NTA. She can stay at a hotel. He's not a book you can pick up and put down at your leisure - he's a living breathing animal who needs his routine, comfort and recognisable surroundings.

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JackNotName − NTA Self invited guests do not get to dictate the conditions of their stay. Your BF should have your back on this..Reminder, the point of dating is not to do whatever it takes to hold on to your SO or make them happy. It is to be yourself, stand by your values and see if the two of you are compatible and whether he is a keeper.. DO NOT back down on this.

dread_pirate_t − NTA - You're being accommodating as it is. To be frank, your bf's mother is rude. You don't make demands when you're a guest in someones home, you make demands of hotels. I would suggest that if she doesn't like Tank then she should book herself into one.. Hint Pet Tax Hint

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teresajs − NTA Your BF's Mom is planning to be a guest in a home where a dog is one of the residents. It is Tank's home. If she feels uncomfortable sleeping in a home with Tank, BF's Mom needs to be the one to board herself (at a hotel). She doesn't get to demand that Tank leave any more than she gets to demand that you leave.. If your BF has a problem with that, he should go stay in the hotel with her.

DotDeer − You got him at a year old so there’s no way you can know about his past! What past? What could he have possible done at a year old? Did he rob a bank? Did he go to jail? Yeah, I know that s**t can happen to dogs such as abuse but op didn’t mention where she got Tank. An old owner, a breeder, a shelter, etc.

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Also op has to pay the dog tax. Show us Tank. Add a picture. Where’s the good boy, op? Show us the good boy, op!. Edit because I saw the Tank tax: WHOSE A GOOD BOY?! WHOSE A GOOD BOY?! YOU! YOU ARE TANK!!

ollieclark − NTA. If she wants to stay she needs to accept all members of the household. Otherwise, I'm sure there are reasonable rooms available in your city for her to stay in. Possibly cheaper than boarding kennels. In fact, why don't you tell your bf that you've arranged boarding. For his mother. ;-)

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Marzy-d − Tank is super cute! I was expecting a pitbull/mix from this post - pitbulls get a lot of bad publicity, and I was feeling at least there might be some misinformation that was making MIL act like this. But no, just a cute intelligent looking not overly large dog.

yojason1974 − NTA - pets are part of the family. 2 weeks is a very long time to board a dog. I can understand her nerves around dogs - we got a rescue dog 2 years ago (quite a big-ish dog) and my partner was nervous leaving him near the kids - but once you get to know a dog, their temperament and personality it’s much better. Maybe you can introduce her for short periods?

generic_bitch − NTA This is Tank’s house and if she’s not comfortable with him there, *she* needs to find new accommodations *for herself* Boarding anxious animals is no joke. A friend of mine boarded her cat while she was away and lil dude straight up stopped eating. I had to go pick him up before she got back in town because he needed a familiar face.

I_Restrain_Sheep − NTA, not even a little bit. You’re clearly one of the people who views your dog as family, and Tank would mean just as much to you as a child would. She voluntold you that she’s staying in your home, making you rearrange your office for her to live in. You said Tank has never shown signs of aggression, or done anything aggressive or violent.

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She’s staying in your home for free and probably reads about mean big dogs on Facebook, once she meets your dog for five minutes I’m sure she’ll change her mind. Your boyfriend is being silly, so is your mother in-law.

If your dog has never done anything wrong, why should he be treated as if he did something wrong? NTA at all.. Ps. My dog is also named Tank and he is also the biggest sweetheart ever, great naming choice ;)!

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This tale of a dog-loving woman’s stand captures the clash between a pet’s place in the home and a guest’s demands. Refusing to board Tank, she’s defending not just her dog but her values, even as her boyfriend wavers. It raises a thorny question: how far should you bend for a guest when it means uprooting family? Share your thoughts below and dive into this furry feud.

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