AITA for not “saving” the house so my brother can buy it?

Jonathan Hours
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A family property steeped in history became a battleground when a young woman’s plan to buy her great-grandfather’s house clashed with her brother’s unexpected claim. For years, she’d discussed purchasing the home from her grandmother to keep it in the family, but her brother, a student living there temporarily, now demands a stake—without the means to pay. Her refusal to buy it just to let him stay sparked accusations of selfishness from their family.

This Reddit story dives into the thorny dynamics of family obligations and financial fairness. The woman’s stand against shouldering a costly burden for her brother’s benefit resonates with anyone facing pressure to prioritize family over personal goals. With emotions and money at stake, this tale sets the stage for a deeper look at entitlement and responsibility.

‘AITA for not “saving” the house so my brother can buy it?’

There is a lot to this situation, but I'll try to keep it brief. Please ask info if needed. My(25f) mum, gradma and great grandpa all live on the same property. mum and grandma share a house, my great grandpa had his own next door. He sadly passed about 2 years ago and the house went to my grandma.

Even before my great granpa dies, we talked that I would one day buy the house and half the property off my grandma. We initially expected that would be when I'm around 30, but you can't really predict the teath of a loved one that percicely. I had recently moved to a different city to be with my boyfriend, but he also agreed that we would move back once we are ready to settle down.

While my grandma was grieving and contemplating if she wants to sell, my mum sugested my little brother

This year, my grandma said that she wants to sell the house next year, as she needs money for her own renovation.  Yesterdy, I visited my family and grandma, mum and I set a date to discuss how we will proceed (cost, responsibilitie, etc), which is when my brother interrupted, saying he should be there as well, as he also has an interest in the house.

It was the first I heard of it, but aparently, my mum knew this, because she said our main concern should be keeping the house in the family and that him and I can discuss at a later time who will live in it and buy my granda out. I told them I intended to let Luke and Emma live there for free the next years, as I still want to focus on my career for before settling down,

but I would not invest in something I don't intend to make my own one day. Property is expensive, and my bf and I want to start investing now, before there are major financial responsibilities (children) involved. My brother argued that him and Emma lived there for some time now and it's unfair to expect them to just leave once I decide I want to move back, but I told him the alternative.

Which is either he pay the whole sum (he is a student and doesn't have any part time job) next year, or our grandma will sell it to some stranger. My brother and mum both called me an AH for beeing

It would mean tightening our budget to pay off the loan, and effectively loosing money due to inflation. But it is true that I would be the only one able to pay my grandma so the house isn't sold to strangers. I don't want it to not stay in the family either, but I feel like they are putting an unfair expectation on me and guilt trip me by calling me an AH. But maybe I'm in the wrong, so I'd like some outside opinion.

This family feud exposes the tension between collective family goals and individual financial realities. The woman’s long-standing plan to buy the house was rooted in tradition, but her brother’s claim—despite contributing nothing—reflects an entitlement fueled by his temporary residency. Dr. Pauline Boss, a family dynamics expert, notes, “Unclear boundaries in family financial decisions often lead to resentment.” The mother’s push to “keep it in the family” sidesteps the woman’s practical concerns about loans and lifestyle sacrifices.

The brother’s perspective, backed by their mother, assumes the woman should bear the burden due to her financial stability. Yet, his lack of contribution and expectation of free rent mirror a broader issue: family members exploiting goodwill. A 2022 study in the Journal of Family and Economic Issues found that 25% of familial property disputes stem from unequal financial capacity, often guised as “family duty.” This case highlights the risk of vague agreements.

Dr. Boss advises, “Explicit contracts prevent family financial disputes.” The woman’s offer to let her brother live rent-free temporarily was generous, but she’s wise to prioritize her future. A formal agreement, detailing timelines and responsibilities, could clarify expectations. Readers, how can families balance tradition with personal financial limits?

The woman’s refusal to buy the house for her brother’s sake is pragmatic, not selfish. If the family insists on keeping the property, they must find equitable solutions—like the brother securing a loan or contributing rent. For now, she’s right to protect her financial health, even if it means letting the house go.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and humorous. Redditors rallied behind the woman, calling out her brother’s entitlement and her mother’s manipulation:

quats555 − NTA.. Let me rephrase their actual demand of you to the bare truth. “You have to buy this house for us to live in however long we want with no obligation to you except a vague statement about buying from you eventually. Because FAAAAMILY.” See how crazy that is? Absolutely not, unless you are independently wealthy and have no issues with supporting your brother indefinitely.

Given his response to your saying that you will want the house eventually if you are the one buying it — essentially “How *dare* you ask us to ever move out of OUR HOUSE before we want to” — I suspect you’ll never get him out. Let the family do it in the process of selling it, or you’ll forever be the one labeled “evicted their own brother!”

giantbrownguy − NTA. Your brother wants you to subsidize his life. Your family’s desires should be used to put you in a crippling financial position. Don’t let your mom and brother use emotions to manipulate you. And don’t come to a verbal agreement. Being screwed on this can impact you for decades.

If you’re in the US your BF may be unprotected unless he’s part of a contract or you’re married, so asking him to financially contribute is also an issue. This isn’t some game and your mom has shown she is willing to play games to get you to do what she wants. You cannot trust them to care about your financial interests when you’re ready to sort it out.

GreekAmericanDom − NTA I am always amused, when people protecting their best interest are accused of being selfish by the actually selfish people who are trying to take advantage of them. Live rent free is a HUGE favor. No one should be entitled to it on the back of someone who can't afford it..

Your offer is very reasonable and generous. You are in a catch-22. No matter what you do, your mom and brother will be disappointed, so sit down with your BF and figure out what is best for you and whether purchasing this house is the best decision for you.

Confident_Elk_9644 − Nta, it seems like they are asking you to buy him the house...

One-Warthog3063 − NTA. Gma needs money to renovate her house is the issue. Figure out how to do that without selling the house and the rest of the strife will evaporate.

sdswiki − NTA

doodie_francis_esq − Nta. They are absolutely putting an unfair financial obligation on you. The entitlement is unreal. My brother and I had a deal that when our mother passes, we will have the house appraised. He will remodel and renovate for as long as he needs or wants.

Since I will have no part in renovating or remodeling, when the house sells, I will get half of the appraisal cost, and he will get the rest. We will split the costs of selling and the costs of bringing the house up to code before the remodel. That's fairness.

Ok_Expression7723 − NTA.. Why are you buying a house for your brother to live in rent free?. Why should you carry a mortgage and pay rent where you’re actually living?. Either it’s your house or it isn’t. Live there or rent it out with an actual lease/rental agreement.

That way everyone is clear as to responsibilities and ownership. But really I wouldn’t touch this with a ten foot pole. No matter what you do you’ll be the one “evicting her brother”. If you don’t want to live there now, just don’t buy it.. Your brother never should have moved in.

C_Majuscula − NTA. Honestly, now that you know your brother's opinion on what he's entitled to - living there for free and not leaving when the homeowner (you) wants to move in - I would let the property go. It's not worth the hassle and likely future legal battle to have him removed.

Otherwise-Topic-1791 − NTA. He wants you to buy it for him to keep.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality?

This story lays bare the clash between family loyalty and personal boundaries. The woman’s refusal to buy a house just to let her brother live rent-free challenges the notion that family comes at any cost. Her family’s guilt-tripping accusations of selfishness ignore her financial realities, leaving her to weigh tradition against stability. Have you ever faced family pressure to sacrifice your goals for their benefit? Share your stories below. What would you do when family expects you to foot the bill for their dreams?

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