AITA for not returning my mom’s ring?

In a family steeped in tradition, a son’s refusal to return his mother’s cherished engagement ring—once offered to his ex-fiancée—lit a fuse of drama as her lavish wedding loomed. Claiming he wanted to shield his ex from painful memories, he held firm against his mother’s request to wear her heirloom, crafted by his father. Her hurt and the family’s outrage turned a sentimental keepsake into a battleground of pride and pettiness.

This Reddit tale unravels a tangle of love lost and family loyalty, where a ring’s sparkle hides bitter feelings. The son’s stand, cloaked as compassion, feels more like a grudge to his kin, raising questions about ownership and moving on. With emotions raw and a wedding invitation stirring the pot, this story pulls readers into a drama where heirlooms carry heavy hearts.

‘AITA for not returning my mom’s ring?’

I (28M) and my ex girlfriend Mela (28F) were together for 7 years. Mela was obsessed with marriage. She literally had a Pinterest full of wedding ideas for years. Around year 4 of our relationship she started outright saying that she wanted to be married and wanted to be proposed in this way or that way and basically making plans.

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I told her that I would think about it. While I loved her, I wasn’t sure if marriage was for me. We had an argument and she made an ultimatum. Either I propose or we break up. I didn’t make a decision and she broke up with me. I realized I wanted her in my life and I proposed.

My mom gave me her engagement ring which wasn’t Mela’s style or size but she seemed happy. I started getting second thoughts and we got into a fight. Mela took off the ring and gave it back to me. We broke up and we went our separate ways. I took that as she was giving me the ring.

Mela and my mom were close and she was invited to the wedding. Mela is getting married to Devin (25M) who’s apparently head over heels for her and bought her a $15k engagement ring. My mom wanted to wear her best jewelry for the wedding as it was a lavish event and asked for her ring back.

I told her I wouldn’t give her the engagement ring back as it was mine and I didn’t want Mela to see the engagement ring that she was supposed to have since it would probably make her feel bad since she married the first guy who was there. My mom is upset. My family is calling me an a**hole. My dad (who made the ring) said I was a selfish brat. I keep getting n**ty emails from relatives about the situation. AITA?

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Family heirlooms, like the mother’s engagement ring, carry emotional weight that can ignite fierce disputes. The son’s refusal to return it, claiming he’s protecting his ex-fiancée’s feelings at her wedding, seems less altruistic when weighed against his family’s anger and his own lingering resentment. The ring, lent for a proposal that failed, was never his to keep, yet his grip on it suggests unresolved pain from the breakup.

The son’s rationale—that seeing the ring would hurt his ex—appears flimsy, especially since she’s moved on with a new fiancé and a costly ring of her own. His mother, who formed a bond with the ex, wants to honor their connection by wearing her heirloom, crafted by her husband. The son’s stance, prioritizing a hypothetical slight over his mother’s wishes, risks fracturing family ties.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family dynamics expert, notes, “Holding onto objects from past relationships can signal unresolved grief, but withholding them from their rightful owner often stems from control or spite.” The son’s pettiness, as Reddit users pointed out, may reflect jealousy over his ex’s happiness, but keeping the ring punishes his mother unfairly, escalating a personal grudge into a family feud.

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To resolve this, the son should return the ring promptly, acknowledging his mother’s ownership and emotional stake. A candid talk about his breakup’s lingering sting could help him process his feelings without alienating his family. This story underscores the need to separate personal hurts from family obligations, ensuring heirlooms don’t become hostages to heartbreak.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit users unanimously labeled the son selfish, arguing the ring belongs to his mother, lent solely for the proposal. They dismissed his excuse about sparing his ex’s feelings as petty, noting she’s likely unbothered, happily engaged with a new ring. Many suspected he’s holding onto the ring out of jealousy or has already sold it, urging him to return it to avoid permanent family rifts.

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The community’s consensus was blunt: the ring was never his, and his refusal reflects immaturity and spite. They emphasized that his mother’s right to her heirloom outweighs his emotional attachment, highlighting the broader issue of respecting family property and moving on from past relationships.

WayMoreCowbell − YTA. She gave you her ring with a specific purpose in mind. HER ring is not yours if you didn't use it. Give it back.

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DinaFelice − Your mother didn't give you that ring... She lent you a family heirloom for the express purpose of proposing. You should have returned the ring to her as soon as Mela returned it to you. YTA for refusing to return your mother's ring to it's rightful owner

[Reddit User] − Hmm, why do you care if Mela sees the ring? I’d just give it back and move on with life like everyone else.. I’ll say YTA for this line. she married the first guy who was there

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not_really_an_elf − So you sold it already huh? At least that's what I'm guessing. Because otherwise you'd never be so stupid as to irreparably damage the relationship with your own mother over a piece of jewellery that was never yours to begin with.

Appearing to be so greedy, ungrateful and petty would be a really great way to get nothing in future. So you wouldn't be stupid enough to do that unless you'd already screwed up, right?. YTA. Give her the ring back or come clean and stop making silly excuses.

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[Reddit User] − YTA You have no use for the ring. You really think that your next girlfriend will be happy that you propose with the same ring you gave to another woman? It belonged to your mom first and you're not engaged. Also I guarantee you Mela is not going to care about your mother wearing the ring. She's moved on and found someone who actually shares her mutual goals.

therenegadegoose − YTA. Reading your comments confirmed my suspicions. You’re being petty. I get it, man, you’re hurt. You realized after wasting 7 years of her time that she was probably everything you wanted and needed, and you fucked that up. Now you’re upset that she “settled” with “the next guy who was there”… Seriously?

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How old are you again? You’re jealous. Just say that. You’re being petty towards your mom because she was invited to celebrate this joyous occasion for a woman she thought one day would be her daughter-in-law, and she wants to look special. Give her the damn ring back, dude. You lost, because *YOU FUCKED UP*.

Trust me, it’s not going to hurt Mela’s feelings a damn bit to see that ring — she’s moved on and is getting the happily ever after she always wanted. Go sulk in the corner and be sad, but that ring never belonged to you one way or another. It should be with your mother, whether she decides to wear it or not.. Oh, and also — Grow up.

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Striking_Winter_9709 − YTA - technically you're fiance didn't have to give you the ring back at all, and it was you're mother's before you so desperately needed because you kind of liked her more than not being committed.. Give your mom her ring back. This just seems petty.

SparklyIsMyFaveColor − INFO: Be honest, is the ring still in your possession?

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CLUUs − YTA. It was hand made by your dad for your mom and the lady you were to give it to returned it. Should you want to propose again you could ask for the heirloom again, but seeing how you are acting like a brat I doubt she will give you a second chance.

deltagardevoir − YTA. You know damn well that's not your ring to keep, especially since you're not getting married anymore. Give your mom her ring back or you'll have to deal with the bad blood between you and your own mother forever.

This saga of a ring and ruptured bonds shows how heartbreak can twist good intentions into selfish acts. The son’s grip on his mother’s heirloom, cloaked as concern, seems more like a jab at his ex’s joy, costing him family trust. Returning it could mend the rift. How would you handle a keepsake tied to a painful past? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this sparkling debate alive!

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