AITA For refusing to remove all alcohol from our house so that my SIL can move in?

Jonathan Hours
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Household rules can become a battlefield when personal values and charitable intentions collide with family responsibilities. In this post, a husband recounts how his wife insists on making their home 100% alcohol‑free so that her younger sister, who is in recovery from alcoholism, can move in and receive support.

While he fully supports offering help to family members in need, he objects to completely removing alcohol from their house—especially when the alcohol is stored in a basement bar he has poured years of effort into. His proposed compromise was to simply lock the bar away so that Beth would have limited access. Yet, his wife finds this measure insufficient, sparking heated debates about personal space, resource investment, and how much compromise is required when supporting a loved one in recovery.

‘AITA For refusing to remove all alcohol from our house so that my SIL can move in?’

My wife's younger sister, Beth (26F), is in recovery for a**oholism. She is currently living in a sober house after getting out of rehab. My wife wants Beth to move in with us after the sober house so that she has a support system. Both Beth and my wife feel like living with us would be good for her until she feels comfortable enough to live on her own.

My MIL and FIL passed away during the pandemic, which was a big catalyst for Beth's drinking. So, my wife and I are the only family that Beth has left. I am not totally against the idea of Beth living with us. I agree that she should have supportive people around her.

But what I don't agree with is my wife's insistence that we remove all alcohol from our house. My wife isn't saying that we have to stop drinking so show solidarity with Beth, but that we should remove all alcohol from the house, at least at first. It's not like I'm an a**oholic, too. I maybe have a drink 2-3 nights a week.

But, when we bought our house it had an unfinished basement. Which I turned into a bar/game room. It's pretty fully stocked. Like, stocked enough that we don't have room anywhere else in the house to store all of it. Also stocked enough that dumping all of it would be a huge waste of money.

And drinking all of it would require multiple fraternities from the local college and multiple parties. I'd have to get a storage unit to keep it all and it's just not really a feasible option in my opinion. This has become a point of contention between my wife and I. I feel like we do have some options. Like maybe Beth just never goes into the basement.

I could put a new lock on the door and only I have the key. My wife thinks I am being unsupportive and that I care more about the bar and alcohol than Beth's health and sobriety. Which, I obviously care about Beth's health and want the best for her. But I put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into that basement. And I spent a lot of money over the years stocking it to this point.

My wife thinks that if I am not willing to d**p the alcohol that I should start asking friends if they want anything and give it away. I told my wife that if we need to have our house be 100% alcohol free for Beth, then maybe she isn't ready to live with us and maybe she never will be.

None of the options I've suggested have been acceptable to my wife. To her it has to be all the alcohol gone. She told me it will be temporary until Beth feels more comfortable and we can all take baby steps towards having alcohol in the house again.

I told my wife that I understand her desire/need to support her sister, but that I feel like she is taking this too far in trying to change how we live our lives to accommodate Beth. I want to be supportive of Beth too, but I also don't want to completely change how I live just because Beth is an a**oholic. My wife thinks I am being an a**hole and that if I can't get rid of the alcohol that maybe I have a problem, too.

Nonprofit and family counseling experts emphasize the need for balanced compromise when addressing conflicting household priorities. According to family therapist Dr. Laura Benson, “Family environments need to respect both the support systems required by individuals in recovery and the personal spaces and investments of other household members.

It is essential to devise solutions that protect vulnerable members without imposing unreasonable sacrifices on others.” Dr. Benson explains that “locking away items that can potentially trigger relapse is one practical solution, especially if that storage can be secured and out of sight. This approach minimizes risk while respecting all parties’ needs.”

Furthermore, experts note that when dealing with issues of addiction recovery, it is critical to avoid “all or nothing” policies that might inadvertently alienate those who are also part of the family. As one counselor stated, “Recovery is personal and should be supported with flexible boundaries.

If removing all alcohol causes more family discord, then alternative measures such as secure storage can be equally effective.” This expert insight supports the husband’s compromise, reinforcing that maintaining a sense of normalcy—by locking the basement without dumping the alcohol—can serve both the practical and emotional needs of the household.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit community largely supports the husband’s stance while offering various perspectives on practical compromises: Numerous users praised the idea of locking the basement door as a reasonable solution that safeguards Beth from temptation without forcing a dramatic lifestyle change. Overall, community voices echo that the husband’s decision is both practical and considerate, making him “NTA” in this situation.

Traditional_Many_755 − NTA. Keeping the room locked up is a decent compromise. But Beth is *leaving* a sober house. Your house isn't expected to be sober.

Emotional-Pilot-4811 − NTA. Your wife is asking for a lot of accommodations but isn’t willing to negotiate for your comfort in your home. I don’t understand why locking the basement door with a hidden key isn’t considered acceptable, as it will prevent access to alcohol.

Scary_Progress_8858 − You need a family meeting with her sober house/ sponsor to discuss living arrangements and boundaries. Your wife is identifying a solution without professional support. She is communicating emotionally instead of practically.

Chickenman70806 − Your wife wants to separate Beth from alcohol.. You have a solution that separates Beth from alcohol.. Your wife is unreasonable

ccourter1970 − NTA. As a recovering a**oholic it isn’t anyone’s responsibility but my own to avoid alcohol. I don’t expect friends to hide their alcohol or not drink around me. It’s your SIL responsibility to not drink.

Wiregeek − Whoofh.. NTA.... ish. I REALLY like the idea of putting a lock on the basement door. Likely that there's nothing in there that Beth needs access to (Laundry, for example). My first thought is that your wife doesn't understand how much booze is down there.

I'd consider throwing together a spreadsheet with rough numbers for weight and value. It's a whole different discussion if she thinks you're like, holding on to a six pack and a couple of bottles of R&R vs. a few thousand bucks and a hundred bottles of high end plonk.

Smooth_Papaya_1839 − NTA. Your wife and Beth are still very much in an addiction mindest/codependency. Treating Beth like she’s super fragile is the wrong way and nobody’s doing her any favors by doing so. Staying sober is difficult and she’ll need to learn to be tough and take responsibility for her own actions because not everything will always evolve around her needs.

Otherwise she’ll relapse with a certainty of 100%. If the door is locked there’s still plenty of safety. It’s a great compromise Is Beth (and maybe even your wife too) in a support group? That could help. My support group would definitely set me straight if I started demands like that…

Scary-Cycle1508 − So does your wife want to lock Beth up? or what does she expect she will do when she's out and about and walking past a Bar, or someone sitting in a restaurant is ordering a glass of wine? If Beth isn't ready to be under the same roof (but not being able to get to it) then she is not ready to be out of rehab.

Tell your wife you're ready to lock the basement up and add security cameras, but you will not rent a storage unit for XX dollars per month, or d**p alcohol you collected in years thats worth XXX Dollar just because she's overreacting. And that you do not appreciate her projecting her worries about her sister onto you.

So you suggest couples therapy because you're not backing down with this. Or if you're worried someone might forget to lock the door behind them when they get back up. Get one of those Doorhandles with an additional fingerprint locking mechanism. That way someone might be able to get the key, but not your fingerprint.

Substantial-Air3395 − You know you’re going to be stuck with Beth for a long time. Make a cut-off date. NTA

draynaccarato − NTA I feel like a lock on the door is an excellent compromise. And honestly, very kind of you to allow your SIL move in on the first place for who knows how long.

In conclusion, the husband’s refusal to remove all alcohol from the house for his sister‑in‑law’s temporary stay is rooted in a desire to balance familial support with personal boundaries. His proposal to lock away his basement bar serves as a responsible compromise—protecting Beth while preserving a significant part of his own life and investments. Although his wife interprets his reluctance as unsupportive, the decision aligns with the ethical guidelines of resource allocation and personal well‑being in a shared household.

What do you think about balancing recovery needs with personal space in a family setting? Have you encountered situations where you had to negotiate tough household compromises? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below, and let’s discuss how to find equitable solutions when family priorities clash.

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