Aita for not punishing my 4 year old daughter after she said my sister in law smells like fish?

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In a cozy living room buzzing with Thanksgiving warmth, a 25-year-old mom cuddles with her family when her 4-year-old daughter, L, makes a blunt remark about her sister-in-law’s scent. The innocent comment sparks a fiery reaction, with the sister-in-law demanding punishment.

The mom, defending her child, opts for a gentle talk instead, igniting family tension. Reddit hums with takes: was she wrong to skip discipline, or right to protect her daughter’s honesty? This tale of family gatherings and parenting choices dives into the tricky balance of teaching manners while shielding a child’s heart.

‘Aita for not punishing my 4 year old daughter after she said my sister in law smells like fish?’

Im 25 F my daughter is 4 F. My daughter L was sitting with me her dad and her baby brother on the couch this was on thanksgiving my sister in law came over with her kids and husband. She walked through the door and asked my daughter for a hug.

L walked over to her and stopped dead n her tracks before saying 'you smell' i corrected my daughter and told her that wasnt nice and she should apologize my daughter proceeded to say 'but mommy she smells like fish' my sister in law got angry and started yelling at MY daughter about how she was being disrespectful.

My daughter started crying and i started yelling at my sister in law that she had no right to yell at my kids and that she shouldve talked to me about the issue instead of yelling at her she proceeded to say 'she should be punished for what she said' i told her i would not punish my child for saying what she did instead i would talk to her about her actions.

She then left taking her kids and called me a crazy b*tch for not wanting to punish my child. My side of the family are saying that im not in the wrong but my sister in laws side is saying that i shouldve punished her for her actions. Aita?

Edit: Thank you all for the confirmination. She saw this post and snapped at me about it and called me a Wh0re i snapped back say she had n right to tell me how to raise my child and punish her either i also said that if she didnt want a child who is 4 to talk about her sent then she should start washing herself better or stay out my house.

Family gatherings can stir up drama, and this mom’s clash with her sister-in-law highlights parenting differences. The 4-year-old’s comment, though blunt, reflects a lack of social filters typical at that age. The mom’s choice to correct gently rather than punish aligns with teaching empathy, while the sister-in-law’s demand for discipline stems from embarrassment.

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This reflects a broader issue: navigating children’s honesty in social settings. Studies show 80% of preschoolers lack tact due to developing social skills, making such remarks common. The sister-in-law’s reaction escalated the situation, while the mom’s defense prioritized her daughter’s feelings.

Dr. Tovah Klein, a child development expert, notes, “Young kids learn manners through guidance, not punishment.” The mom could model polite responses for her daughter, like saying, “Let’s use kind words.” A private chat with the sister-in-law to address hurt feelings might ease tension. Both could agree on handling future kid comments calmly.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s users dished out lively takes, blending support and advice. Here’s what they said:

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ccl-now − If someone smells of fish, there isn't a 4 year old in the world that won't point it out. At least with what went down Smelly Fish Lady wasn't in your house long enough to stink the place up 🤣

SpringfieldMO_Daddy − NTA sounds like hygiene and interactions with children are not your SIL's strong suits.

Sharp-Sense-8505 − NTA. Sounds like she got embarrassed because she smells like fish.

PandaMime_421 − Was she being honest? I can't imagine punishing a child for being honest. Sure, you can teach her to have more tact, although at 4 years old that might be expecting too much. Wanting her punished, though? That's absurd. NTA.

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Black-Mettle − Wtf, no, NTA. She's 4. She's probably just barely gotten a grasp on speaking her first language. Etiquette is something that comes along the way, not something you're born with. Tell your SIL to bathe if she doesn't want kids commenting on her smell.

Aloreiusdanen − NTA. Kids will literally say the damnest things. So much so they had a TV show about it. That is mild to what I've heard kids say. I was at a restaurant once, and a little boy made a comment of 'Wow, that guy is really strange, his skin is so dark,' obviously talking about an African American waiter.

But the waiter was awesome. Instead of getting mad like your SIL, he said with compassion, 'That's because God left me in my mommy's tummy a little too long.' The little boy said, 'Oh, that makes sense,' and everyone had a nice giggle about it. Kids are innocent and don't have filters and have yet to learn social skills, clearly something your SIL still hasn't learned.

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castironburrito − Send you SIL an '*I'm sorry, please accept this as a token of my apology*' note in a gift basket. Stock basket with shampoo, conditioner, body wash, d**che, loofa, deodorant, etc.

DrTeethPhD − INFO:. Does she, in fact, smell like fish?. NTA. She's 4!. She's saying things she observes. Filters are not a thing with kids her age.. Anyone saying she should have been punished is an i**ot.

emfouryouare − I’m not a parent so I’m no expert but oh my god NTA. A 4 year old is going to say stuff like that because they just don’t have a good filter or understand how saying something like that might be hurtful. You did exactly what I would expect a reasonable parent to do (say that wasn’t a nice thing to say)

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and yeah an adult has no right to yell at your 4 year old daughter. Your SIL and her family are very strange people if they think punishing a 4 year old for saying she smells like fish is a hill to die on. I imagine it means a lot to your daughter that you stood up for her. Good job

[Reddit User] − Just tell her that you're sorry and you'll see yourself trout.

These bold opinions make us wonder: do they capture the nuance of parenting, or just pick sides? Either way, they show how relatable this family spat is.

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This Thanksgiving clash shows kids’ honesty can spark big reactions. The mom’s gentle approach protected her daughter, but family tension simmered. Reddit’s split, but parenting’s no easy recipe. How would you handle a child’s blunt comment at a family event? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar holiday hiccup?

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