AITA for not picking up my BF’s daughter?

In a flurry of frantic texts, a woman stares at her phone, heart pounding as her boyfriend’s ex demands she pick up their daughter for a Super Bowl party. Months of threats—promises to call the cops if she’s ever alone with the child—echo in her mind. She says no, and suddenly her boyfriend and friends unleash a storm of blame, leaving her in tears. This Reddit tale captures a raw clash of boundaries and expectations.

Readers can feel her panic and betrayal. Was she wrong to stand her ground, or was she trapped by a toxic setup?

‘AITA for not picking up my BF’s daughter?’

My BF and I have been together about six months, he has one child with his ex-fiancé, she has three kids total. His ex **HATES** me, strictly for the fact that my boyfriend has moved on and it looks serious between us. She's made it clear that I'm not allowed to be alone with their daughter in any capacity because I'm *not* her Mom and I'm not going to be.

She doesn't even like it when it's my BF's weekend and we go out together as a trio for a movie. She's gone as far as saying she'd call the cops if he ever left his daughter with me. \*She does this with ALL the baby daddies. Around eleven-ish this morning, she starts sending me texts, hitting me up on Messenger, etc--asking me to come get her daughter, and keep her for the day.

Her reasoning? She got invited to a Super Bowl party and the other two boys were with their grandparents, and my BF had to work, so could I get off my ass and come get her? And keep her overnight? I sent her a screenshot of her first text to me, the 'I'll call the cops!' threat and tell her nope, can't do it.

Thirty minutes later, my BF, his ex, and several of our mutual friends are all blowing up my phone and social media calling me horrible because I won't go pick her up. My BF left me a voicemail that I spent an hour crying over, nobody will talk to me,

and I know if I post screenshots they'll just say I should have picked her up and made her feel special we had 'girls time'. I'm still in pieces over it, I volunteered to go into work just so I won't be home alone crying.. AITA for not taking her up on the offer and spending the day with my BF's daughter?

This babysitting blowup isn’t just about a missed pickup—it’s a tangle of boundaries and manipulation. The ex’s flip from threats to demands reeks of opportunism, while the boyfriend’s harsh voicemail betrays a lack of support. The woman’s refusal was a shield against potential accusations, given the ex’s history of hostility.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “Healthy relationships require mutual respect for boundaries, especially in blended families” . Studies show 50% of stepfamily conflicts stem from unclear roles . The ex’s demand, paired with threats, set a trap; the boyfriend’s reaction suggests he’s swayed by her narrative.

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This highlights a broader issue: navigating co-parenting tensions. The woman could’ve calmly reiterated the ex’s threats to her boyfriend, seeking clarity. Moving forward, couples counseling or a mediator could align expectations. She might also consider if this relationship’s drama outweighs its worth.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users didn’t hold back, tossing out fiery takes with a side of red-flag warnings. Here’s what they had to say about this messy drama.

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IridianRaingem - NTA How do you know she won’t call the cops later? You kidnapped her! You hurt her! You touched her! If you do something she doesn’t like she could have called the cops and said anything. It’s a huge red flag the boyfriend would scream at you like that when the ex is the one who has said she doesn’t want you anywhere near her child.

MauraPawNZ - NTA wow the audacity of these people. You were threatened and they blow up on YOU for not taking any risks?. F**k. And your bf left you a voicemail you cried over? Time to reevaluate your relationship, girl.

[Reddit User] - NTA. She said she’d call the cops. And I’m willing to bet that even if she told you to do it she’d probably still call the cops. Judging from your BF reaction I personally would move on from this relationship. If I’m honest this has constant drama written all over it

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howardSternsFeet - INFO: now that the ex’s lie is out, what does your BF say?

msbeesy - Omg. OP why are you involved with these horrible people?. NTA. That being said, you missed a chance to build trust with your boyfriends baby mama. I get why - it felt like a trap.

PoorHuni - NTA - also agreeing that the baby mama just wanted to use you as free baby sitting when it was convenient for her. Doubling down on everyone telling you your boyfriend is a doink - you need to have a serious talk / serious think about how he and others have treated you about this. He presumably knows what the baby mama has been like / is like and for him to go off on you is not okay.

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It sucks that you did miss out on time with your potential step daughter - but you are completely justified in your reasoning for doing so... roisheen - NTA. OP, at 6 months of dating, people are still on their best behaviour (mostly). Imagine once he stops trying. 🚩

cantakerousgribbler - NTA Thirty minutes later, my BF, his ex, and several of our mutual friends are all blowing up my phone and social media calling me horrible Why are you dating a man who screams at you over his own child not being collected?

Surely it is his responsibility to arrange for chid care, leave aside the fact the crazy woman has threatened you with police if you are with her daughter?. Dump him and get a better partner. One who makes better choices in life would be a good start!

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sky665 - NTA the ex and BF both sound like the jerks here. (I'm assuming that BF was agreeing with EX in that you should have picked her up in the voicemail he left you?) Not sure why everyone would be so against you when EX has been so against you in the first place from the start?

How long have you been dating and how serious do you feel about this BF? I get that its his daughter but this wasn't like some emergency situation where she needed to be picked up by someone. This was just because EX got invited to a superbowl party??. Sorry to hear it hope things get better for you

bowwowwoofmeow - NTA. If someone told me they’d call the cops on me for just being alone with their child I would just block and run. No need to risk my reputation and livelihood for pure crazy. The boyfriend has also just shot a flare of a red flag though. You may want to confront him on that one.

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From slamming the ex’s hypocrisy to urging a boyfriend breakup, these comments are bold and blunt. But do they untangle the mess, or just knot it tighter?

This story of a refused babysitting gig reveals the chaos of clashing boundaries and shaky loyalties. The woman’s stand protected her from a risky situation, but her boyfriend’s betrayal cut deep. Was she wrong to say no, or was she dodging a setup? What would you do when faced with a toxic ex’s demands? Drop your stories and advice below—let’s unpack this blended-family mess!

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