AITA for not paying my stepbrothers tuition?

The phone call came like a bolt from the past, shattering the quiet life a 26-year-old woman had built. After losing her mother and being kicked out by her father at 18, she clawed her way through college, debt-free, and now funds her younger brother’s education—her only true family. But when her stepmother asked her to pay for her stepbrother’s college, old wounds tore open. Her firm “no” unleashed a barrage of accusations from her father’s and stepmother’s relatives, branding her as unfair for “playing favorites.”

Her story is a raw slice of family strife, where loyalty, hardship, and hard-earned money collide. Was her refusal a stand for fairness or a cold snub? Let’s dive into this tangled web of blended family drama, where past betrayals and present choices spark fiery debates over obligation and love.

‘AITA for not paying my stepbrothers tuition?’

9 years ago, when I (26F) was 17 and my brother (19M) was 10 our mother died after suffering for a long time due to chronic illness. Long story short, I got severe depression and my dad remarried within a year. I got along with my stepmother and my stepbrother (18M) quite well.

My dad kicked me out on my 18th birthday and my boyfriend took me in. I put myself through 4,5 years of college by having an almost fulltime job. After graduation I landed a managing job with insanely good salary and was able to pay the rest of my college debt and save a decent amount.

My brother is my everything since he is all family I have left. August 2019 he told me our dad is kicking him out to and my boyfriend and I took him in to live with us on 3 conditions: stay out of trouble, do some minor chores, keep up the good grades. He followed these rules and even got a part time job to help out with groceries.

He and I had no contact with out dad the whole time, just occasionally with our stepbrother who we consider a friend. When he started college last summer I said I would pay for it if he continues following the rules. He did and I paid. I'm incredibly proud of him because he is only getting As and doing really good.

Somehow dad, stepbrother and stepmother found out I was paying. Stepbrother is going to start college this summer and they can't afford it without taking on a huge debt. So stepmother called and asked poing blank if I would pay for stepbrother too. I said no.

I'm happy to pay for my brother, but I won't for my stepbrother. Since then, 4 days ago, this whole side of the family including aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc are calling me an ass for 'playing favours'. I'm going crazy over it because they won't stop after multiple NOs.. AITA?

Edit: to answer if stepbrother still lives with them. Yes he does, he turned 18 mid-november 2020.

Edit 2: the family calling me out now are all from my dad or my stepmother. My mother has no family left. Also, i reached out to them after I kicked out but they never answered. It's the first time the are reaching out to me..

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The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Family dynamics can sting like a fresh cut, and this woman’s refusal to fund her stepbrother’s tuition exposes the raw edges of blended family ties. Kicked out at 18, she built a successful life through grit, now supporting her brother, who faced the same rejection. Her stepmother’s request to pay for her stepbrother—still living with their parents—feels like a demand to rewrite history.

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The stepmother’s ask ignores the woman’s painful past: her father’s abandonment left her and her brother to fend for themselves. Dr. Joshua Coleman, an expert on family estrangement, notes, “When parents cut off children, they forfeit claims to their resources later.” The stepbrother, still supported at home, faces no such hardship, yet the family accuses her of favoritism. This reflects a broader issue: 30% of estranged adult children report pressure to support family despite past neglect, per a 2021 study.

Her choice to prioritize her brother, bonded by shared trauma, is rooted in loyalty, not spite. The family’s entitlement—expecting her money after years of silence—ignores her boundaries. Dr. Coleman advises, “Clear boundaries protect emotional and financial health in strained families.” She could offer non-financial support, like advice on scholarships, but funding college isn’t her duty. This story highlights the need for mutual respect in family ties.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit brought the fire, mixing empathy with sharp takes on this family drama. Here’s what the community said about her stand:

Spank_Cakes − NTA. Some nerve to toss you and your brother out the moment you turn 18, then turn around to ask you to support the other kid they don't want to bother with. Daddy dearest is a piece of work, from the sound of it.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Call them out for kicking out you and your brother and ask why this parenting suddenly showed up for your stepbrother. If your dad says s**t again tell him he should’ve been more frugal with his savings when his dumbass decided to have 2 kids and pick up a 3rd

and be enough of a b** to not affording sending a single one to college. Also, it’s your money, not theirs. Your family is going to b**ch and moan unless you cut their s**t from the get go. I mean really drive it in how little you care about their opinion

and how they have no say since they weren’t this outspoken when you got kicked out. Side note, I was in a similar situation and had nobody there to help me, so reading this made me really feel for you OP. Proud of you and hope you and your brother succeed with everything you do ❤️

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wind-river7 − NTA. They have a record of kicking you and your brother out of the family home. I suggest that your father and stepfather save themselves a bundle of money and kick out the stepson, since he is now 18 yrs old.

How ridiculous that they expect someone that they kicked out of their lives should finance the education of someone that they kept at home. Look at how much money that they saved over the years by throwing out teenagers at the age of 18. It's not your problem that they failed to save a dollar for stepbrother's education.

sour_lemons − NTA. What’s with all the people in this world thinking they’re entitled to other people’s money??? I honestly cannot wrap my head around it. Sounds like you lived with stepbrother for less than a year before being kicked out, if you’re not as close to him as your brother, your dad only has himself to thank for that. It’s only natural that you might favor your brother over your stepbrother.

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Also sounds like stepbrother hasn’t gotten kicked out yet and his parents are at least willing (if not able) to support him. There’s also nothing stopping him from doing what you did - getting a job and supporting himself. Where were all these family members when you got kicked out at 18 and had nowhere to go?? Why don’t they all chip in and pay for stepbrothers tuition if they’re so concerned?

perry649 − NTA. Since then, 4 days ago, this whole side of the family including aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc are calling me an ass for 'playing favours'. By splitting the cost of the stepbrother's college between all the people giving you a hard time, none of them should have to pay to much to cover all his needs.

OhPatsy − NTA. Your money, your choice.. You supported your biological brother which was a good thing to do. If family members are so upset about the tuition not being paid for stepbrother, tell them that they can put their hands in their pockets and pay for him.

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Squidjit89 − NTA, ask these people if your Dad still has dept left over from when he paid for your college tuition and f that's why he cant pay for step bro... when they say no say oh yeah cause he kicked me out of the house at 18 and hasn't talked to me since. Your family is your brother not the money hungry gits that are trying to guilt you now. Where were they when you were struggling?

MemeDealer2999 − Your relationship with your step brother is at best just friends. You have no obligation to pay for that s**t. Nta.. Edit: misspelled a word.

NYCMusicalMarathon − Since then, 4 days ago, this whole side of the family including aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc are calling me an ass for 'playing favours'. I'm going crazy over it because they won't stop after multiple NOs.. Looks like Grey Rock time. Looks like Low Contact time. Looks like NO CONTACT time. NTA

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Jeez the entitlement of these people. They kicked you and your brother out at 18, didn’t pay a penny towards your college and now expect you to pay for your stepbrother because they haven’t bothered saving? S**ew that. Your stepbrother will have to find his own way like you did. You owe these people absolutely nothing. It’s your money to spend how you like.

These Redditors didn’t hold back, but do their views capture the full story?

This woman’s stand is a fierce reminder that family isn’t just blood—it’s who shows up when it counts. Her refusal to fund her stepbrother’s tuition, while supporting her brother, draws a line forged by past betrayals. Was she right to hold firm, or should family help regardless of history? Blended families are a maze of loyalty and loss—how would you navigate this? Share your story below and let’s untangle it together.

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For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE] AITA for not paying my stepbrothers tuition?
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