AITA for not paying my (m54) daughter’s (f25) tuition?

A 54-year-old divorced father refused to pay college tuition for his 25-year-old daughter when she decided to return to school after dropping out years ago. He had always provided generously—child support, clothes, gadgets, trips—but emphasized work ethic and prestigious education. When she struggled academically and chose to work instead, a major argument led to estrangement.

Now living independently across the country and no-contact with her mother, she reached out asking for financial help to resume studies. He declined, viewing it as enabling irresponsibility at her age. His current wife and daughter call him an asshole, but he insists parenting responsibilities ended long ago. This request has reopened old wounds about love, money, and what support truly means in adulthood.

‘AITA for not paying my (m54) daughter’s (f25) tuition?’

The marriage ended early due to differing priorities, with the father focused on career success.

Custody arrangements placed the daughter primarily with her mother, while he provided materially.

College choices and performance led to confusion and eventual dropout.

Years later, an unexpected request for tuition reignited the conflict.

This case illustrates the pitfalls of transactional parenting, where material provision substitutes for emotional involvement. The father’s weekend-only presence and work focus likely limited deeper connection, while his emphasis on achievement may have added pressure. Her academic decline signals probable mental health struggles or burnout—common in high-achieving youth—yet he interpreted it as laziness, escalating to estrangement.

Some defend financial boundaries for adults, arguing enabling delays independence. Refusing aid can teach accountability, especially after prior opportunities. However, broader views highlight ongoing parental roles beyond legal obligations.

Many affluent parents support adult children’s education as investment in stability. Here, the long no-contact period and her independent survival suggest deep relational damage. Reconnection via money alone reinforces the ATM dynamic he resents, but outright refusal misses a chance to rebuild through conditional support and dialogue about past hurts.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Most users strongly criticized the poster, pointing to emotional neglect and dismissal of mental health issues.

Several highlighted the absence of emotional support and the father’s material-focused mindset.

One user sought more information to understand the decline.

This story centers on a fractured father-daughter relationship marked by material generosity but perceived emotional absence. Her academic struggles went unaddressed beyond frustration, leading to years apart—now she seeks help to restart, but he sees it as overstepping responsibility.

Does financial support for adult children ever remain a parental duty, or should it end at independence? How can money and love coexist in parenting without one overshadowing the other? Share your thoughts or similar family experiences below.