AITA for not paying for my girlfriend’s petrol after borrowing her car?

The hum of a car engine and the crunch of gravel under tires set the stage for a modern relationship hiccup that’s got Reddit buzzing. A 28-year-old man, juggling work and a car repair, borrows his girlfriend’s car, only to spark a fiery debate over a nearly empty gas tank. What seems like a small favor spirals into a clash of expectations, leaving readers wondering: is it about the petrol, or something deeper?

This tale of borrowed cars and breakfast bills captures the messiness of give-and-take in love. With the girlfriend standing firm and Reddit weighing in, the story pulls us into a relatable tug-of-war over fairness and respect, set against the backdrop of daily commutes and tight schedules. Let’s dive into the details and see where the road takes us.

‘AITA for not paying for my girlfriend’s petrol after borrowing her car?’

I (28/m) scheduled a garage appointment last week, on a weekday, to have my car's original suspension installed and change to winter tires. The garage I use is in my hometown and I work in the city, about 45 minutes away. Since my girlfriend (24/f) works from her apartment (we don't live together), I told her I would be taking her car.

On the evening before the garage appointment, I drop my car off at the garage after work, have my gf come and pick me up, drop her back off at her apartment and then I go home (We live around 7 minutes from eachother). Her car had around 3/4th of the tank full left of petrol.

The next day I drive the 45 minutes to work, and sit in traffic on the way back for around 1 hour 30-45 minutes and head to the garage to pay, since the garage closes at 5:00pm and it was already 4:45pm at that point. After, I pickup my gf and drive back to the garage to get my car.

As I'm walking away, my girlfriend pulls me aside and mentions how I've left her with less than a quarter of petrol and that she assumed I would at least fill it to where it was. I told her I didn't have time to stop at the gas station before paying at the garage since they closed. She mentions that I could have gone after, before picking her up.

At this point I'm annoyed, because I just want to go home after working all day, so I tell her I'll fill it during the weekend when she comes over.. Over the weekend I paid for breakfast as I usually do. On Sunday evening I mentioned that I'm going to go and put petrol in my own car and she asks about filling hers up.

I told her that I wouldn't be filling hers up, since I had paid for breakfast over the weekend. She points out that she also paid for our supper on the Friday, she bought ingredients and made me the cheesecake I asked for. I told her we take turns paying, and me paying for her breakfast was also me paying for her petrol.

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She then brought up that this was the second time in a row that I hadn't filled the petrol in her car after taking it for work, and that she wouldn't be 'allowing' me to take her car anymore when mine is in the garage. I laughed in her face and told her I would transfer her 10$ for the petrol if she was going to be so petty.

I didn't transfer her any money or put any petrol in her car. It ended up costing her 70$ to fill her tank, she did ask for the 10$ from me, but I told her if she asked again she would be paying for herself at the dinner date I planned this weekend. She says I'm an a**hole that doesn't fullfil his promises, I told her that I didn't promise her anything.

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Tl;dr like the title says, I borrowed my girlfriends car while mine was in the garage and didn't fill it up with petrol after, even though I had used the majority of the tank. She nagged me about it but I stood firm and didn't pay since I paid for breakfast over the weekend as I usually do.

This petrol predicament is more than a tank running low—it’s a snapshot of relationship dynamics gone awry. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, “Small gestures of respect build trust, while dismissiveness erodes it” . The OP’s refusal to refill the tank, paired with laughing off his girlfriend’s request, signals a lack of consideration that stings.

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The OP sees his breakfast payment as a fair trade, while his girlfriend views the petrol as a separate debt. This clash reflects a broader issue: mismatched expectations in partnerships. A 2021 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 68% of couples argue over financial fairness, often tied to perceived respect . Here, the OP’s entitlement—telling, not asking, to borrow the car—amplifies the tension.

Gottman’s research suggests that mutual respect hinges on acknowledging each other’s contributions. The girlfriend’s cooking and paying for dinner show her investment, yet the OP’s dismissive “I’ll pay later” and failure to follow through undermine her trust. A simple fix? Refill the tank or agree on shared costs upfront, ensuring both feel valued.

For couples facing similar spats, clear communication is key. Discuss expectations before borrowing anything, and follow through on promises. Small acts, like refilling a tank, can rebuild trust. The OP could apologize and cover the $70 to show goodwill, fostering a healthier give-and-take. Respect, after all, fuels stronger connections than any breakfast bill could.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of fiery roasts and sharp advice for our car-borrowing OP. The community’s takes are as lively as a tailgate party, with some users cheering the girlfriend’s stance and others waving red flags at the OP’s attitude. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

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cutlows − YTA - fuel is expensive. It's basic respect to refill the fuel if you borrow someone's vehicle. But everything you've typed here is kind of m**strous. You don't sound like you have any respect or affection for your partner at all. You told her you were taking HER car? Under what authority? I hope you stick to your guns so she dumps you sooner than later.

PrivateEyes2020 − YTA. Who cares if you paid for breakfast? That has absolutely nothing to do with you owing her money for petrol. She paid for dinner and the ingredients for cheesecake, which taken together, certainly cost more than breakfast (the cheapest meal of the day.) What a lame excuse to steal from her.

I bOugT yOU BrEaKFaST.. You used her gas, you replace the gas. Try not to be so much of an AH.. ...told her I was taking her car. (AH--you should have asked, not told.). ...laughed in her face. (AH--you stole the equivalent of 50 or more dollars from her and laughed).I just want to go home after working all day. (So what?

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Only an AH puts his comfort above paying his debts.). ...if SHE was going to be so petty. (I don't think she was the one being petty.).I didn't promise her anything (Besides, of course, promising to fill up her tank on the weekend, and promising to send her a measly $10.00). TDLR: You're a prime example of an a**hole.

[Reddit User] − Yikes, YTA. A lot of red flags here. You “told” her you’re taking her car. You didn’t ask? Yikes. You laughed in her face? Yikes. You only buy her breakfast to use that against her? Yikes.

Pristine_Fee6684 − YTA. “I laughed in her face” 🚩🚩. You took her car, used her gas. Fill it up or give her money it’s common decency.

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[Reddit User] − YTA Breakfast won’t get her around dude. Unless you told her “hey I will pay for breakfast for the gas I will be using” then no. If she doesn’t have the $ to refill her gas tank & you used it all, how does breakfast help her?

Betweentheminds − YTA. Using a lot of her fuel and not refilling it more than once - I’m not at all surprised she’s stopping you using her car in future. From your comments you sound incredibly entitled and disrespectful which has reinforced my judgement. You’re lucky you’re not her ex.. I also assume breakfast did not cost you $70

[Reddit User] − YTA. You clear don't like your girlfriend so why are you with her?

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LeadershipNo8193 − YTA 100%!! It seems like you don’t like having a gf, you like having someone to control. The language in your post is really terrifying. “I told her I’d be taking her car” “I told her I didn’t have time to stop” “I laughed in her face” Seriously you’re a good parents worst nightmare for their child.

Question OP, if your gf switched roles with you and she took your car, refused to fill it back up, then paid for something else (you both enjoy doing together) and saying “there is your gas money babe quit asking” how would you feel?? From the way you sound I know you wouldn’t take it as easy as your gf has. Relationships are about give and take.

Helping each other of course but being THANKFUL AND GRACIOUS for that support and help. You seem to think this give and take is all for your consumption while you do whatever to your gf even if it’s unfair rude or hurtful.. This screams entitlement and I really hope you change your ways before it’s too late.. YTA YTA YTA.

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Acceptable-Bell6214 − YTA. 'I told her I would be taking her car.' LOL. The least you could do was replace her petrol. That's what usually people do when they borrow someone's car. Unless, they're an a**hole.

MontEcola − The rule I grew up with says to always fill the tank AND buy the breakfast. The car owner/driver goes free. That is because the are paying other costs of the car. You used half a tank. Replace that and more. Fill her tank now, and you owe an apology plus another breakfast or four. YTA/

These Redditors tore into the OP’s logic, with many calling out his entitlement and lack of respect. Some saw the girlfriend’s car ban as a wake-up call, while others wondered if breakfast was his only currency. Do these hot takes nail the heart of the issue, or are they just revving up the drama?

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This story of a borrowed car and an empty tank reveals how quickly small oversights can spark big arguments. The OP’s refusal to refill the petrol, paired with his dismissive attitude, turned a simple favor into a relationship roadblock. Yet, it’s a chance to learn: clear communication and mutual respect can keep partnerships running smoothly. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation rolling.

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