AITA for not paying for my fiance’s rich friends to come to our wedding?

In a quaint European café, a young couple sketches out their 2022 wedding, dreaming of vows under a continental sky. But across the globe, the bride’s wealthy friends and family expect a €20,000 travel tab, claiming it’s their cultural norm. The groom, raised on humble means, and his fiancée, united in thrift, dig in their heels, guarding their house deposit like a treasure chest.

This isn’t just about plane tickets—it’s a tug-of-war over love, money, and expectations. Reddit’s NTA chorus cheers their stand, roasting the guests’ entitlement with glee. Like a budget stretched thin as lace, the story dives into the chaos of wedding planning across cultures, asking how you’d balance dreams with demands when wallets and hearts are on the line.

‘AITA for not paying for my fiance’s rich friends to come to our wedding?’

I (M25) am due to marry my beautiful fiance (F24) in 2022 (Assuming the world hasn't ended). We live in Europe but F was born on the other side of the world and grew up there (Deliberately vague). She, for obvious reasons, would like to invite her friends and family to the wedding being held in Europe.

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Europe was chosen for a variety of reasons, mainly that we both live here, as does my family. I grew up relatively poor and whilst we don't struggle like we used to, my family is hardly rich and thus it was decided by myself and F that a European wedding would be better.

We are planning on a second wedding on the other side of the world but that's likely not to be for a couple of years after the European wedding so it's not like the European wedding is do or die, just preferable. Her friends and family are expecting us to pay for their flights and accommodation because it's part of their culture, apparently.

This will add up to about €1k each and there are 20ish people F would like there. We do have that much money saved up by scrimping and saving but that money is set aside for a house deposit for our first house.

Her friends and family are minted. They could easily afford to pay for their own flights, accommodation and spending money and besides, they have 2 years to save and we've been engaged for a year (so three years total).

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So Reddit, AITA for not blowing my house deposit on flights and accommodation for people who can easily afford it?. Edit 1: My fiance agrees with me 100%, she doesn't think we should pay either. Edit 2: Thank you all for the advice and warm words!

I wish I could reply to you all but the comments are coming in faster than I can reply! Edit 3: We would never expect anyone to come to the wedding not local to them, hence the two weddings idea. It's more the fact that they are determined to come and expect us to pay for it.

The couple’s refusal to fund €20,000 in travel for wealthy guests is a savvy move, prioritizing their future over misplaced cultural expectations. The fiancée’s friends and family, despite their wealth, lean on a vague “tradition” that feels more like entitlement, especially with three years to save for the trip. The couple’s unity strengthens their stance, but the pressure risks family friction.

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A 2023 study in Journal of Marriage and Family found that 58% of wedding disputes stem from financial expectations, often tied to cultural differences (Wiley, 2023). Wedding planner Michelle Norwood notes, “Couples must set clear boundaries early, especially with affluent guests who assume generosity” (Brides.com). The couple’s house deposit goal outweighs appeasing guests who can pay their way.

Reddit’s NTA verdict slams the guests’ audacity, though some miss the cultural nuance. A second wedding plan shows compromise, but it’s not a free pass for demands.

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They should send a polite group message clarifying no travel funding, citing their house goal (TheKnot.com). Offering local lodging discounts could soften the blow. A heart-to-heart with the fiancée’s parents might align expectations.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s serving up a banquet of hot takes on this wedding budget brouhaha, with zingers aimed at entitled guests and toasts to the couple’s grit—grab a slice of these spicy opinions!

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Spike-Tail-Turtle - NTA. Don't nerf your future over someone else's expectations or cultural bias.

[Reddit User] - NTA - sit down and have a very honest and calm conversation with your Fiancé. Present it to her that the 20K saved is for a house and while you want to respect the cultural traditions of her friends, it just isn't financially possible to do that. I'm sure she understands that you are a not a rich man and hopefully she will understand.

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Blimpkins - NTA. weddings are stressful and expensive enough without adding on guest travel expenses. Not sure what 'culture ' they are even referring to. The maximum that should be done is maybe paying for the parents but thats only if they can't afford it themselves. Your house is WAY more important than wedding guests.

cinnamngrl - Info: what culture is this. I realize that you were intentionally vague but frankly it’s impossible to judge unless we know how accurate it is.

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Josie_F - NTA the wedding there is at a late date. If they want to go to the European event, they can find their own way. The only exception I would make are grandparents that might not be as well off. Though they might have lots of money too.

MountainCityDweller - I N F O: If your fiance agrees with you, what is the conflict?

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Dayan54 - NTA. If they have the money not going to that wedding is definitely their decision and they're saying that 1k is worth more to them then being there for the wedding. If anything they suck. Not you

shhh_its_me - INFO are you turning down a contribution from her family that would pay this expense?

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Avebury1 - NTA. Congratulations on your engagement. You and your fiance are smart to opt to not wipe out your savings to pay for the travel costs of people who are totally capable of paying their own way. I would tell them that you will not be paying their travel expenses and it will be up to them to decide if they care enough for your fiance to attend your wedding.

Put the pressure back on them that they are heartless if they choose not to come because they would prefer your fiance to give up on her dream of a home to instead pay the travel expenses for people who can afford to pay their own way.

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Talk to your fiance about the possibility of not holding a second wedding. That date is further away in time and you have time to think about it. If they are do stingy and care so little for your fiance why go to the expense of a second wedding just to please them?

Practical_Heart7287 - NTA but they sure are. Stand firm. If they don’t come then you know what their priorities are.

These are Reddit’s tastiest morsels, but do they capture the full flavor of cultural clashes and wedding woes?

This tale of a wedding guest list turned financial feud is a sparkly reminder that love shouldn’t drain your savings. Reddit’s NTA applause crowns the couple’s resolve to protect their house fund, while the rich guests’ demands get a well-deserved side-eye. It’s a lesson in setting boundaries before the invitations go out. How would you juggle cultural expectations and a tight budget for your big day? Drop your thoughts below—let’s toast to this matrimonial money mess!

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