AITA for not paying for camp for my son’s friend?

In a quiet suburban home, a mother’s secret generosity—funding summer camp for her son’s friend—soured when she learned he bullied her older son for being gay. Years of covering camp fees for Frankie, whose family struggled, ended when his cruel taunts targeted David.

The mother’s choice to halt the sponsorship, prioritizing her son’s safety, sparked debate as Frankie’s summer plans crumbled. This Reddit tale explores loyalty versus accountability. Was the mother right to cut off the bullying friend, or did she punish too harshly? Let’s dive into this family drama.

‘AITA for not paying for camp for my son’s friend?’

I have two sons David (16) and Shawn (14). David has always been quiet, didn't have a lot of friends, and is a perfectionist. Shawn is more laid back, easy-going, and doesn't let anything bother him. Shawn's best friend since they were little has been Frankie. About seven years ago, Frankie's father had a stroke.

He was left severely disabled and Frankie's mother Beth is now the sole earner for the family. With summer coming up, and knowing things were tough for the family, my husband and I arranged to pay to send Frankie to the same sleep away camp that we send our sons to. Save for 2020 when camp did not happen we have covered Frankie's summer camp every year.

David recently came out to us as gay. We of course accept and love our son, and he was very emotional. He revealed that there had been a great deal of bullying at school and Shawn and Frankie had been among the instigators. Frankie had asked David if we had figured out that he was a [slur] yet, made comments about him staring at other boys in the locker room, and told him he belonged in the girl's room.

When I confronted Shawn, he told me it was just playing around, it wasn't serious, and it was no big deal. I told him that his brother took it seriously, it was a big deal, and it was unacceptable. I've taken away his video games until the end of the school year, and grounded him for a month. He has since apologized to his brother.

I called Beth and told her what had happened. She was very dismissive. I told her that my son's sexuality was not a punchline and out of respect for his friendship with Shawn to have Frankie leave David alone. Beth replied that David made himself a target by being an overly sensitive tattletale.

I told her I didn't want to hear that Frankie had said another bad word about David. She said boys will be boys, they'll have to work it out, and she's not getting involved. The first deposit for camp was due this week and I made the decision not to sponsor Frankie.

I called the camp office and explained that due to bullying on Frankie's part I would not be paying for camp this year. Beth does not know that I've been sponsoring camp since Frankie was 7 as she is only told that an anonymous donor covered camp for him. The only people that know are me, my husband, and the camp office.

When I told my husband what I had done, he understood why but felt badly that Frankie wouldn't get to go and Shawn would be without his best friend at camp. He pointed out that Beth would have likely said something if she knew we were paying for camp, but I feel like that's missing the point.

ADVERTISEMENT

He shouldn't act that way because it's wrong, not because we pay for camp. There's no way that Beth can afford camp and it's likely going to affect her job to have Frankie at home during the day. I feel I made the right choice to protect my son but still feel guilty. Am I the a**hole?

Bullying over identity can leave deep scars, and this mother’s decision to stop funding Frankie’s camp reflects a fierce commitment to her son’s well-being. Frankie’s actions, compounded by his mother’s dismissal, crossed a line, undermining years of generosity. Beth’s “boys will be boys” excuse ignores the harm, while the mother’s choice prioritizes accountability.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Dorothy Espelage, a bullying prevention expert, states, “Bullying based on sexual orientation requires swift intervention to protect victims and correct behavior”. A 2023 report from the National Center for Education Statistics shows 43% of LGBTQ+ students face bullying, often with inadequate adult response. Beth’s inaction and Frankie’s unchecked behavior justify the mother’s stance.

Revealing the sponsorship to Beth might prompt reflection, but the mother’s anonymity preserved dignity. Counseling for Frankie and family mediation could address the bullying.

ADVERTISEMENT

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit’s response was a fiery blend of support and tough love, with users rallying behind the mother’s stand. Here’s what they said:

Affectionate_Ice_658 - NTA. I think you have to put your son first - can you imagine how he would feel if he found out you continued to sponser his bully to go to camp after you found out what he was doing? And do you really want this kid to go to camp with your son? His mother sounds as horrible as he is, I think it's time to cut the free ride off.

ADVERTISEMENT

Janetaz18 - NTA. But after what Shawn put his brother through, I wouldn’t be sending him either.

laffy4444 - it's likely going to affect her job to have Frankie at home during the day. So what? Boo-f**king-hoo. You're talking about the woman who said this to you:. Beth replied that David made himself a target by being an overly sensitive tattletale. Mom, you did great. You stood up for David and disciplined Shawn. Your husband should be ashamed of himself. NTA.

Ducky818 - NTA. Hell no! Frankie is a bully and his mother is enabling him by 'not getting involved.' It is not 'boys being boys.' He needs to be taught to treat others with respect and tolerance. You have gone above and beyond for Frankie and are not required to enable your son's bully by continuing to pay for summer camp for him. His being at home for the summer is his mother's problem, not yours.

ADVERTISEMENT

DarkAthena - NTA. Beth needs to get involved. Bullying is not “boys will be boys”. Aside from that, you have no obligation to sponsor a bully at a summer camp. For all you know, he’s been bullying people there since he was seven and this year, some kid will get to enjoy camp without being bullied.. Let Frankie meet Karma.

[Reddit User] - First, you have been so sweet to keep that donation private. People who quietly donate without fanfare are my heroes. And no, NTA for not wanting to do this because he is helping to bully your gay son. Thanks so much for being a great Mom. Wonderful parents seem to be too few and far in between. David is so lucky to have you.

parishilton2 - NTA. Camp was a privilege, not a right. Perhaps it would be good for Beth to know that you were paying and have stopped doing so because of her son’s actions. I think Frankie should understand the natural consequences of his bullying.

ADVERTISEMENT

throwawaydate9876 - NTA. She made her bed by dismissing you when you called fo talk fo her about as adults. She could have apologized and taught her son to be better. Instead she blamed your son, the victim of h**ophobic bullying. You were super classy to anonymously sponsor him all these years. You don’t need to keep doing it after this

jayclaw97 - When I told my husband what I had done, he understood why but get badly that Frankie wouldn’t get to go and Shawn would be without his best friend at camp.. Easy fix: Don’t let Shawn attend camp either.. NTA.

Ok_Year5200 - NTA. Why on earth should you continue to pay? Because he’s such a nice boy? Frankie’s an AH, it’s no tragedy that he doesn’t get to go off to camp and enjoy being an AH some more. His mom’s an AH too. Please update regarding the fall out when they find out there’s no anonymous donation this year!

ADVERTISEMENT

These Redditors brought passion, but do their calls for consequences oversimplify the fallout for Frankie’s family?

This story of a mother ending a secret act of charity to shield her son from bullying highlights the tough choices parents face. Her refusal to fund Frankie’s camp was a stand for David’s safety, but it leaves Frankie’s summer uncertain. What would you do if a child you supported turned on your own—would you cut them off? Share your thoughts or experiences—how do you weigh compassion against accountability?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *