AITA for not paying for another wedding for my daughter after she blamed me for her first one getting ruined?

Imagine a wedding day, the air thick with anticipation, flowers blooming in vibrant bursts, and guests buzzing with joy—until a sudden tragedy stops everything in its tracks. A father, torn between grief and guilt, faces an impossible choice: fund another lavish wedding for his daughter or draw a line after a devastating loss. This Reddit post lays bare a family’s raw emotions, with a daughter’s dream day shattered and a father grappling with the aftermath. The story, steeped in heartache, raises questions about obligation, family ties, and healing.

The weight of the daughter’s anger and the father’s sorrow hangs heavy, pulling readers into a tangle of complex family dynamics. It’s a tale where no one escapes unscathed, and the Reddit community’s reactions only deepen the debate. Was the father wrong to stand his ground, or is the daughter’s demand for a redo justified? Let’s unpack this emotional saga.

‘AITA for not paying for another wedding for my daughter after she blamed me for her first one getting ruined?’

I paid a large part of my daughter's wedding. This included venue and catering. Unfortunately during the wedding, my stepson passed away from a health issue. It was a very traumatizing situation and almost all the guests left before my daughter could walk down the aisle.

My daughter did end up getting married privately and only my ex and my mother were there to witness it. I was at the hospital. I'm still not really mentally recovered from the situation and I'm also dealing with a lot of guilt over what happened.

My daughter was never close to her stepbrother and is angry that I even made her invite him.. She now wants me to pay for another redo wedding. I feel terrible but I don't feel comfortable spending another 25-30k. And I don't even know how to talk to my wife about potentially paying again.. AITA if I say no?

This wedding-day tragedy reveals a family fractured by unspoken tensions. The father’s insistence on inviting his stepson, against his daughter’s wishes, set the stage for heartbreak. “Family conflicts often stem from unaddressed boundaries,” says Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, in a Psychology Today article. Her work notes that 60% of family disputes arise from mismatched expectations, as seen here with the daughter’s resentment and the father’s guilt.

The daughter’s anger is understandable—she lost her moment due to a guest she didn’t want. Yet, her demand for a $25-30k redo overlooks her father’s grief and financial strain. The father, meanwhile, feels cornered, his trauma compounded by guilt over “ruining” her day. Both are stuck in their pain, unable to bridge the gap.

This reflects broader issues of blended family dynamics. A 2022 study in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that 45% of blended families face loyalty conflicts. Forcing the stepson’s inclusion likely deepened the daughter’s sense of neglect, especially if she already felt sidelined.

Dr. Heitler advises “collaborative problem-solving” to mend rifts. The father could propose a modest celebration, like a vow renewal, focusing on key moments like walking her down the aisle. Open dialogue about their mutual pain could rebuild trust.

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit hive mind didn’t hold back, dishing out raw opinions with a side of sympathy and shade. Here’s what they had to say—brace for some tough love.

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mrputter99 − Info: why didn’t she want to invite step bro and why did you make her?

Sweet_Cauliflower459 − Info: why did she not want to invite your stepson? And why did every single person leave the wedding except for like two or three people? Did you go to the front of the wedding hall and make a grand announcement that your son had passed away and that you were going to leave?

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I'm just trying to figure it out because I've been to many weddings where I didn't really know the bride or groom's family that well. So unless someone specifically said out loud that the wedding was canceled then I don't understand why almost every single person left it?

Least_You_295 − I think YTA because this seems like an over simplification of some very complex family dynamics.. My daughter was never close to her stepbrother and is angry that I even made her invite him.

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[Reddit User] − I’m gonna be downvoted to hell, but I think this is an ESH. You shouldn’t have made her invite her step brother to her own wedding. If you had just respected her wishes, this situation wouldn’t even be happening.

She’s unreasonable to ask for another 25-30k for a wedding, but I do think you still should chip in some money for another wedding. What happened was very tragic, but it still WAS your fault. Her wedding DID get ruined by someone she didn’t even like.. You put yourself in this position, find a compromise or deal with a fall-out. Your choice.

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unicorndreamer23 − I mean I even doubt op can actually even pay back a fraction of his initial funding .... but like why are y'alls getting so pressed over daughter's reaction???

if daughter had to be damn near forced ( and I'm sure the $$$ was factored into that decision, and that person literally passed away and tarnished all the GOOD memories from that day, wouldn't anyone feel angry and frustrated?

edit: like I doubt daughter is being like 'stepbro tried to sabotage me by dying in my wedding!!!!' but more like 'I was forced to invite someone I hated ( hated yes cause she didn't want to invite him even though it would ruffle a lot of feathers) and then he goes and passes away during my wedding, do I not deserve a normal wedding day'

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edit 2: no matter what i think of the actions to be taken by op/daughter .... i can brainstorm ZERO ideas to get to the relationship pre-wedding. the biggest mistake here is actually demanding stepbro get invited when daughter had NO relationship with him. sounds harsh but looking back ... that would be the only good option that keeps relationships intact

forreal_dude − INFO: is she right to blame you? If she didn't want to invite her stepbrother because he has known health issues/active addiction, and you forced her hand, she kind of has a point. The fact that you've been dodging this question tips the scale against your favor.

RideTheWindForever − YTA. After reading your answers it was clear that your stepson was in fragile health. Due to his illnesses he had already been much of the focus of your life at the expense of your daughter.

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You should have respected your daughter's wishes not to include him. However, you did not and a tragedy happened. While terrible and sad, I completely understand her wanting you to make it up to her.

aniang − Info:. Why didn't she want to invite him?

_ewan_ − is angry that I even made her invite him.. Well did you? Because if you did, YTA at that exact point regardless of anything else.

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AffectionateTruth147 − First off, I’m sorry for your loss. What a horrible situation. Look, you would not be the a**hole if you were to flat out say no. A tragedy happened. I don’t agree with everyone saying that your daughter should just get over it though.

While not as nearly as horrible as a death, what happened to her must have been traumatizing in it’s own right. She’s probably very upset right now and not acting rationally. There has to be some compromise between another large wedding while you are grieving and not celebrating her at all.

Find out what aspects she is most upset about missing (likely having you there and walking her down the aisle is one) and see how you can make this happen after you have had a chance to grieve. While you would be in the right to do nothing, it seems like it could ruin your relationship with your daughter which you have said you do not want.

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These hot takes spark a question: are the Redditors seeing the full picture, or are they too quick to judge?

This heart-wrenching story shows how tragedy can ripple through a family, turning joy into conflict. The father’s grief clashes with his daughter’s desire for a do-over, leaving both at odds. A compromise, rooted in empathy and open talk, could mend their bond. What would you do if you were caught between honoring a loss and fulfilling a loved one’s dream? Drop your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep this conversation alive.

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