AITA for not paying for 17 people at a restaurant?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a young graduate, fresh from college, stepping into a swanky restaurant with family, expecting a celebratory dinner. The mood is light, laughter flows, until the bill lands like a anvil. A Reddit user, just 23, found himself in this exact bind when his mother’s side of the family—17 strong—assumed he’d foot a bill in the thousands, calling it a “surprise party” for his graduation. His refusal to pay, backed by his grandfather’s sensible stand, ignited a family feud.

The tension crackled as accusations of selfishness flew, with relatives demanding he “be a man” and pay up. Despite leaving $200 to soften the blow, he faced angry calls and visits, leaving him questioning his choice. This saga of family expectations and financial ambushes draws readers into a tale of loyalty tested by greed.

‘AITA for not paying for 17 people at a restaurant?’

I (23 M) Recently graduated college and got a job. My family (everyone from my moms side) invited me out to eat at a restaurant. It was a pretty expensive place, but I agreed. We all talked and were having a pretty good time until we got the bill.

I asked for separate bills so I could pay for mine and our grandfathers (He is an elderly man so it is fair that I pay for his meal). The family all looked at me like I was a thief. I asked what was up an my aunt replies 'Oh you could do us the courteously of paying for our meals'.

The bill was somewhere in the thousands. I am the only member of my moms side of the family who went and graduated from college. So family was using the excuse 'We threw you a surprise party so the least you could do is pay'. Grandfather confused told them no. I am fine with paying for a bill that's in my budget range.

I would have paid for everyone otherwise, but the bill was in the thousands. Family did not even look through the prices before ordering. Grandfather tried explaining that it was their problem. We argued back in forth.

They kept suggesting I pay for their meals and they would pay me back. I told them about all the money they owe me. After about 2 minutes the argument went nowhere. I was called selfish because they are family and I was turning against them. I called the waiter, paid for mine and my grandfathers meal and left with him.

But I left them $200 to help cover. Instead of using it towards the bill aunt pocketed it and spent it on alcohol and cigarettes after leaving. Most of them brought their own money so they could pay. I was getting angry calls and visits saying I should have just been a man and paid.. AITA

Family dinners should foster connection, not financial traps. The Reddit user’s refusal to pay a massive bill for 17 relatives stemmed from their audacious assumption that his new job meant he owed them a free meal. Their “surprise party” excuse and insistence on repayment promises reveal a pattern of entitlement, while his decision to cover only his and his grandfather’s meals was a stand for fairness.

This situation reflects broader issues of family financial dynamics. A 2022 survey by the National Financial Educators Council (NFEC) found that 65% of young adults face pressure to financially support family, often straining their budgets. The family’s ambush mirrors this, exploiting the user’s success without regard for his limits.

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Dr. Brad Klontz, a financial psychologist, notes, “Family money conflicts often arise from unspoken expectations. Setting clear boundaries is key to preserving relationships” (Brad Klontz’s Website). Here, the user’s firm stance protected his finances but strained ties. His relatives’ misuse of the $200 he left underscores their irresponsibility.

To navigate this, the user could limit future interactions to low-cost settings and communicate budget constraints upfront. His family should reflect on their entitlement and respect his boundaries. Honest discussions about financial expectations can prevent such conflicts, ensuring family ties don’t fray over money.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit squad rolled in with pitchforks and applause, ready to roast the family’s scheme. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

AffectionateOwl5824 − NTA. They didn't throw you a surprise party. They threw you a shakedown.

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Kris_Third_Account − NTA (neither is your grandfather, who took your side). We threw you a surprise party so the least you could do is pay. What the f**k kind of logic is this?

Haylz19 − NTA, stop giving these people money! They are leeches, they invited YOU to dinner racked up the bill and expected you to pay?! That's disgusting.

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Only have contact with your Grandfather moving forward. To hell with the rest, they are using you and don't care about you.

Unique-Calligrapher8 − NTA and if anything they should have paid for you since they invited you. Seriously what is wrong with people. Glad your grandfather stood up for you - at least he sounds sensible.

RDT64 − NTA! They wanna know how you could do this to family just reply that you must not be family, since they had no problem doing this to you, then NC the lot. PS: I had something like this happen to me with some family that I used to do a lot for, transport, fixing things, computer work, etc.

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They threw a very nice thank you dinner for me but just before the bill came they dined and dashed, leaving me to pay up $1300. The only finger I've lifted for them since has been the middle.

ProfEmerita − NTA. You were rightfully opposed to being used. And they ambushed you! Keep the relationship with your grandfather (he sounds great), but drop the rest of them--they're users. They will always have their hands out.. Funny about their claims of 'but family!' mean they expect to use you and expect you to like it.

[Reddit User] − NTA, unless you are stupendously wealthy in your own right or there is some kind of cultural expectation there. Where I live in the UK, the traditional rule is that the person who does the inviting chooses the restaurant and pays.

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stacity − NTA. Props to your grandfather for calling out bull crap. The rest of the family tricked you under the pretense of a surprise party for you when they actually wanted to put a fast one on you. Never accept they’re invitation again (unless it’s at McDonald’s for their value deal) since they’re only proud of your money.

He_Who_Is_Right_ − NTA. If *they* threw you a party, then *they* pay for that party. Otherwise, it is just you throwing you a party, and you didn't agree to do that.. And, also, they would not have paid you back. Ever.

tipareth1978 − NTA - get ready to cut these people out of your life. Dangerous combo of A. Thinking you're rich because you just graduated college and B. Thinking you should cover them because you're somehow better off. Honestly they sound like the kind of people who visit and afterward you find out they stole light bulbs and pens from you.

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Redditors branded the family as leeches, praising the user and his grandfather for standing firm. Some shared similar stories of being ambushed, while others urged cutting contact. These fiery takes raise a question: do they capture the full mess, or are they just fanning the flames?

This restaurant rumble shows how family celebrations can mask ulterior motives. The Reddit user’s refusal to bankroll a lavish meal preserved his wallet but cost him family goodwill, exposing their sense of entitlement. Navigating financial boundaries with loved ones is a tightrope walk, especially when success breeds expectations. Have you ever faced a similar family money trap? What would you do if relatives expected you to pay for their extravagance? Drop your thoughts below!

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