AITA for not making a vegetarian alternative for my wife?

The kitchen was alive with the sizzle of pans and the aroma of roasted vegetables, but tension simmered beneath the cozy scene. For ten years, Sarah had been the culinary maestro of her household, whipping up meals that delighted her wife, Emma, and their loved ones. But when Emma embraced vegetarianism, only to waver at restaurants, Sarah faced a dilemma. At a family dinner, her refusal to craft a vegetarian main dish sparked a fiery spat, leaving plates untouched and feelings raw.

This clash over a meaty main course isn’t just about food—it’s about communication, compromise, and the unspoken expectations in a decade-long marriage. Readers can’t help but wonder: was Sarah wrong to stand her ground, or was Emma’s reaction a recipe for disaster? Let’s dive into this savory saga and unpack the flavors of their conflict.

‘AITA for not making a vegetarian alternative for my wife?’

I(35f) have been with my wife(34f) for about 10 years. We get along great, and we usually don't have any issues with anything. Ever since we moved in together, I have done most of the cooking. She'll bake cookies or something occasionally but I honestly can't remember the last time she baked an actual meal.

Which is fine, I enjoy cooking and have no problem with the arrangement. In return she does a lot of the cleaning of the house(I do clean up after myself in the kitchen). About 6 months ago, she decided she wanted to be a vegetarian. I supported her and didn't make meals with meat in them,

and if I did I left it out and only added it to my portion of the meal(like if I made omelettes I'd only add meat to mine). I did this for about 3 or 4 months. Then she started eating meat again. When we went out to a restaurant or got takeout because I didn't feel like cooking, she'd get a steak or fish. But she wouldn't eat anything I made with meat in it, or anything I made that touched meat.

I honestly was hurt as she would eat something from a restaurant but not something extremely similar that I made. She's never said anything about the food I make being bad and no one has ever said my food is not good. I make a lot of the food for family gatherings and stuff and everyone loves it. My nieces who are 5 and 7 eat the food I make, and they're extremely picky.

A week ago we were with her family and I made all the food. I made a main dish with meat, and then also some vegetables and rolls. The main dish would be completely different without meat and so I didn't make some without meat. When I put the food on the table she asked if there was anything that didn't have meat.

I told her there were vegetables and rolls. She seemed upset and asked me if I expected her to just eat that for a dinner and that it wasn't nearly enough. I basically said I wasn't going to make a whole new main dish just for her and that she could eat the meal with the meat or not eat it, but I wasn't making anything else.

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She got pissed and said that I had offered to make food and that I should make something everyone could eat. I told her that I made the dish because it was her fathers birthday and he had requested it. She told me that if I wasn't going to accommodate her and make something else for her I should just leave.

So I left. I called a someone to pick me up and went back to the house. She's been avoiding me since and not eating at the same time as me( she'll either eat leftovers or just make something else, but eat either later or earlier).. Was I the a**hole to make something non-vegetarian and not provide and vegetarian alternative of a main dish?

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Edit. I read a lot of the comments last night. This morning I sat her down and talked to her about it. She said that the specific type of meat I get(not that it's bad), it makes her feel somewhat sick. So she'll start coming when I go get meat so I can avoid getting anything that may make her sick. Thanks to everyone who responded to the post.

Navigating dietary differences in a relationship can feel like walking a tightrope. Sarah’s frustration is palpable—she supported Emma’s vegetarian phase but felt blindsided by her wife’s inconsistent choices. According to Psychology Today, “clear communication is the cornerstone of resolving conflicts in partnerships.” Emma’s selective meat-eating—indulging at restaurants but rejecting Sarah’s home-cooked meat dishes—suggests a deeper issue, perhaps tied to taste or emotional associations with home cooking.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Small, consistent efforts to understand your partner’s needs build trust” (The Gottman Institute). Emma’s flip-flopping on vegetarianism, coupled with her demand for a tailored dish at her father’s birthday dinner, may reflect unexpressed preferences. Sarah’s decision to prioritize her father-in-law’s request was reasonable, but her abrupt exit escalated the tension. Both could benefit from discussing Emma’s dietary boundaries openly.

This situation mirrors broader issues of compromise in relationships. A 2022 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 68% of couples face conflicts over household roles, like cooking or cleaning. Sarah’s role as the primary cook may amplify her sense of unappreciated effort, especially when Emma dismissed her dishes. The couple’s post-conflict talk, where Emma revealed certain meats made her feel sick, shows progress but highlights the need for earlier dialogue.

To move forward, Sarah and Emma should establish clear expectations—perhaps agreeing on meat choices together, as they’ve now planned. Couples therapist Esther Perel suggests, “Conflict is an opportunity to grow closer if approached with curiosity” (Esther Perel’s blog). By addressing Emma’s sensitivities and Sarah’s hurt, they can rebuild trust. Readers can learn from this: open conversations prevent small misunderstandings from boiling over into bigger fights.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade for Sarah’s kitchen standoff. Their takes range from cheering her on to questioning the couple’s communication skills. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

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roguednow − NTA but why have you never talked to her about this? You shouldn’t have ‘picked’ a family dinner for this issue to rise, and I think you knew it would.. Also, so she’s a vegetarian-at-will?

Potato_times_potato − ESH. Honestly it's a little strange that you didn't mention it to her beforehand, it kindof seems like you used this opportunity to call out your wife's flexible vegetarianism rather than talk about how you felt one on one beforehand. Generally it's up to the person with the restrictions to make sure they're accommodated for but I don't think this realistically should extend to partners.

Your wifes flipflopping around what she can and can't eat is pretty irritating. Plus telling you to accommodate her or leave was incredibly rude. For a couple who have known each other 10 years you don't seem to know how to talk to each other.. Edit: Thank you so much for my awards. Really made me smile.

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walnutisgoo00 − Your wife is t-a for making you leave the family dinner- how was everyone else ok with this?. She is also t-a for not being a vegetarian anymore & yet demanding that you cook veg for her,. You are NTA.

Still_Last_in_Line − So...she eats meat, just not YOUR meat (lol), and only when it suits her to not eat meat.. NTA. If there's something about they way you prepare meat, or the specific type of meat you use that she doesn't like, then she should communicate that and maybe work out a compromise.

However, she's a full grown adult...she can eat the parts of the meal she likes, or find herself something else to eat if she's not going to eat what you made. Actually...that's what I expect most kids to do too after about age 10.

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magicpancake0992 − NTA. It was a birthday meal and you made what her dad asked for. (Which was very nice). She really shouldn’t have made a scene at his birthday dinner. She wasn’t going to starve to death.. So she still eats meat when she goes out to a restaurant but not at home?

soul_and_fire − NTA, I want to say. being a vegetarian is a commitment, and it sounds like your wife only wants to commit when it’s inconvenient for you. oftentimes, food/eating issues stem from other things, so it’s likely this isn’t about the meat. I was vegetarian for almost 10 years, and there is no way I would’ve eaten meat in a restaurant, as far as I’m concerned if you eat meat you aren’t a vegetarian. period.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your wife is awful picky for soemone that can’t even cook their own food, and is clearly NOT a vegetarian. Also, there was food she could eat. Vegetarians often only eat sides at large gatherings…. Which is usually fruits and vegetables anyway… so what’s the problem!?!?

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MeaninglessRambles − I’m a bit confused but going with NTA. Either she is vegetarian or she’s not (I say this as someone who has been a vegetarian for nearly 20 years). You don’t just pick and choose when it’s convenient. If she’ll eat meat while out, then it’s ridiculous to expect you to continue making meat free portions.

I would honestly tell her that if she wants to commit to vegetarianism then you’re fully willing to continue making food for her, but if she is going to keep eating meat whenever it’s convenient then you’re not putting in the extra work.

Novel_Ad_7318 − INFO: Did you ever ask her about the difference between at-home and outside? I'd be rather curious about it. Maybe she has issues with the reality of meat at home or because of ethical sources presumed in certain restaurants? I mean, eating \_less\_ meat isn't a bad stance, but it seems a bit odd. NTA for sure, I am just really curious.

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EvocativeEnigma − NTA - If she's flip flopping back and forth, she doesn't get to be upset with you not making a vegetarian dish, when she's not exactly sticking to a vegetarian diet. Also, the dish was requested by HER father for his birthday, and she's mad you complied with his wishes? She's being selfish.

These Redditors rallied behind Sarah’s cooking efforts or called out Emma’s inconsistent vegetarianism, with some wondering if deeper issues simmer beneath. But do these hot takes capture the full flavor of the story, or are they just stirring the pot?

Sarah and Emma’s clash over a vegetarian dish reveals how quickly miscommunication can turn a shared meal into a battleground. Their story reminds us that relationships thrive on clarity and compromise, especially when personal choices like diet come into play. By talking it out, they’re on the path to smoother dinners. What would you do if you found yourself caught between a partner’s expectations and your own limits? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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