AITA for not letting someone I bullied think I’m doing bad in life?

In a cozy bookstore cafe, the aroma of fresh coffee mingles with the weight of a past mistake. A woman, now 20-something and far from her mean-girl days, faces a ghost from elementary school: Kristy, a former classmate she once cruelly bullied. Kristy’s cold glare and sharp words unearth old guilt, accusing her of an undeserved good life. Refusing to hide her success as the shop’s owner, the woman stands her ground, sparking a raw confrontation that leaves readers wondering: can you outrun your past?

This Reddit tale dives into a clash of remorse and unresolved pain. The woman, once part of a vicious clique, has rebuilt herself, but Kristy’s wounds linger. The encounter, charged with emotion, raises questions about accountability, forgiveness, and whether growth can ever fully mend old scars.

‘AITA for not letting someone I bullied think I’m doing bad in life?’

Here’s some backstory, I’ve always been thin. When I was in 4th and 5th grade, I was in a clique of your typical mean girls. We were all thin and pretty or at least the boys made us feel like that. We were very popular ar among the boys. This made us really mean. We were arrogant assholes who thought the world revolved around us.

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There was this girl named Kristy ( not real name) who was on the heavier side and we weren’t the nicest to her. We used to make fun of her and exclude her from things even made other people exclude her. The boys used to pretend to like her and make fun of her when she admitted she liked them. We made her school life really hard.

Ik that. Eventually, we all went to middle school and I went to a private school with an advanced program so I was no longer hanging out with the clique. Kristy did go to middle school with them but I hadn’t heard anything since. I went through middle school and got my act together.

Grew out of the mean girl phase and got some decent friends. I went on to graduate college and open my book store/ cafe. I hadn’t even thought of my elementary school friends or Kristy in many years. Until about a week ago, that is. My book store isn’t really busy so usually it’s just me and one other person there.

I run the cash register and the coffee orders. The other person is in the kitchen. We had a group of women come in about my age. I was friendly but one of the them was cold and rude straight off the bat. If you work customer service, it’s normal so I brushed it off. I look pretty similar to how I did in elementary.

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My face hasn’t really changed. I’ve gotten taller and puberty happened. Once it was time for them to get the check, the rude women came up and to pay and told me , “ guess karma does exist “. I was confused and asked what she meant. She was like bullies usually get away with their actions but looks like you weren’t very successful.

She told me I bullied her in elementary school and that my friends continued to do so in middle school. My heart dropped once I realized this was Kristy. I apologized for how I treated her and told her it wasn’t fair she suffered through that . I even offered to comp their bill.

Kristy said no to the comp but wanted to speak to my manager or owner so they could know what kind of person they hired. I told her I was the owner and that again I was very sorry. She flipped out after I told her this. She said she went to years of therapy to help her self esteem.

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She suffered through most of her teens and to this day had trust issue in her relationships. She was screaming that bullies shouldn’t succeed and that I didn’t deserve a good life. Her friends triedd to get her to leave once she flipped out.

They tried to apologize because they didn’t know me but I told them it was fine and that the bill was on me. My cook came out and was threatening to call the cops because Kristy looked like she would get violent but I told him it was fine. eventually the group managed to get her out.

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I closed my shop for the rest or the day. I was shaken and I just wasn’t in the right mind set to be there. Now Aita for not getting someone else to pretend to be Manager and let Kristy think I failed in life?. Edit: yes, the cook got paid the full day. So do not be concerned

Edit #2: a lot of you have been asking what the bullying was. So I’ll be clear we never laid a hand on her. A lot of it was name calling, all about her being fat. We’d get rest of the class to wear a certain color for a day and have everyone tell her a different thing so she’d be the only not included. We’d make pig noises when she talked.

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Or just ignore her and the other kids would join until she cried. If we knew a boy liked one of us, we’d have them pretend to like her and then make her cry to show how much they liked us. When she was running, we’d pretend there was an earth quake. I remember all these things. I don’t enjoy it. I don’t recall it laughing. It’s not a fun memory.

This story stings like a paper cut—small but sharp, exposing the lasting sting of childhood bullying. The woman’s refusal to play down her success wasn’t defiance; it was honesty in the face of Kristy’s pain. According to Psychology Today, bullying can leave deep psychological scars, with 20-40% of victims experiencing low self-esteem into adulthood. Kristy’s outburst reflects this, her trauma fueling a desire to see her former tormentor diminished.

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The woman’s past actions—name-calling, exclusion, and cruel pranks—were undeniably vicious. Yet her remorse and changed life show growth. Dr. Dan Olweus, a bullying research pioneer, notes, “Acknowledging harm and showing genuine remorse are critical for reconciliation” (Bullying Prevention). Here, the woman’s apology was sincere, but Kristy’s pain runs too deep to accept it, highlighting a common rift: victims may need more than apologies to heal.

This encounter mirrors a broader issue: bullying’s long-term impact. A National Institute of Health study found 30% of bullied children face trust issues in relationships, as Kristy described. Her attempt to “expose” the woman suggests a need for justice, but targeting her job was misguided. The woman’s choice to own her success, not hide it, aligns with accountability—she’s not erasing her past but living beyond it.

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For resolution, the woman can continue showing remorse through actions, perhaps supporting anti-bullying initiatives. Kristy could benefit from renewed therapy to process her anger, as Olweus suggests, focusing on empowerment rather than revenge. Both parties, and readers, can reflect on how growth and forgiveness intersect, fostering healing without dismissing past harm.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit squad rolled in with a mix of empathy and real talk, dissecting this messy reunion with gusto. They weighed the woman’s past cruelty against her present remorse, while grappling with Kristy’s raw pain. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

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OlyNorse − No. You were honest. I feel sorry for her and you. Your younger self was an a**hole but people are allowed to change and sounds like you changed for the better. Sounds like you mean girls really did a number on that girl. Just keep being a better person as you seem to be doing.

[Reddit User] − You didn’t have any choice, she asked to see the manager and the manager was you. It’s horrible that she has a lot of lingering trauma from her childhood, but you didn’t do anything wrong in this situation.

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GoldenGoof19 − NTA. People are allowed, and encouraged, to learn and grow. I’m sorry for what she went through, and it sucks so much that she hasn’t fully healed from that. But… she wanted to speak to a manager to try to get you, an adult, fired for something you did in elementary school… that doesn’t say good things about who she is as a person now…

I was bullied, and I ran into one of my bullies when she was working retail for a large chain. She checked my stuff out for me. I knew who she was, but I pretended not to and interacted with her the exact same way I always interact with anyone helping me. Asked how her day was, thanked her, wished her a good day and moved on.

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Because a) working customer service isn’t a bad thing, b) I have no idea what’s going on in her life and no desire to make things worse for her if she was going through something, and c) why would I show someone who hurt me that they’re still affecting my life now? The one thing I’d be VERY worried about is if she might try to harm you or your business.

I’d check all the review sites to see if strange reviews pop up. I’d write down the date and time this happened, what happened, and if you have security footage I’d save it somewhere just in case. If you have security cameras and an alarm, cool. If you don’t have them on the inside and the outside of your store then I’d consider getting them.

hi_hola_salut − You and your friends were really mentally cruel to her. Sounds like your old friends kept it up. I’m glad you understand what you did and feel bad. To her, it really isn’t fair that the people who ruined her life are now having a great life. I get that.

I also get that people change. It’s a shame that she is not doing better, despite the therapy. Not much you can do but feel remorseful for your part in her bullying. I wish we could slap little bullies round the head and let them see the long term damage they do to their victims. It might save a lot of heartache.

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You didn’t need to lie to make her feel better. You had no idea she would freak out like that on you. She should’ve continued to give you the cold shoulder and not stooped to trying to get you in trouble at your work. That was low of her.. NTAH

Carolinamama2015 − NTA, I think it's wonderful how you owned your meanness. I won't refer to it as a mistake cause bullying is never a mistake you and your then friends chose to hurt her. But you did own up to it and change. You apologized granted many years too late, but at least you tried.

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She obviously has some mental scars that have not gone away and may never. I think you handled it with grace while she did not cause if you weren't the owner, she may have spun the story to make you still sound horrible and could have gotten you fired.

boxermama21 − NTA in this particular instance. But, “This made us really mean”. No, you being popular didn’t make you mean, you chose to be mean. Most ppl are AHs at some point in their life but this statement makes me wonder if you’re actually holding yourself accountable for your actions.

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Adventurous-Brain-36 − Holy s**t, you guys were monsters.

Muchcaterpillars − I don’t understand why she thought you working as a cashier was such an own. Maybe the heat of the moment but like…that’s more telling of how she views all people in that position which doesn’t give her a good image IMO

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She didn’t have to engage like at all…she just wanted to try and rub it in your face like some sort of revenge and didn’t get it. Of course your growing up and learning that wasn’t okay doesn’t change the past and she also doesn’t have to accept your apology. But she only hurt herself more by trying to get you to grovel or react to her words lol

She kind of stooped to the bully behavior to try and make you feel bad which also makes her a bully? Especially trying to go after your job?? Excuse me?. Anyway NTA It was a small moment that you could do only so much to try to right the past even tho it wouldn’t take pain away from years but her attitude was ugly

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[Reddit User] − NTA For this event, but like. You and your friends were animals when you were kids. Like this goes beyond your regular bullying into 'make someone kill themselves' territory.' It's good that you realized you did bad s**t and changed who you were but maybe don't post about someone who's clearly not mentally doing well and your bullying was a direct cause.

Loreo1964 − I am that girl. I know how she feels. Everyone can say she shouldn't have acted like that but she did exactly what we all say we would do if we had the chance.. I bumped into someone on Facebook that was a neighborhood girl. So I called her.. ' Who are you with these days? '. ' Remember Jay Wagner? I'm living with him.

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We've been together for years.' He and his brother tortured me. And I told her that. I said you're kidding. They were awful to me in highschool. They were relentless. She said something to him and he denied it. I said goodbye and hung up. Bullies suck and effect your whole life. Therapy isn't a cure-all.

These Redditors didn’t mince words, cheering the woman’s growth but wincing at Kristy’s scars. Some saw Kristy’s outburst as petty; others felt her pain justified her anger. But do these hot takes capture the full weight of their clash, or just fan the flames?

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This bookstore showdown lays bare how childhood cruelty can echo for years, leaving both bully and victim wrestling with their past. The woman’s honesty about her success was no crime, but Kristy’s pain demands empathy, not erasure. Reddit leans toward forgiveness for growth, yet the wounds linger. Can an apology ever bridge such a divide, or do some scars run too deep? What would you do if your past mistakes walked through your door?

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