AITA for not letting our daughter move back home?

Jonathan Hours
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The cozy family home, once filled with the chatter of three kids, now echoes with tension. Three years ago, the eldest daughter, 25, spread her wings, moving out with her boyfriend to chase independence. But when a landlord’s 40% rent hike crushed their budget, her plan to crash with her boyfriend’s parents fell apart, leaving her scrambling. Her plea to move back home for six months was met with a parental ultimatum: pay market rent or figure it out.

Now, she’s squeezed into a two-bedroom apartment with six strangers, some “sketchy,” and calls home have dwindled. Her parents stand by their tough-love stance, but at what cost? This tale of soaring rents and strained family bonds dives into the heart of parental support versus adult responsibility.

‘AITA for not letting our daughter move back home?’

A skyrocketing rental market and a daughter’s desperate plea set the stage for a family showdown. Here’s the parents’ story, straight from Reddit:

My husband and I have 3 children (25f)(16m)(13f). Our oldest moved out 3 years ago with her boyfriend, and got an appartment. They were together 4 years before that, so it wasn't like she ran off with some guy she just met. We supported her decision, she was old enough and working full time.

The issue is rent in our area has more than doubled on average since. Their landlord raised the rent 40% in the span of 3 months, and they couldn't afford to stay there anymore. The issue is they weren't exactly swimming in cash before that, they don't really have enough for first last and security with the market, not that there's much to but anyway in their price range.

Their plan was to move in with her boyfriends parents for a few months while they figured stuff out and saved up, but they won't let her come with. So they proposed an idea, she'd move back in with us, him with his parents, and they'd save up and be gone in 6 months tops. The issue is me and my husband don't feel that's appropriate.

She's an adult now, and she needs to learn to take care of herself, not relying on handouts from her parents. She offered to pay rent, but we would only do that if she agreed to pay the market average plus her share of utilities, which would mean she couldn't save up like she wants to.

Because we aren't doing that, she's been force to share a 2 bed appartment with 6 other people, some of whom she finds 'sketchy'. I feel for her, but I still think it's her responsibility. At this point she doesn't call much anymore and I'm worried this may have impacted our relationship.

A 40% rent hike turned this daughter’s stable life upside down, but her parents’ refusal to offer a temporary haven has left her in a precarious spot. Their insistence on market-rate rent, despite her offer to contribute, prioritizes a lesson in independence over family support. The daughter’s now in a crowded, potentially unsafe living situation, and the silence on her end suggests a fractured bond.

This reflects a broader economic struggle: a 2024 Zillow report notes U.S. rents rose 31% from 2019 to 2023, outpacing wage growth for 60% of renters (Source). The parents’ stance, while rooted in fostering responsibility, overlooks these market realities.

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Family therapist Dr. John Gottman emphasizes, “Support in tough times builds family trust, even for adult children” (Source). The parents’ hardline approach risks long-term estrangement, especially since the daughter showed responsibility with her job and plan.

A compromise—like below-market rent or shared chores—could balance support and independence. Open dialogue might repair the rift.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit didn’t hold back, dishing out fiery takes on this family feud. From accusations of abandonment to pleas for empathy, the community weighed in with passion:

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DamnGoodOwls − YTA. Seriously? Your daughter is an adult, but she's still your daughter? She's not relying on handouts. She's offered to pay rent. You're really gonna charge her the market average to live at home? She even gave you a timeline. I think you're being unreasonable.

You completely acknowledge that she was screwed over, but yet you're willing to let her struggle when you presumably have the space?. There's wanting for her to learn to be an adult, and there's being unreasonable jerks.

essres − YTA. She's sharing a 2 bed apartment with 6 strangers? How the hell does that work? You think you're teaching her a life lesson. What you're actually doing is abandoning your child and exposing her to her to harm. Worst parent ever.

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TheEuphoricTribble − You acknowledge that your daughter's landlord screwed her...then paint the blame on her for not being responsible enough...then ask if that makes you the a**hole. Honestly, it is obvious why you are asking, youre trying to justify your positon you can't even with yourself. But you still aksed, so let me give you the answer you already clearly know yourself.

YTA. Market inflation is pushing us rapidly towards a recession. The landlord wanted more money to combat that. That screwed over your daughter...and she and her boyfriend found two doors waiting for them back home.. Good luck on damage control. If she brings you any grandkids, you'll need it.

BVLawrite − 'I fear this ruined our relationship'. It did. Congrats. Hopefully your other children wise up and see your cruelty here. Maybe you can still have something with them.. YTA.

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embadx − Hope you and your husband don't need help when you're old!. YTA.

Monster_condom_ − If there is ever a day when my son can't come to me for some help, or I can't go to my parents for help... We aren't family anymore. Presuming you have the ability to house her for 6 months, from the sounds of it you do as she was previously living there.... And the rent? Who cares? Why even charge her rent? Sure, make her pay for her share of the utilities and food...

Set rules on visitation and what not of you want, but why not help? It's really sounding like you are doing everything you can so that your own child doesn't succeed. It sounds like you need to sit down and take a long hard think on what you want out of life. The road you are treading is a lonely one.. YTA.

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GermanGigaDepp1987 − YTA. Your daughter seems to be a very responsible woman. She moved out after being together with her partner for over 4 years and has a fulltime job to support her own family and to live home. How is it her fault that the rent went up by 40%? What is it you think she could have done to avoid that? Asking her boss to give her a raise about the same amount? Never gonna happen.

Now she is desperate and trying very hard to find a solution to her problem. And until she can be on her own feet again she is asking you for help. From your description she really tried hard to find another solution to her problem first and you seem to be the last resort. Sorry, but in my opinion you are a massive A. You even want her to pay the market value for the rent?

How is she ever getting on her own feet again if you behave like that. Of course you are not a charity but I am sure that she would be willing to help you out with her siblings and helping you at the house to keep it clean.

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You are only asking if you are the A because you already think you are and you are searching for someone to back you up on your decision.. If I where your daugther I probably wouldn't talk to you at all anymore.

MrJeanPoutine − At this point she doesn't call much anymore and I'm worried this may have impacted our relationship.. I wonder why?!. YTA.

SarcasmandWool − YTA - don't 'think' you ruined your relationship; know it. You absolutely destroyed it. She needed you. She needed her family. She offered to pay rent and you, like ever landlord in the area wanted to bleed her dry.

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Just know this, when you don't get an invite to her wedding or your grandkids don't know who you are, it's not her being petty, it's because if people can't support us at our worst then they sure as heck don't deserve us at our best. She probably feels alone and betrayed and you, her mother, made her feel that way. Congratulations, you taught her not to rely on you. Worth it?

Chuck_Chicken − WOW! YTA! She’s trying to make it in the world and just needs a support from her parents for a while. You’re actually standing by while she shares a 2 bed apartment with 6 potentially sketchy people??? She’s 25! She might legally be an adult but she is young! I feel so bad for her that her parents are so unreasonable and unsupportive. I hope she stays safe!

These Reddit opinions are raw and real, but do they capture the full complexity of this rent-driven rift? Are the parents teaching a lesson or pushing their daughter away?

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This story of sky-high rents and a locked family door exposes the messy line between tough love and tough luck. The parents wanted their daughter to stand on her own, but at the cost of her safety and their bond. Should they have opened their home or held firm? If your adult child needed help, how would you balance support and independence? Share your thoughts and let’s unpack this family drama!

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