AITA for not letting my wife start a restaurant?

Imagine a cozy life, cushioned by a generous inheritance, where a 35-year-old couple savors a decade of marriage without the grind of 9-to-5s. For six years, they’ve thrived on smart investments—our guy dabbles in painting and codes a video game, feeling fulfilled in his creative nook. But his wife, a stellar cook, stirs with restlessness, craving a purpose beyond their comfy routine. Her dream? A restaurant, buzzing with plates and passion. He, however, sees a recipe for disaster—high costs, slim profits, and endless toil threatening their financial nest egg.

The kitchen heats up when he shuts down her idea, suggesting a hair salon or online jewelry store instead. She’s crushed, accusing him of stifling her dreams; he counters that she’d need her own funds. Insensitive or prudent? The stakes are sizzling, and Reddit’s ready to dish out opinions—let’s dig into this financial and emotional feast!

‘AITA for not letting my wife start a restaurant?’

My wife and I have been married for 10 years now, and we are both 35. My parents both passed young, and left me their inheritance. This has meant that neither my wife or I has had to work for ~6 years now. With proper investing and spending habits we can go until the ends of our lives like this.

My wife seems to feel... a bit unfulfilled. Needing something to do. I started painting and coding my own video game in my spare time, but she seems to want something else. She wants to start a business. Now in general I don’t mind her starting a business. But she wants to start a restaurant.

Now restaurants are high cost, high risk, low margin businesses, that require tons of work to make profitable. Not something ideal for our situation. When she first brought up the idea I shot it down, and said maybe something different.

A hair salon or something (just a random idea). Or an online jewelry store. She has her heart set on a restaurant. I said no when she brought it up again, and she accused me of stifling her.

I basically said when she can come up with the money to start it and run it completely on her own without using money from our planned savings she can do it. She called me insensitive. Was it insensitive? Edit: she has never worked in a restaurant, but does love to cook and is very good at it, for all those asking.

Blocking a spouse’s restaurant dream sounds like a cold splash on a hot stove, but this husband’s caution has merit. After 10 years of marriage, he’s guarding their inheritance-fueled lifestyle, while his wife, unfulfilled, hungers to cook for the masses. She’s a whiz in the kitchen but lacks restaurant experience—a risky combo. He’s not anti-business, just anti-disaster, nudging her toward safer ventures. Her “stifling” charge stings, yet his line in the sand—fund it yourself—aims to protect their shared future.

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Restaurants are a tough bite to chew. A 2023 National Restaurant Association report notes 60% of new eateries fold within a year, 80% by year five, with tight margins and grueling hours (source ). Dr. Howard Cannon, a restaurant consultant, warns, “The industry demands expertise; without it, you’re cooking up debt, not success” (source).

Cannon’s insight fits here: no experience, no safety net—her passion could burn through their savings. A compromise? Suggest she test the waters—work in a restaurant, take a culinary business course, or start small with catering. Protect the nest egg, but fan her flame: explore food trucks or pop-ups with her own funds.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit rushed in like hungry diners, piling plates high with spicy takes and a pinch of wisdom—here’s the raw feedback, served fresh and feisty!

Not_Cleaver − NTA - Starting a restaurant is a great way to go bankrupt and deep in debt. I’m sure there is something that she can do with food as a side business.

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agirlhasnoscreenname − NTA. 60% of new restaurants fail within their first year of operation. 80% fail within five years. Owning a restaurant is NOT for amateurs. Unless she has extensive experience in front of house management and executive chef experience (i.e. management experience as a chef), she needs to check herself before she wrecks you both.

darkdarkerdarkness − NTA. Hi! (Former) restaurant owner here!. This, sir, is the hill you want to die on. I’ve worked in restaurants for 20+ years. I just recently closed down my first (and last) restaurant. It operated for three years (and in this industry, that’s basically a success, believe it or not.)

We had a massive insta/Facebook following, and over 500 5 star reviews on google/yelp/Facebook. We would go on 2+ hour waits on Friday and Saturday nights. To most people that would seem successful, right? We still closed.

Restaurants require more work than most sane people are willing to give, and very rarely see any profit. Even with all of our goodwill, we still weren’t profitable enough to support staying open. I worked 60-70 hours a week, and I got paid only if everybody else was already paid and we still had some money left over.

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I would suggest that if her passion is cooking then she should try culinary school. There she will acquire skill & experience in the industry to see if this is actually what she wants to do. She would also take classes in business management through the culinary program that will explain in excruciating detail how hard it is to run in restaurant.. Good luck!

dauphineep − NTA. Suggest she work full time in a small (not chain) restaurant and use her earnings to come up with 75% of the downpayment, savings can bankroll the rest. I think she’ll find just how hard working in a restaurant is and change her mind.

Allesmoeglichee − NTA. Starting a restaurant is one of the dumbest business decisions one can make. Especially with no prior experiences...

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logdrum − NAH, but she needs to spend a few year’s working every job-dishwasher, server, host, bartender, prep cook, line cook, F & B manager, accountant etc, before she can truly make an informed decision. Oh, and come up with a solid business plan. The failure rate for independent restaurants is disheartening. Restaurant failure rate

AmberAtkins11122 − INFO- does she have any restaurant experience, managerial, ect? It’s a rough business. She’s going to go from nothing to working 6-7 days a week, holidays ect.

CheruthCutestory − NTA My cousin’s restaurant failed recently. He is such a talented cook. He worked in the business his whole life. Had connections for good prices on supplies and equipment. And it was really popular. He really did it right. But the margins are so tight. And then just a couple of unplanned events destroyed it.

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But my extended family as a whole sunk hundreds of thousands of dollars in it to keep it afloat. And failed. Not one person in the family sunk their life savings in or anything. But it’s a hit.. Don’t do it!! It’s a money blackhole.

On top of that when he was doing it it was draining. No days off when you are the boss. There is always an emergency in the restaurant business. People call out, not enough of something was ordered, equipment fails.

It’s as emotionally draining as it is financially. When my cousin’s failed he was devastated but I think a small part of him might have been relieved too.. If she wants to do it she needs to not use your combined money.

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irisshadow − NTA There’s an unbelievable amount of minutiae involved with being a business owner. If she has never worked full-time at a restaurant AND managed a restaurant, she’s not ready.

teresajs − NTA She can start a restaurant... with her own money. Because a restaurant is a terrible investment and you're not willing to risk your principal assets on a risky investment, especially when you're dependent upon the passive income from your investments to pay your bills.

If your wife is unfulfilled, she should get a paying job. It would also be a good idea for her to build work experience in case the marriage ever failed and she needed to support herself (without your inheritance, which is presumably premarital assets to which she has no claim).

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These Reddit bites sizzle with truth and caution, but do they dish out the full flavor of this couple’s conundrum?

This tale of a restaurant dream deferred cooks up a hearty mix: a wife’s quest for purpose, a husband’s shield of caution, and a legacy on the line. He’s not wrong—restaurants can gobble savings like a ravenous guest—but her hurt over feeling stifled lingers like a stubborn grease stain. Reddit leans toward pragmatism, yet a sprinkle of compromise might save the meal. Could a smaller food venture or a stint in the industry test her chops without scorching their future? What would you do—plate up support or guard the pantry? Toss your thoughts, recipes, or tales below—let’s savor this one together!

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