AITA for not letting my wife leave the country with our new baby?

Imagine a cozy nursery, the soft glow of a nightlight casting shadows on a crib, where a new mother’s grief collides with a father’s frustration. This Reddit tale unfolds with raw emotion, as a couple navigates the delicate balance of love, loss, and family ties. A new baby girl, named after her late grandmother, becomes the heart of a dispute that’s tearing a young family apart. Let’s dive into this poignant story with a sprinkle of humor and a lot of empathy.

At its core, this is a story of a grieving mother’s desperate wish to honor her late mother and a father’s fight to keep his family close. The wife’s insistence on taking their newborn to her mother’s grave in Africa—without her husband—has sparked a heated standoff. With family tensions rising and Reddit weighing in, let’s explore this emotional tug-of-war.

‘AITA for not letting my wife leave the country with our new baby?’

My wife and I have just had a baby and my wife won’t let my parents see the baby until her mother does. My wife and her mum used to be very close but three months into the pregnancy her mother passed away. It was very sudden but peaceful and in her sleep.

My wife was devastated which was to be expected because they would talk all the time about the baby and how excited they were. The issues started closer to the delivery date. My wife and my mum are close as well (obviously not as close as she is with her own mother) and so she had invited my mum to be in the delivery room with her.

When her mother died she told my mum that she didn’t think it was fair if she was there when her own mother couldn’t be. My mum was understanding and so was I. Then she said she wanted to name the baby after her mother if it was a girl. Her mother had a very unique but pretty name so I gave into that demand as well.

Now we have had the baby, it’s a girl and I love my daughter so much. I am so proud of my wife for going through this even after the loss she faced. Now this is the issue, my side of the family has been trying to meet the baby and my wife won’t allow it. She says her mother has to meet the baby first. What she means by this is that she wants to take the baby to visit her mothers grave.

This wouldn’t be a big deal if her mother was buried in our country. My wife’s family is African and so when her mother died she flew the body back and had her buried in her home country because that’s what her mother wanted. Due to Covid and the healing process my wife won’t be able to travel with the baby for the next 3 to 6 months at least.

This means that my family won’t meet my child until she is almost a year old when they live just 30 minutes away. I tried to explain to my wife how absurd and unfair this demand is but she said what’s unfair is that my family will have the rest of their lives with our daughter while her mother will likely only meet the baby once

ADVERTISEMENT

because the flight is expensive and long and she doesn’t go back to Africa often (once every 5-7 years). I told her that with the way she was acting, I didn’t trust her to take the baby out of the country especially because she won’t let me go with them. She says this is between three generations of women in her family and that she just wants to spend time with her mum and her daughter.

When I implied I wouldn’t let her leave with the baby she blew up at me, called me an a**hole and said she would divorce me if I ever tried to control her like that again. I love my family and I know she’s grieving but I would be lying if I said I was comfortable with the situation so, AITA?

ADVERTISEMENT

This couple’s clash feels like a storm brewing in a teacup—small but fiercely emotional. The wife’s refusal to let her husband’s family meet their newborn until she visits her mother’s grave abroad is rooted in profound grief. Yet, it sidelines her husband’s rights as a co-parent and his family’s longing to bond with the baby. This tension highlights the challenge of honoring personal loss while maintaining shared responsibilities.

Dr. Pauline Boss, an expert on ambiguous loss, explains, “Grief can freeze people in a state where they prioritize the lost over the living, creating family rifts” (Psychology Today). The wife’s focus on her late mother’s memory may reflect unresolved grief, possibly intensified by postpartum challenges. Her demand to travel alone with the baby raises valid concerns about her mental state and the child’s safety.

ADVERTISEMENT

A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association notes that 15-20% of new mothers experience postpartum depression, which can amplify grief and distort decision-making (APA). The wife’s isolation of the baby from her husband’s family suggests a need for professional support to navigate her loss.

For solutions, the husband could gently encourage therapy, framing it as support for her grief rather than criticism. Couples counseling could help them align on co-parenting decisions. In the meantime, he’s within his rights to insist his family meets the baby locally, ensuring legal steps (like passport restrictions) to prevent unilateral travel.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit rolled in like a chorus of concerned neighbors, offering advice as sharp as a well-aimed dart. Here’s what the community had to say:

Kari-kateora − NTA, but OP, holy hell. It sounds like your wife has PPD. Please get her seen by a doctor. This isn't a time to judge her, it's a time to help her. Asap.

ADVERTISEMENT

capmanor1755 − NTA but man you need to get some serious help... 1) Ask her OB for a referral for postpartum depression care from a therapist. Between grieving and being postpartum she needs some real support. 2) I really really hope this is overkill but i would visit a family lawyer and get clear about what you would need to do to prevent her from traveling alone with the baby.

I would be concerned that she's hurting more than she's letting on and that she would stay in the country with your daughter. The state department has a method for preventing parents from traveling without permission of the other parent.. 3) Find a couples counselor and start going. Her refusal to let your family visit the baby isn't reasonable.

strikingfirefly − NTA. Your wife is grieving and that's understandable, but she's gone over the line of what is reasonable for grieving. Telling her she can't leave the country with the baby (without you!)

ADVERTISEMENT

is also not a matter of controlling *her*, it's a matter of not letting her make a unilateral decision about a child the two of you *share*. She can do whatever she wants. She can't just decide to do whatever she wants with a shared child. Maybe a therapist could help here? I don't really see this being something you're able to just solve on your own.

camlaw63 − NTA—your wife need serious professional help. Take your daughter and bring her to meet your family. NOW—Do not allow your daughter to get a passport.

Dry_Dragonfruit_4191 − NTA What your wife is wanting to do is entirely selfish. Yes, she is the baby's mother, but she has excluded you in all of this. This is only about her wants. She needs to grieve; she has to do so before hopping on a plane with the baby. She could get there and just not want to come back. She isn't wanting you to be a part of anything at this point and it's concerning.

ADVERTISEMENT

She is a flight risk who is trying to control things (not you trying to control her). You are thinking about the overall wellbeing of your child, while she is thinking in an emotional state while grieving. When we are grieving, we tend to not make rational decisions.

I'd talk to a lawyer and see what could be done to protect her from leaving the country with the child until she is in a better place mentally. She should get the chance to take her daughter to see her mother (at her grave site) but only when she is in a healthy place of mind to do so.

panic_bread − NAH. Your wife seems to be suffering from some mental health issues and probably postpartum depression. You should get her medical care immediately. In the meantime, of course you should have your family meet the baby.

ADVERTISEMENT

Your wife doesn’t get to say no to that. You also should not allow your wife to take the baby to Africa without you ever. But also, babies shouldn’t be on planes until they are at least a year old.

MPKH − NTA. She’s obviously still grieving. She should see a therapist about all this if she hasn’t already. She’s punishing your family because her mother isn’t here to experience this new milestone with her. While I think it’s sentimental and appropriate to name your kid after her mother, it’s not right that she insists on prioritizing her deceased mother over your family.

It’s not wrong for her to want her mother to be a part of your kid’s life, but the way she’s going about it is wrong. Also, if flying to Africa is an infrequent endeavour, would it not be a more meaningful trip if your daughter can appreciate and remember meeting her maternal grandma?

ADVERTISEMENT

I don’t know where you are, but some countries, upon departure, will require a consent letter from the non traveling parent stating that it is okay for the traveling parent to travel with the kid. Some countries may require this upon arrival.

Ducky818 − NTA.. I understand your wife is grieving but what she is asking for is unreasonable. If you are in the US, she cannot take the child outside of the country without you being there or a notarized document where you authorize her to take the minor child outside of the US (usually includes destination & travel dates).

hillarystarbright − You’re NTA but your wife needs some help.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − Well…I would suggest a compromise. Tell your wife that your bonds with your parents are as strong as hers to her mother and that the baby WILL meet your family ASAP. Tell her you support her going to Africa but that you want to go with her to pay your respects to her mother, and that you won’t get in her way beyond that.

Also, it sounds like you might benefit from individual and couples’ counseling. You and she need to be able to communicate more effectively and it sounds like she could use some guidance on her grieving.. NAH.

These Reddit takes are heartfelt and fiery, but do they capture the full complexity of grief and parenting, or are they just stirring the pot?

ADVERTISEMENT

This story of a grieving mother, a protective father, and a newborn caught in the middle leaves us wrestling with questions of fairness and empathy. The father’s refusal to let his wife take their baby abroad is a stand for his family’s rights, but it risks escalating her pain. How would you navigate this emotional minefield? Share your thoughts or experiences—what would you do to balance grief with family harmony?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *