Aita for not letting my sister see her kids?

In a quiet home, two young children faced a heartbreaking reunion: their mother, once familiar, now a stranger clouded by addiction. Their guardian, a young adult in their early twenties, stood at a crossroads—protect the kids or preserve their mother’s fragile ties. After a visit where the kids barely recognized her, the choice was clear but gut-wrenching: no more visits until she’s clean.

This Reddit tale captures the weight of safeguarding children while navigating family guilt. It’s a story of love, sacrifice, and the courage to prioritize young hearts over adult struggles. With a touch of humor to lighten the load, we dive into this emotional saga, exploring how one young guardian became a shield for two kids caught in addiction’s shadow.

‘Aita for not letting my sister see her kids?’

I have full custody of my nephew(10) and niece (9). I have recently decided it would be best for her children not to see her due to the last visit they had together where she came to the visit her children high and her children could barley recognize her they didn't even wanna give her a hug and when i was driving them home my nephew said 'that wasn't my mom, she kinda looks like her but she acts,looks and smells different'.

I asked them if they'd wanna see her again and both of them said maybe when she gets better. Now I'm young in my early twenties with no children of my own and I honestly worked my ass of to get custody of their children, which was harder because everyone thought I was too young, I made it my goal to protect them and put them before my husband, myself and everything else.

As much as it hurted me to send my sister a message saying she's no longer allowed around her children until she's off drugs, i felt like i had to do it for my niece and nephew. She send me a message saying I don't know what I'm doing, I'm still young and that I'm trying to steal her children from me, that I'm jealous of her and all types of stuff like that.

My mom thinks that I'm not doing the right thing, that the children deserve a connection with their mom and that seeing the children will help my sister as well and that my sister is trying her best, that I made things worst for her.. I'm honestly not sure if I made an mistake.. Am i the a**hole of not allowing my sister to see her children

This heart-wrenching situation underscores the toll of addiction on families. As Dr. Gabor Maté, an addiction expert, states, “Addiction is not a choice but a response to pain, and recovery requires compassion, not judgment” . The OP’s sister’s drug use has visibly harmed her children, who felt unsafe during her visit. OP’s decision to halt visits prioritizes the kids’ emotional safety, a choice backed by their own words.

The sister’s accusations of jealousy reflect deflection, common in addiction, as noted in a 2022 Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment study emphasizes that children exposed to parental substance abuse face higher risks of trauma.

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OP’s youth doesn’t diminish their responsibility. Their choice aligns with protecting the kids’ well-being, as Child Welfare suggests guardians prioritize stability. Advice? OP should maintain firm boundaries but offer support, like sharing resources from Al-Anon for family members of addicts. The sister needs professional help, not access to kids, to recover. OP can reassure the children their mother is loved but needs to heal.

For readers, this story prompts reflection: balancing family ties with child safety is tough but necessary. Open communication with the kids, as OP did, fosters trust. Supporting recovery without compromising safety is key.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crew rolled in with fierce support, tossing wit and wisdom like confetti. From calling the kids “not support animals” to slamming the mother’s deflections, they backed OP’s tough call. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

JemimaAslana − NTA Those kids are not your sister's support animals. She can see them, when she's in a condition the kids will not be frightened or put off by.

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[Reddit User] − NTA Generally when an addict tells you you're an AH for not giving them what they want, the addict is spouting nonsense. She's had her children removed by CPS and is now telling you that you're jealous and don't know what you're doing

My mom thinks that I'm not doing the right thing, that the children deserve a connection with their mom and that seeing the children will help my sister as well and that my sister is trying her best, that I made things worst for her.

The children deserve a connection with a healthy stable mother. They do not deserve to be exposed to a mother who is constantly high, and they do not deserve to be used as tools to help an adult women recover Not to mention the children have already voiced their opinion. That doesn't get bulldozed so that they can be used as pawns to help your sister

EffectiveStatus7 − Your mom is very much wrong. Seeing their mom on drugs will only harm the kids that you fought so hard to get custody of to protect. You're **NTA**.

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Kaito-Jin − NTA the kids even said that she wasn’t herself and said they wanted to see her when she gets better. No you are totally not the a**hole here. The kids apparently didn’t feel comfortable being around her so you shouldn’t force them.

MountainCityDweller − NTA. You have full custody of your nephew and niece because you have been deemed the responsible party. So do the responsible thing, and protect the kids. If she wants to be around the children, she needs to prove that she is going to be a positive influence.

Bubbly-Manufacturer − NTA sounds like you’re a better guardian to them than their bio mom.

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HarmnMac − NTA...Children aren't rehab

Oracle85 − NTA.. I asked them if they'd wanna see her again and both of them said maybe when she gets better. Not only are you doing what you believe is the correct thing but you also took the children's opinions into account as well. If even they recognize that spending time with their mother while she is high is harmful then it's shocking to me that your mother can't see that as well.

FriendlyWorldliness2 − NTA. The children deserve someone they come first to.

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DblAytch − NTA You were given custody to \*protect\* them from the dangers their mother was exposing them to with her d**g use. The kids haven't said 'never again', they said 'when she's better'. Sis needs to focus on her wellness rather what she can get away with in regards to her family.

These Redditors didn’t mince words, cheering OP’s protective instincts while shading the sister’s choices. But do their spicy takes cover the full story, or just stoke the fire?

This tale of a young guardian’s stand shows love sometimes means saying no. OP’s choice to shield their niece and nephew from harm, even at the cost of family tension, speaks to fierce devotion. As the sister battles addiction, the kids’ safety remains paramount. Have you ever had to make a tough call to protect someone you love? Share your experiences below—let’s keep this heartfelt conversation going!

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