AITA for not letting my sister move in and “kicking her when she’s already down”?

In a modest home buzzing with the hum of remote work, a 32-year-old woman faces a family showdown that’s as old as sibling rivalry itself. Her younger sister, once the golden child of their struggling single-parent household, now stands at her doorstep, jobless and desperate, demanding to upend the household’s harmony. With a history of sharp words and superiority, the sister’s plea to move in—complete with audacious terms—ignites a firestorm of resentment and tough choices.

This Reddit saga unfolds like a tense family reunion, where past sacrifices collide with present boundaries. The OP’s decision to stand her ground stirs up guilt, old wounds, and questions of fairness. Readers are left wondering: is saying “no” to family a betrayal, or a stand for self-respect? Let’s unpack this drama.

‘AITA for not letting my sister move in and “kicking her when she’s already down”?’

I (32F) have a sister (31F) who has always thought highly of herself amongst our family. Growing up, she’s always belittled us, especially our single mom, calling her “an i**ot” (Mom made several poor financial decisions back then), which caused my mom a lot of grief and made her cry on multiple occasions. She has also always scorned me since I did not finish my college degree.

When I was 20, mom lost her full-time job and was only able to get part-time work. I chose to put my degree on hold and help my mom with family expenses so my sister can get through art school and my brother can finish high school and go to college. After finishing art school, my sister has since distanced herself from our family. (We do get occasional phone calls)

Due to COVID, my brother (25M) came to live with me so both of us can save on costs. He’s occupying my spare room, and we turned the living room into an office, since we’re both working from home. We split the costs 70:30, since I earn a bit more than him. We have built a comfortable and respectful dynamic during these past few months.

Where I might be TA: My sister lost her job 3mos. ago due to COVID. Because of that, she couldn’t keep up with her house payments and moved into a small rental. She found out little bro was living with me. She said that she also wanted to move in but take the room he’s using, and kick him out to my living room sofa bed.

On top of that, she said to split the cost of living as 50(me):30(bro):20(her). She said that’s all she could afford right now. When we 3 talked about it, he said he’s fine moving to the sofa bed, as long as she do the majority of the chores while she’s looking for work. They got into an argument because sis didn’t want that, and insisted that we get equal amount of chores.

I tried to mediate at first, saying that if she wants equal chores, she should be the one sleeping on the sofa bed since she’d technically be paying less than him. But she’s saying that we’re both being unfair because she’s unemployed and can’t pay more than that.

ADVERTISEMENT

I rolled my eyes at her and snapped: “Wow, so nice of you to talk about equality, when you’ve always been so conceited. Looks like the tides have turned.” She burst into tears and called me a b**ch for kicking her when she felt down enough as it is, and left. Needless to say, the move-in didn’t happen, and we never contacted her after that.

A few weeks later, mom found out about our argument (sis called her, asking her to persuade me) and told me I was a bit harsh on her, because she’s going through a lot right now. She also said that while it’d be better for my sister if she could move in with us so she can focus on looking for a job,

ADVERTISEMENT

she will respect my decision either way, and won’t force me. I’m still not keen on letting my sister move in my house, but I also feel bad for what I said to her during our argument, and am wondering if I could’ve worded it differently and had not “kicked her down” as she said.. So reddit, AITA?

Saying no to family can feel like slamming a door on your own heart, but sometimes it’s the only way to protect your peace. The OP’s refusal to let her entitled sister move in, displacing her brother and disrupting their harmonious home, highlights a classic family dilemma: balancing support with self-preservation. The sister’s demand for a room and fewer chores, despite contributing the least, reeks of entitlement rooted in past family dynamics.

The sister’s history of belittling their mom and scorning the OP for not finishing college shows a pattern of disrespect, making her demands harder to stomach. The OP’s sharp words, though harsh, reflect years of pent-up frustration. Meanwhile, the brother’s willingness to compromise contrasts sharply with the sister’s rigidity, underscoring differing values. As family therapist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Healthy boundaries in families are built on mutual respect, not guilt-driven obligations.”

ADVERTISEMENT

This situation mirrors a broader issue: navigating family ties when past hurts linger. A 2020 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that 45% of adults struggle to set boundaries with siblings due to guilt or fear of conflict. The sister’s attempt to leverage their mom’s sympathy is a common tactic, but the OP’s firm stance protects her household’s stability.

Dr. Gottman’s advice applies here: clear communication and firm boundaries prevent resentment. The OP’s mediation attempt—offering a fair chore split—was reasonable, but her sister’s refusal shows she’s not ready to compromise.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s got no shortage of spice on this one—users are dishing out some fiery takes! Here’s what the community had to say:

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA you were willing for her to pay less then everyone else AND take up the room but the fact she has to do more housework (absolutely more then fair) she’s decided not to agree, that’s on her not you

meatpopsicle67 − NTA. Stand your ground. Sounds like you and your brother have a good harmonious thing going on. She would be nothing but painful and I'm sure you know that. And you offered her a deal that was more than fair, so don't feel guilty that she wants to play spoiled princess.

Lizziejoyjoy − NTA. She's been a b**ch your whole life and now expects special favours? Meanwhile your poor brother gets to sleep on the couch 😂 What a joke. She's a full grown adult and not your problem. Imagine how quickly she would destroy the dynamic in your home if she moved in. Hard pass on that buddy.

ADVERTISEMENT

Notherbastard − NTA your sister sounds like she needs lessons in how to be a decent human. Stand your ground.

GOTGameOfThrowaway − NTA... sister was being a choosy beggar. If you (sis) can't be in control of your own finances and life you sure can't try to control someone else's home! she's dumb for not only not automatically having the commen dr sense to know that but also for truly feeling entitled to get her way , getting to manipulate and tattle.

Yikes.. In a rough time where life is handing out lessons for free it certainly seems like she's in line to get one! I'd stick to NO!! She's Looking for a free home with herself a baby sitter to take care of her, a maid and chef built in, so she can play house.. Nope.

ADVERTISEMENT

She has no one to blame but herself. And not because if finances because I can understand how that what happened. But because of her attitude. If she had worked on being a bit more kinder she would have more options and friends to consider moving and to instead of trying to place all the blame and responsibility on you.

Canuhearmegloria − Nta what you said really wasn’t cruel or anything you were pretty much stating facts. I don’t think you should let her move in with you, she doesn’t want to play fair then you don’t have to play at all

compassionfever − NTA. Kicking her when she's down would be belittling her and telling her she's an i**ot for losing her job. She got used to your family bending over backwards to keep her tantrums in check. A reasonable person would not demand to live somewhere and demand to kick someone out of the room they are already living in. Her reaction shows she would have been a nightmare houseguest.

ADVERTISEMENT

She's unemployed and wants to pay a decreased amount of rent--of course she should pull her weight in chores instead. You have a comfortable and respectful dynamic with your brother. Keep that. From the get-go, she chose to be combative and disrespectful. You do not need to upend your life for someone who absolutely intends to upend your life for her benefit.

NatureCarolynGate − NTA. Your sister did not have an issue kicking your mother when she was down. Your sister did not have issue with looking down at you when you did not attend university. Your sister is mean. She is one of those people that probably says 'I just say what I mean'.

People like this are bullies. They also hate it when other people 'say what they mean' about them. Your sister is 'down' as she alienated her family and decided she did not need them and did not want to be a part of a support system with them. Now, things are bad for her and she doesn't have anyone, because she alienated them and she thought she was too good for them.

ADVERTISEMENT

She certainly didn't have any problem bullying her way into your home, dictating the rules about what room she would live in, and how much she would pay. She has had bad luck, like many people, but is still treating you and your brother badly, when she should be grateful just to have a place to stay, not demanding to stay in your brother's room, and paying the least amount of rent.

She still thinks she can call all the shots. So when she can't have her way, she calls your mother to try and get her on her side. Pure manipulation. Your sister still hasn't learned anything about humility or respect for you. If you let her stay with you, she will cause disharmony in your home.

She will be forever trying to be in control, and trying to get one up on you and your brother. I am sure there will be a lot of fighting. Your sister did this to herself. She still hasn't learned. Do NOT let her live with you. This will only go sideways for you and your brother.

ADVERTISEMENT

getmeoffthisplanet9 − NTA: sounds like you have a pretty peaceful set up already. That peace is priceless. Ask yourself this. Would your sister do the same for you? I’m gonna take a wild guess here and say that she wouldn’t. I say this because she sounds like my brother that I have only regretted helping. Guilt trips are a form of manipulation.

[Reddit User] − NTA, and good job finding a simple way to tell your entitled sister no while also making sure she doesn't try and pressure you too much.. What grown woman tattles to mummy? smh.

These opinions are bold, but do they capture the full picture, or are they just cheering for the drama? One thing’s clear: the sister’s not winning any popularity contests here!

ADVERTISEMENT

This tale of sibling strife and hard-won boundaries reminds us that family isn’t always a free pass to overstep. The OP’s stand against her sister’s entitled demands, while stirring guilt, protected her home’s peace and her brother’s place. It’s a raw look at how past hurts shape present choices. Would you have opened your door to a sibling with a history of disrespect, or drawn the line like the OP? Share your thoughts—what’s the toughest family boundary you’ve had to set?

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *