AITA for not letting my SIL add my kids to the chore list?

Picture a dusty construction site buzzing with hammers and hope, where a family toils to build their dream home. Across the street, a farmhouse looms, its owner eyeing the family’s kids as potential maids. A mother’s protective instincts flare when her sister-in-law (SIL) slaps her children’s names on a chore list, demanding they scrub a house they barely step foot in. It’s a clash of expectations, where rent payments and family ties tangle in a rural standoff.

The scene unfolds on a sprawling 10-acre property, where a camper hums with temporary life. Readers will feel the mother’s indignation, wondering: when does hospitality turn into exploitation? This tale of boundaries and blame promises to stir lively debate about fairness in family dynamics.

‘AITA for not letting my SIL add my kids to the chore list?’

My SIL lives in a fairly large 6bd farmhouse on 10 acres. We are building a home across the street and in the mean time, we have a camper parked on SILs property. The only time we go in to her house is to use the bathroom or shower (we have electricity in the camper but no running water).

The rest of the time we are across the street building and our kids (14m, 12f, 8m) are with us helping. We pay SIL $180 a week to park our camper there, which is campground prices. Late afternoon yesterday my SIL asked us to all come inside to talk and she pulls up her chore list, with my kids names added to it.

Things like laundry, dishes, cleaning the living room, sweeping, mopping, cleaning table + countertops, garbage, returnables, even helping cook meals (we do not eat with them), etc. She said 'Does this work for you? I won't let anyone clean the bathroom because I'm the only one who does it properly.' I immediately said no.

My kids don't even go in her house unless they are showering or shitting so if anything, I'd make them clean the bathroom, not the rest of the house that they don't use. I'm not going to be making them do chores to that extent for simply using the bathroom, after they've been helping us all day with building our home.

My SIL, who works all the time, says 'the kids are in here much more than that because all my snacks are gone and I always come home to a trashed house and I didn't before you guys started staying here'.

She's clearly not putting two and two together with the fact that her own daughter (12) has had consistent friends over for the past 2 weeks since school let out and her husband (46m) does nothing to parent. Which I brought to her attention. My kids don't eat her food at all either.

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I've made a point to preach to my kids about minimizing our foot print here for this specific reason (her trying to blame my kids for her trashed house). My husband is saying that maybe I should just allow her to add the kids to one or two chores a week to keep his sister at bay but I've refused.

We pay to be here and we do not go indoors at all unless it's for the bathroom, as I've stated. My kids are not going to be scrubbing her house top to bottom for using a restroom and I have since told my husband we need to create an outhouse system (on our property) so we don't have to go in there at all. He says I'm making things more difficult when in reality, I'm protecting my kids from being used. AITA?

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Talk about a family barbecue gone sour! The mother’s refusal to let her kids become her SIL’s unpaid cleaning crew is a stand for fairness, but it’s stirred up a hornet’s nest. The SIL’s chore list—laundry, dishes, cooking—ignores the fact that the family pays $180 a week to park their camper and only uses the bathroom. Her claim that the kids trash the house seems like a lazy dodge, pinning blame on them instead of her own daughter’s friends or idle husband.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a family dynamics expert, notes, “Clear boundaries are essential for healthy family relationships, especially when living in close quarters” . The SIL’s move reeks of overreach, possibly fueled by stress from her own chaotic household. A 2023 study from Family Relations found 65% of family conflicts stem from unclear expectations, like assuming guests should double as housekeepers.

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This taps into a broader issue: the strain of extended family cohabitation. The mother’s right to protect her kids, who are already pitching in at the construction site, but her hardline stance risks escalating tensions. A compromise—like offering to clean the bathroom—might cool things down. Setting up an outhouse, as she plans, is a smart move for independence, per Camping World.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit posse rolled in like a tumbleweed, tossing out a mix of fist bumps and raised eyebrows. From cheering the mother’s boundary-setting to urging a quick exit from the SIL’s turf, the comments are a lively dust-up of opinions. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

Swiss_El_Rosso − NTA. Try to get as soon as possible a portapotty or similar system on your own yard.. Did you have water on your yard running? Invest some bucks to install your own bathroom temporary, it will be worth every cent. It will giving you freedom and peace.

MasterKilvin − NTA. She's either trying to get free labour or being willfully ignorant of her daughter's behaviour. You pay rent, anything more is extortionate.

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SnooBunnies7461 − NTA. Your sil is blaming your kids because its easier to do that than see her child and her husband are the problem. I agree with setting up something at your new property so your kids don't have to enter her house. Maybe a compostable toilet and outdoor shower would work while you are under construction.

_mmiggs_ − NTA. Having your kids take a turn at the bathroom cleaning would be reasonable, because you use that. Nothing else is reasonable, because you don't use that.

Shnipi − NTA. I see 🚩 that after you moving in, auntie will go on with her demands. And it's so typical when daddy is on his 'family-side' aka sister and forgot that he should be fair to his children and wife too, you know the family he chosed to build. Can't you order a outerhouse shower with a tank? It should be possible, where I live you can order watertanks.

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Dudeist-Priest − NTA - First off, she should have come to you before whipping out the chore assignment. She's not in change of you or your family. Tell her you are paying for the inconvenience of you being there and anything beyond that has to be discussed first.

PhilosopherInside956 − NTA. Your kids shouldn’t be expected to be maids for a house they didn’t help trash. They could be expected to help clean the bathroom but she doesn’t want them to, and that’s on her.

Light_Seeker90 − Yeah, I don't like this. Don't like so much about it haha. NTA. I can understand asking the kids/you guys to clean/pick up after yourselves. That's reasonable. But you guys aren't her tenants; you're family, temporary guests on their property.

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And you guys are already paying to stay on their lawn and you already minimize the usage of the house...It sounds, to me at least, that what she's asking and expecting is a bit much for what you guys are actually doing.

Like you said, cleaning the bathroom, maybe, but not the entire house when they don't use it or contribute to those things. And I don't agree with just 'caving to keep the peace'. We all do it, but we shouldn't. Stick to your boundaries, for sure. Don't let her take advantage.

Angelblade92 − NTA- she’s trying to exploit your children for free labour and it’s weird that your husband is trying to compel you to go along with it. Stick to your guns and don’t let her turn your kids into personal servants.

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No_Location_5565 − NTA. But I have a really hard time believing 12 and 8 are spending the whole day at the construction site. And not sneaking snacks when they take bathroom breaks etc. And if she doesn’t want help cleaning the bathroom than maybe there is a chore your kids could help with to make up for it.

14m 12f 8m who are spending all day at a construction site can’t be super clean in the bathroom. If you can’t find compromise - and i agree your kids shouldn’t clean her whole house, I’d suggest finding elsewhere to stay. A chore list probably isn’t worth creating a family rift over.

These Redditors backed the mother’s stand, slamming the SIL’s audacity while suggesting practical fixes like portable toilets. Some suspect the kids might sneak snacks, but most agree the SIL’s demands are out of line. Are these hot takes on point, or just kicking up more dirt?

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This tale is a dusty reminder that family and favors can mix like oil and water. The mother’s fight to shield her kids from unfair chores highlights the delicate dance of setting boundaries without burning bridges. As the construction dust settles, the real question looms: when does helping family cross into taking advantage? What would you do if caught in this rural rumble? Share your thoughts and stories below—let’s dig into this messy family saga.

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