AITA for not letting my roommates boyfriend use my car, even though it made him miss a job interview?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The air in the apartment felt thick with tension, like a storm brewing over a cluttered coffee table strewn with takeout containers. A young woman, let’s call her Sarah, gripped her car keys, her mind racing. Her roommate’s boyfriend, Kyle, had just dropped a bombshell request—to borrow her car for a job interview—right when she needed it for a doctor’s appointment. His entitled tone stung, and the weight of saying “no” hung heavy. Would she be the villain for standing her ground?

Sarah’s dilemma is one many know too well: navigating boundaries with roommates and their plus-ones. It’s not just about a car; it’s about respect, responsibility, and the unspoken rules of shared spaces. Readers might feel their own frustrations bubble up, recalling times they’ve been cornered into favors they didn’t owe. What happens when someone’s “emergency” crashes into your plans? Let’s dive into Sarah’s story and see where the fault lines lie.

‘AITA for not letting my roommates boyfriend use my car, even though it made him miss a job interview?’

So I (25F) share an apartment with my roommate Jess (24F). We generally get along okay, but she started dating this guy Kyle a few months ago and he's been around constantly. He doesn’t live here officially, but he's here 5–6 nights a week, eats our food, uses our stuff, and never really contributes to anything.

It’s annoying but I’ve tolerated it to keep the peace. I own a car, which I use for work, errands, and occasional weekend trips. Jess doesn’t have a car, and neither does Kyle. Last week, Kyle asked me very last minute if he could borrow my car to drive to a job interview.

I asked a few questions — where it was, how far, how long he’d need it — and it turned out he needed it during a time I’d already told Jess I had a doctor’s appointment across town. I said sorry, but I needed it and couldn't change my appointment.

He got pissed and said I was being selfish and ruining his shot at a “better life.” Jess backed him up, saying I could Uber to the doctor “just this once,” because his interview was more important than my check-up. I said no. I’m not comfortable lending my car to someone I barely know, especially not for a time I already need it. I don’t owe him that.

They both sulked and gave me the cold shoulder for days. Kyle apparently missed the interview because “he couldn’t find a ride” and is now blaming me for “ruining his future.” I feel a little bad, because I could have changed my appointment if I really wanted to… but also, it’s my car, my schedule, and I don’t think I should have to upend my plans for someone who doesn’t even live here.. AITA?

Saying no to a favor can feel like defusing a bomb—especially when it’s your roommate’s boyfriend waving the red flag. Sarah’s clash with Kyle and Jess exposes a classic tug-of-war over boundaries in shared living spaces. On one side, Sarah’s protecting her property and schedule; on the other, Kyle’s leaning on her for a lifeline, with Jess fanning the flames. Both sides have a point—Sarah’s not a chauffeur, but Kyle’s desperation is real. Still, his lack of planning screams entitlement.

This isn’t just about a car—it’s a microcosm of roommate dynamics gone awry. According to a 2023 study by Apartment List, 60% of renters report conflicts with roommates over guests, highlighting how common these disputes are (source: apartmentlist.com). Kyle’s near-constant presence, eating Sarah’s food and using her space, tips the balance. Sarah’s refusal wasn’t just practical; it was a stand for fairness.

Dr. Irene S. Levine, a psychologist and author of The Friendship Blog, notes, “Boundaries are essential in any relationship, including with roommates. Without clear agreements, resentment festers” (source: thefriendshipblog.com). Levine’s words cut to the core—Sarah’s “no” wasn’t selfish; it was self-preservation. Kyle’s failure to secure a ride elsewhere shows a deeper issue: expecting others to solve his problems. Sarah’s not his mom or his taxi service.

For Sarah, setting ground rules with Jess is the next step—maybe a cap on Kyle’s overnight stays or splitting costs for shared resources. Readers facing similar woes should draft clear roommate agreements early on, covering guests and shared items (check out templates at roommates.com). Open dialogue can prevent these flare-ups.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit didn’t hold back on Sarah’s saga, serving up a buffet of spicy takes. Here’s what the community had to say, with a side of humor and skepticism:

77Megg77 − Why couldn’t he take an Uber to the interview? He should have secured transportation when he set the interview date/time. Couldn’t he call a car rental place and rent a car for the day? Enterprise will even bring a car to you. Well, they used to offer that. I don’t know if they still do. But let’s say you did lend him your car and he goes to the interview.

It goes well and he is hired. How is he going to get to work every day? Would it then be your fault if he can’t take your car to get to work every day? You were right not to lend it. What if he got in an accident and totaled it? Can he afford to replace it? No. He needs to get a vehicle and then get an interview.

JPenelope − NTA You were going to be using your own car at the time he asked to borrow it. And even if you weren't, you aren't obligated to lend someone your vehicle just because they ask. Jess backed him up, saying I could Uber to the doctor “just this once,” because his interview was more important than my check-up.

If the interview was so important, he could have taken an uber himself. Or public transit, or asked someone else for a ride, or, hell, rented a damned car if he wanted it so bad. He didn't care enough to plan and that's not your problem.

Ambitious-Border-906 − NTA! If you could have Uber-ed to your appointment that easily, how is it he couldn’t get one to his interview?!

WolfKittenTigerPuppy − NTA, assuming Kyle is an adult since Jess is an adult and that there are buses, ubers, taxis, trains, people he knows better, his family, etc. You (probably Jess too) are being manipulated by this loser just based on you posting to reddit and questioning if you're the a**hole here.

Be an adult and demand 1/3 for the food/ utilities/ rent or tell Jess he can't stay over 90% of the time. If you don't want to lend out your stuff you do not have to...say no once and walk away. This should not have to be said to an adult.

International-Fee255 − NTA Tim to step back from this silliness. If a grown ma can't order an Uber for himself that's not something you are responsible for. Out your foot down about him staying so much (contact landlord if necessary) and about him taking your food.

It honestly sounds like he thinks he's moved in with his parents and they should be supplying everything for him. DO NOT EVER give his man or your roommate your car, they can order lifts if necessary. You are roommates, you don't owe your roommate anything except common courtesy, you owe her freeloading boyfriend even less.

Famous_Specialist_44 − NTA they are ridiculous. Never lend your car except on the basis it will be smashed up and whoever you lent it to will be very sorry but can't pay to repair.

Princess-She-ra − NTA and they're both so entitled. It's not their car. It's your car. You owe them nothing. When did it become your responsibility to get Kyle to his interview? Oh right, it isn't your responsibility. There's also a bigger issue here and that is your roommate essentially moving in her bf without any discussion. You need to have that discussion. You didn't sign up for sharing your space with a third person who isn't even contributing. Most leases don't even allow that. 

curiousity60 − NTA It's past time you should check your lease about guests, then sit down with your roommate and tell her her guest is destroying your peaceful enjoyment of the home YOU are paying for. He's obnoxious. SHE needs to rein him in. SHE can feed and cater to him with her own money. YOUR food and belongings are NOT community resources and SHE needs to make sure you and your property are not disturbed by her guest.

kd3906 − More AI script.

No_Philosopher_1870 − NTA. Why couldn't the boyfriend Uber to his interview? My guess is that it's because he is broke. Your roommate's boyfriend is probably old enough to rent a car if he is the same age or older than Jess. If he doesn't have a credit card, that's his problem. Getting him to a job interview isn't your responsibility, particularly when it conflicts with a prior plan that you had.

It's long past the time to have a talk with Jess about how much time her boyfriend spends at your apartment. Does he even have a place to live? She should be providing 100% of the food that he eats because he is there so much. You signed up for one roommate, not two, especially not a second roommate who contributes nothing to household expenses.

These Redditors brought the heat, but do their snap judgments hold up? Maybe Kyle’s not a total freeloader—or maybe Sarah’s got a bigger fight on her hands. What’s the real score here?

Sarah’s story leaves us pondering where to draw the line between kindness and self-respect. She stood firm, but the fallout—icy glares and roommate tension—shows saying “no” comes at a cost. It’s a relatable mess, one that sparks questions about fairness and freeloaders in our own lives. What would you do if a roommate’s guest treated your home like their personal Airbnb? Share your thoughts below—any tips for keeping the peace without losing your sanity?

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