AITA for not letting my MIL babysit my daughter?

In a cozy suburban home, a new mother’s trust is shattered when her mother-in-law secretly swaps her carefully pumped breast milk for formula, dismissing it with a shocking claim that it’s “dirty” due to her personal beliefs. The sting of this betrayal cuts deep, especially as the mother grapples with her husband’s refusal to defend her, leaving her to protect her daughter’s well-being alone. Her decision to bar her MIL from babysitting ignites family tension, revealing a clash of values and boundaries.

The mother’s choice to stand firm sparks heated arguments, with her husband caught between his wife’s rightful anger and his mother’s tears. This story unfolds as a raw exploration of parental authority, trust, and the emotional toll of navigating a family where respect feels like a battle. It’s a tale that resonates with anyone who’s fought to protect their choices against meddling in-laws.

‘AITA for not letting my MIL babysit my daughter?’

My daughter is b**ast fed exclusively and my MIL knows this. When I bring my daughter to my MIL’s house I bring enough b**ast milk that she will have plenty with all the bottles and equipment for her. I’ve recently found out she is only feeding my daughter formula because she believes b**ast milk is dirty and has been throwing out all my b**ast milk.

She said to my face b**ast milk is dirty because mothers who have s*x pollute their own bodies. She has never liked me and I’ve tried to get along with her but my husband just keeps his heads down and refuses to speak up in my defence.

I’ve hired a babysit and won’t let my MIL babysit my daughter and my husband and I have been fighting because she is crying to him and he doesn’t see it was a big deal how she is fed. I feel like my family is getting split apart.

I’m gritted my teeth and let my MIL walk all over me because of my husband but this is outrageous to me because it should be my choice how I feed my baby. But am I wrong for not letting her babysit her anymore because I don’t trust her to follow how I want to feed my baby.

Parenting decisions, especially about infant feeding, are deeply personal, yet this mother’s authority was undermined by her MIL’s shocking actions. Throwing out breast milk and substituting formula—based on baseless, offensive beliefs about its “purity”—is not just a breach of trust but a direct challenge to the mother’s role. The husband’s refusal to intervene only deepens the rift, leaving the mother to defend her choices alone.

The MIL’s actions reflect a troubling disregard for boundaries, while her claim that breast milk is “dirty” due to a mother’s personal life is rooted in outdated myths. The husband’s passivity, likely shaped by years of his mother’s influence, complicates the family dynamic, placing unfair pressure on the mother to tolerate disrespect. This situation highlights the broader issue of in-law interference in parenting, which can strain marriages and mental health.

Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, notes in a 2019 Psychology Today article, “When in-laws overstep, spousal support is critical to maintaining a united front.” Here, the husband’s inaction undermines the mother’s trust. The CDC reports that 60% of mothers face external pressure on feeding choices, amplifying stress.

The mother’s decision to ban her MIL from babysitting is a valid boundary. Couples counseling could help the husband address his conflict avoidance, while open dialogue might clarify expectations with the MIL.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit community strongly supported the mother, condemning the MIL’s actions as disrespectful and her beliefs as absurd. They criticized the husband’s failure to defend his wife, arguing that his passivity enables his mother’s behavior and undermines the family unit.

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Commenters emphasized that the mother’s right to choose how her baby is fed is non-negotiable. They view the MIL’s actions as a serious breach of trust, urging the mother to hold firm and protect her daughter from such toxic influences.

alternatingz - NTA -. 1) your husband should have taken your side and stood up to his mother 2) YOU are her mother and you get to decide what’s best for her— not grandma. she already raised her share of kids

3) i would not leave her alone with your child for extended periods of time again considering she is spewing very strange, hateful excuses as to why she doesn’t like breastfeeding that don’t make sense.

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Still_Association - NTA The only person splitting your family apart is a woman calling you dirty. You don't have to accept that. Your husband needs to get on your side ASAP or the implication is that he agrees with her treating you that way.

You don't have to accept that either. In which case, splitting apart your family would be a healthy choice for you. Splitting apart families isn't inherently bad if the family you're leaving behind was hurting you.

DizzyUpThaGirl - She said to my face b**ast milk is dirty because mothers who have s\*x pollute their own bodies. I'm sorry, does she know how reproduction works and how she ended up having your husband and how you ended up having your daughter? My *God*! Your husband needs to stand up to this woman and defend you. He isn't married to her; he is married to you.

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You are SOOOOOOO NTA. I'm so sorry your husband lacks a spine. Significant others need to learn how to stand up to their families of origin when they decide they want to degrade the person they married/in long-term relationship. Have a talk with your husband. Let him know that if he can't defend you against these people, then you get to make these decisions without him complaining.

trowawaywork - NTA. Omg if she's telling you this now, imagine what she will be telling your daughter when she's old enough to understand.

citrushibiscus - Oof. Your MIL and husband *suck*. Your MIL's toxic views and your husband's refusal to stand up for his partner are a recipe for disaster here. You will not be happy if things continue on this way, which they will unless you do something about this.

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NTA for not letting your MIL babysit your kid, but if you want that kid to grow up in a healthy emotional and psychological environment, you're gonna have to do some hard work here, and by that I mean you need to tell your husband how he's hurting you and to be better.

To support you as a partner should. To cut off your MIL and anyone else like that who does not care for you or your baby. Stop gritting your teeth. Commit to making sure your child has the best possible life, even if it means making these difficult choices.. edit Thanks for all the awards!

shelleydiana - NTA in anyway whatsoever. MIL and husband are both assholes. No one can feed your baby however they want, that’s not how life works, and if they can’t respect how your baby is fed then that’s their problem and not yours.

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You husband is s**t for not standing by you or supporting you. I would honest to god leave my boyfriend and cut his entire family off without a second thought if they pulled s**t like this.

cmdoubled - NTA. Your husband for not sticking up for you is. And your MIL for going against your wishes and feeding the baby formula because she thinks it is dirty. Your husband needs to pull his head out of the sand and stick up for you.

brazentory - NTA!!!!! I’d be incredibly PISSED OFF. She lost all trust. Simple, I do not leave my child with an untrustworthy sitter.. Your husband needs to get his head out of his ass.

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bamf1701 - NTA. S** pollutes bodies? And how exactly did she get her son? She needs to get through her head that you are the parent - you are the final authority on your child. She didn’t respect that authority and now she is facing the consequences.

And your husband needs to step up, remember his marriage vows, and start standing up to his mother. However, I suspect she has spent his entire life making sure he is unable to stand up to her. Even so, time to grow up and defend his family.

Traditional-Hunt9394 - In my opinion, your MIL is super weird and your husband is spineless wimp for not standing up to his mother, especially defense of you and y'all child.

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This mother’s stand against her MIL’s betrayal underscores the fierce love and boundaries that define parenthood. Her story exposes the pain of navigating family dynamics when trust is broken and support is absent. How would you handle a family member disregarding your parenting choices in such a blatant way? Share your thoughts and experiences below.

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